A glimpse into my mind

"Muslims like to fight"

2011-04-11T22:47:00.001-07:00

The above is a statement said to me by a friend of mine who carried on to tell me that when he said that, he didn't mean me because I am "Moderate."

I personally do not know whether I should be flattered or I should be upset by such a statement.

Two of my friends were talking about the situation in Libya and how Obama had no business sending troops to help with the revolution. One guy was pro-sending the troops because as he saw it, this was a Humanitarian crisis and this is where America should be sticking their nose. The other, feels like Muslims are using this as another reason to fight...because after all...that's what we like to do.

At the time I heard this, I was hurt. Desperately trying my hardest to redeem the Muslim name, explaining that a minority should not be what labels the opposing majority. But as these explanations of how Jihad isn't necessarily a holy war or that Fox news is a bunch of idiot-wannabe journalists, I realized that I can't blame him.

Its our fault.

Let me preface this by saying I am pro every revolution that is going on in the Arab world today. I stand with the Egyptians, Syrian, Algerians, Libyans, etc. I applaud their fearlessness in standing up to their oppressive regimes, knowing that they may not live to see the end of what they started....those people at the core of these revolution are MEN and the women at their side are women who I wish to meet in Jannah one day if I am lucky enough.

Now, back to my rant. ITS OUR FAULT!

How many of us try to show our non-Muslim neighbors that what they see on TV is not the thoughts and beliefs of the majority of the Muslim community? (I am speaking to myself first). When we get cut off by some moron on the street instead of biting our tongue, we shout out a few expletives. We hold our heads down and walk. We don't smile. AND in the rare event that someone decides to "ask us a personal question" (which we know is most likely about our terrorist brothers or about that hijaab our husband forces us to wear) we get loud and defensive or wave our hand in disgust and walk off.

I can feel a wave of hate that is going to be thrown at me for saying this, but its something that has been bugging me for quite sometime now and I have stayed quiet, but I think it should be mentioned. AND since you don't really know who I am, I'll go ahead and talk :). My brothers: The Irvine 11 who have received a ton of publicity (and are facing criminal charges) for interrupting a speech being given by the Israeli Ambassador to the US. There's a few things I want to say about this:

1. I am anti-Israel. I believe that the land being occupied by the Apartheid state should be given back to its rightful owners. And there is a lot more I can say, but know I am completely against that regime.

2. I do NOT believe that criminal charges should be placed on the Irvine 11 - disrupting a speech is NOT a criminal act. No matter how many times they were asked to stop.

3. What the Irvine 11 did is NOT what the Prophet (SAW) would have done! We sometimes, in our anger and passion for what is right forget how we should handle such a situation. By all means speak out against the lies and filth being fed to people by the Apartheid State...but do it peacefully. Do it in such a way that if the Sahaba (RA) were watching you or if the prophet (SAW) was seeing your reaction you would not be ashamed.

We are living in a different era. We are the despised and hated neighbor and instead of acting like that despised neighbor, we need to act like the neighbor everyone that hates us wishes they had.

Smile at your neighbor. When they are sick ask them how they are. If you don't see them, knock on their door or leave them a note to let them know you care. Invite them to your house for Eid. Share the food you made for Iftaar with them. DON'T BE RUDE!

Waiting

2011-04-03T01:50:00.000-07:00

So my question is....How long is too long??

To wait for a brother to get in touch with you after he says he's interested in you and you agree to allow him to contact you.

I'm someone who is attached to my phone, my emails are fed to me directly and immediately. I am ALWAYS in contact with humans. So perhaps I'm a little needy when it comes to receiving an email that says "Hi, I'm the guy that was interested in getting to know you for marriage. When can I set up a meeting with you and your parents (or brother)?"

Anyone wanna shed some light on this.

Under Management

2011-04-03T01:12:00.000-07:00

Rarely do I ever have a young patient. Where I work, the patients are usually my parents' age or a lot older. However, a couple weeks ago I had a patient who was not much older than myself. As a matter of fact we probably listened to the same music, watched the same shows, followed the fashion trends growing up.

The first day I took care of him, it was like taking care of any patient. You know, formal - I called him mister. The second day, we became friends. Laughing, joking, watching the basketball game together (I like to build a rapport with my patients...especially when I know I'll be caring for them for at least a couple days). While I was starting his IV, one of our psych patients started to scream. He rolls his eyes. I laughed.

"Am I on the psych ward?!" He asks...half serious, half joking.

"It feels like it doesn't it...I promise its not a psych floor."

"Yeah right!"

"Well, I mean we take care of psych patients from time to time, plus a lot of older patients with dementia end up on this floor, so they confused and at out sometimes."

"Yesterday some lady was talking about bacon. Like at 2 in the morning!"

"Oh you mean Edna (not her real name, of course)? She can be a hand full, but I think she got discharged"

"OMG, so its another one....ya'll do have me on the psych ward. Man, your husband probably hears some crazy stories from you."

I smile, "I'm not married."

"You're kidding right?" I nod my head. "WOW, well dang girl, you walk around like you're under management or something."

"Why does everyone say that?!" I'm now officially blushing from semi-embarrassment

"Its the way you carry yourself, like you have a man on your side or something."

The conversation carried further. I still don't know why every man I encounter in person assumes I'm married just by the way I "carry" myself. I think I'm pretty friendly...at least with men that are not Muslim in an attempt to show them that Muslim women are not stiff prudes as we are often portrayed as. I smile, I joke, I laugh and am also not afraid to have a decent conversation with men. So why is it that men always think I'm married?

I went on a date a couple days ago....

2011-03-20T20:35:00.001-07:00

I have a feeling this will muster up a lot of hate messages, judgment and more, but, before ya'll get your knickers in a twist..please read first.

My co-workers are aware that I don't go out with guys...alone. They also know that I only get married...and to Muslim men only. (I say it like I do this on a daily basis).

So the date.

This guy is Muslim...he's an acquaintance of this friend of mine. And I guess he happens to be looking for someone and happened to be in town that day. So, my friend tells me she wants me to meet a friend of hers "He's Muslim, good-looking, single and looking."

Me: "Um? can I think about it?"
Her: He's only here for a few days for work. I think you should really think about it. Hey...you never know, it could work!

Me: (nervous as hell, yet appreciative of the offer) I'll think about it...I'll let you know by lunch time.

While I was there...toying with this idea, I consulted a friend..a sister. Her thoughts went something like this:

"What do you know about him? Is he practicing or a closet Muslim? How MUSLIM is he? How old is he?" and the list of 21 questions continued.

Eventually, I decided, on my own to meet him (with this friend of mine of course) I call it a date because of its spur of the moment-ness, the fact my parents had no clue, the fact that I didn't know anything about him. The only thing that made it not a date was that my friend was going to be there. And, it wasn't really a date. But that is what she called it.

So after work, we decided to meet him for coffee. On the way there my friend was asking a million questions.

"So, what do I do? Do I sit at the same table? Do I act like furniture or do I actually interact? I've never really been on a date with someone as a chaperone."

When I write it down it sounds kind of comedic, but while it was happening it didn't feel so funny. I felt like I was doing something wrong, even though I wasn't, really....or was I?

He was a complete gentleman. He didn't try to shake my hand, he respected my space. He was funny, smart. I felt like we could really be friends. But there was something I couldn't put my finger on that just didn't seem to sit right in my stomach. Its been a few days and I haven't heard from him yet and I'm not really sure what happens next.

I guess we wait...some more?

Resolutions...

2011-01-09T00:58:00.000-08:00

I know I am late by a few days, but it seems like that time of year. The time of year when everyone is making list upon list things that they would like to do before the following year....a list of things they probably will never do, not even in ten years.

Lose weight, exercise more, stop procrastinating (but of course you will procrastinate and decide to stop procrastinating....tomorrow). Been there, done that.

I on the other other hand don't like to make resolutions, they don't cross my mind until everyone around me starts to talk about their own resolutions. I don't want to lose weight - to be honest, I don't have enough weight to lose anyway. I'd like to exercise more, but if I don't, it wouldn't bother me. Yes, procrastinating is something I would LOVE to stop doing, but lets face it...I'll probably continue to do that for a long time. I would like to be a better Muslimah (but this is a lifetime resolution).

You see the thing with resolutions is that you can't just have one. The reality is, we ALL need tweaking. We have MANY things to change...not just one. So I propose a new concept...instead of a new YEAR resolution...I propose we make a new DAY resolution. Every day..a new resolution. We change one thing everyday and each day we build on it.

I mean why wait a whole year to work on another improvement?

PRESSURE PRESSURE

2010-11-14T20:19:00.000-08:00

It's enough when a Muslim girl is pressured by her family and friends to find a guy and settle down. But I think the tip of the ice berg, straw that broke the camels back, etc is when a non-Muslim tells a Muslim girl that she better start looking for a husband.

At the time it happened to me, it was funny...but it only made my situation even more apparent to me. And it got me thinking.

Maybe the guy I truly want does not exist. My mother tells me that I am way too picky. And I can agree with her. However, the thought of settling makes me despise getting married at all. I personally don't think the things I expect are extraordinary...I mean they are characteristics that exist in many people...(only they are married). I just seem to have an impossible time finding my person.

The search continues....and the frustration grows.

I'm in love....

2010-08-18T01:27:00.001-07:00

....with his voice!

Subhan'Allah, every Ramadan I'll attend a masjid for Tarawih or Qiyam ul Layl and some brother at one of the many masjids I attend will have the most amazing voice, and I will fall in love.

I was at a Qiyam the other night and this happened.

I don't know if I'm the only one that goes through this. But I literally fall in love with the voice, it brings peace to me (of course that's because its the words of Allah recited so nicely) and I can't get the voice out of my mind. I even go so far as to try to find out who the brother is (and of course if he's single)....however I think I'm so old that every time this happens the brother is younger than me....this one was 19.

Sigh

I'm looking....

2010-08-06T00:57:00.000-07:00

....but don't really know WHERE to look.

Ok so I suppose every Muslim of my age is probably looking. For a spouse that is. You see, for the past I dunno how many years, it never was a goal of mine to get married. To clarify, of course I wanted to get married, but it never really seemed like something that was so pressing. And I suppose its still not that pressing - so tell me why I feel that way?

I suppose it has a lot to do with me being Indian and in my mid-20's. You see, according to Indian standards, I have already reached my expiration date. I'm much to old to marry someone within a reasonable age range of mine. Now the Indian thing doesn't really bother me...I mean, I have no specific desire to marry "my kind." As a matter of fact I want to marry someone outside of my race to be the first one to break the stigma of outside marriages (people in my family that marry outside the culture...generally marry a non-Muslim). I feel that this racist thing is a big problem in the community (a post for another time).

Anyway...back to my question....WHERE do I look!? When I was younger, it seemed it was so much easier...guys came to me...I never had to worry about whether I had to go scouting so-to-speak. Unfortunately for me...the game has changed a little...and I've pretty much forgotten how to play. You see, I used to play back in m y Jahilia..of course I definitely don't wanna play that way, but what I'm saying is I don't know where to look or how to get what I'm looking for.

You see, the masjid hasn't really served as a good source for me, perhaps it has a lot to do with my locale and "my kind" and their way of doing things. Match-making aunties scare the crap out of me and weird me out. The friends outlet I guess could totally work the only problem is I have 4 very close friends and don't really keep up to much with others unless I run into them at the masjid (that's my bad). The rest of the time, I'm at work. So what's a sister to do?

I guess the truth isn't really the lack of brothers approaching me...the real issue is finding someone that appeals to me, because I think I've gotten to a stage where I don't mind being the initiating party. I'd really like to settle down soon. And then when I say it out loud like that I feel like I sound desperate..but truth be told...that's how I feel.

I don't know how many brother read this thing..but it be great to hear from you as well.

Ramadan is Rehab

2010-07-31T02:28:00.000-07:00

Many people would think that rehab is for alcoholics or drug addicts, but the truth of the matter is...we all need rehab. On a daily basis we each often give into the drug more commonly known as the nafs (I think the closest translation would probably be the id - animalistic, non-rational side). We give into our id because its what feels good. Similarly, drug addicts and alcoholics engage in their risky behavior because doing so makes them feel good. Drinking takes there pain away as eating often times takes our pain away (my ticket to pain-free depression is mac and cheese).

In medicine, we often put a patient through rehab by taking them away from the thing that is harming them. At first, we completely isolate them from the drug, be it alcohol or any other recreational intoxicant. We do this to rid the body of the toxin. Its often a painful process resulting in hallucinations, delusions and pain.

In Ramadan we abstain from food and other things as well (swearing, lying, cheating, backbiting, sleeping, having intimate relations, and everything else that can be detrimental to our self). Like drug detoxification the first fast is probably the hardest, the most painful...I mean we are STARVING. This is the detox phase - please note that scientifically the act of fasting is actually a physical means of detoxifying the body, it allows the liver, kidneys, skin, etc to rid themselves and the body of toxins - go figure!

After the detox phase, we often place the addict in programs that teach behavioral modification. We teach him to completely stay away from bars, change his group of friends, even take a different route to work or home. We teach him to eat certain foods to help curb his cravings, etc. This can serve as a very influential, provided the addict takes it seriously and actually tries to modify his behavior. (Notice the similarities?)

In Ramadan, we often find ourselves attending the masjid more often than we do at any other time of our lives. We sit through long lectures, pray qiyam ul layl, give sadaqa, read Quran. We turn of our TVs, put our Tupac CDs away and pull out CDs with Quranic recitations of Shuyukh like Shaykh Al-Effasy or Shaykh Sudais. When someone tries our patience, instead of lashing out like we normally would, we try to refrain. We try to abstain from backbiting. And the list goes on.

There is no benefit to rehab unless the rehabilitation process continues. In medicine we say, "Once and addict, always an addict." Intoxicants are intoxicating, they take over your thoughts, they debilitate you and the truth of the matter is for as long as you live, you will always be in rehab. People don't say that they are Recovered Alcoholics or that they used to be alcoholics. When you go to an AA meeting people introduce themselves by saying, "Hi, my name is HB and I am an Alcoholic." And they proceed to tell you how many decades its been since they're last drink.

Likewise, we as Muslims are a constant work in progress. None of us is immune from the waswasa of Shaytan. Each of us is susceptible to fall into the trap of our desires. So while we go through an intensive one-month rehab session every year, it is up to us to remain in check, to take what we learn in this blessed month and apply it into our lives every day with out fail.

May each and every single one of you have a blessed Ramadan. Please remember me and the entire Muslim Ummah in your dua.

A Muslim, 2 Christians and an Atheist

2010-07-26T00:10:00.001-07:00

...no this isn't a joke....seriously.

I worked last night. Nurses are human, we get sleepy during our shifts, especially when we work nights because the truth is, no matter how used to working nights you are, sleeping in the day and working at night is unnatural!

Anyways...around 4 am when us nurses start to get sleepy, we either take a quick break (which is really nap time) or we engage in some sort of discussion. So last night as we are hanging out at the station one of the nurses (a Christian) asks this other nurse (an Atheist who happens to be Indian) what religion he follows. Knowing that this nurse happens to be pretty religious, he kind of refrains, but after much pestering, he gives in.. "I don't believe in God, I'm Atheist"

She now looks at me, "HB, what religion does he follow?" I answer "He's Atheist." This Atheist nurse and I have been 'friends' for a while now, I know his story.

She continues, "Are you serious??" I answer, "Yes, that's what he told me when we met." You see, everyone seems to take my hijaab as a green light to discuss religion...and I welcome it with open arms as long as the discussion doesn't turn into something hateful toward Islam or Muslims.

The Atheist and I thought that that was pretty much the end of the discussion. I mean, you ask a question, its answered and that's that, but she continues after a brief silence, "you know, I'm going to say something and I hope it doesn't offend you, but I'm gonna say it: The fact that you don't believe in God makes me uncomfortable, I feel like you bring a negative force around me and I don't like to have people like that around me."

Now, as a Muslim, I believe in God. I believe that nothing is possible without Him and that everything is possible only because He makes it possible. I cannot fathom disbelief in the existence of God, but I feel that that comment completely crossed all lines.

So in comes the second Christian: "So wait, it makes you uncomfortable that he doesn't believe in God? What does his disbelief in God do to effect you?"

"It brings negative energy and I don't associate myself with people that bring negative energy around me, I distance myself from them."

I'm sitting here trying to conjure up a response. Here it is: "He's a human being, there is no compulsion in religion. God doesn't need people to worship him, people need to have a superior being to worship. His choice to believe or not to believe in God is a personal choice, but it doesn't necessarily make him a bad person in general."

I don't even know her response, the other Christian was nodding his head in agreement with me.

She then proceeded to place this Atheist in the same soup as Gays and Lesbians by saying that they are an abomination (which I completely agree with) and that she doesn't associate with them and that she doesn't care for them.

I suppose everyone is entitled to their opinion. And I can't say that I don't think similar (not the same).

I'm not sure where I'm going with this. You see I strongly oppose homosexuality, it grosses me out, I think its unnatural and it could very well be the cause of our demise as it was the cause of demise for the people of Ad and Thamud. I believe that saying that there is no God is being stupid and ungrateful. BUT (and a big BUT it is) I strongly believe in hating the sin and not the sinner.

One of the reasons of I love Islam so much is that it teaches us to be kind and compassionate towards others and it teaches us to lead by example. To be the best person you can be, to emulate the teachings of the Prophet (SAW) so as to attract the right attention.

I believe Shirk is an unforgivable sin, I also believe that being an Atheist is like committing shirk in that you saying that Science is responsible for the creation of the universe as opposed to Allah (SWT). But at the same time, I don't think that telling an Atheist that he's going to Hell and that he is an Abomination is the best way to bring him to your side.

I also think that as Humans as a whole, we need to realize that while Atheism and Homosexuality are major sins, we are in no position to judge anyone as the sad truth is we are all sinners.

May Allah SWT guide us all and protect us...ameen.

GASP!

2010-07-09T02:36:00.001-07:00

Ramadan is fast approaching and I feel I am completely behind on preparing for it.

I've got so much to do and so little time to do it in. Nevertheless, I hope this month arrives soon as i do miss it very dearly.

So when you getting married??

2010-04-02T19:30:00.000-07:00

Urgh. Its one of those questions that makes me want to gag, scream, blow up at someone. Sounds pretty harsh, huh? In reality it isn't that I don't want to get married....because, I do. I would want nothing more that to find a nice man to settle down with. Its just, it seems that question always seems to come up when I finally find contentment in myself, in my life, in being single.

You see, I am probably the only girl I know that has had so much bad luck with men. Either I fall for a guy that is perfect but uninterested or I fall for a guy that is interested but turns out to be childish, idiotic, stupid (the list could go on), or guys who just want to have fun and not settle down fall for me. Its like this vicious cycle...and after every bad brother event, I go into my "I hate men" mood. This last time, my "I hate men" mood lasted quite a while, and finally it is over.

Finally, attending weddings didn't phase me, my age and spinsterhood didn't phase me, as a matter of fact I have embraced my spinsterhood with open arms, taking it as an opportunity to enjoy life, my friends, and the things I like to do. You see, I believe happiness can exist without a man by your side.

Now back to the question, and my response: I get easily irritated with aunties who try to make it sound like I somehow am less of a woman because I am not married, do not have children, don't have a place of my own, etc. I have nothing against marriage when it is done for the right reasons with the right man (and when the right man for me comes out of hiding I will take that step insha'Allah). But please don't come knocking on my door with false promises of happiness and fulfillment if I chose to get married. I'm quite happy on my own, thank you.

Best conversion story

2010-02-28T21:41:00.000-08:00

Today....

2010-02-07T20:33:00.000-08:00

...an old white guy told me that my hijaab makes the beauty of my face stand out...it made my day.

He continued to say that "these American women think that showing off every part of their bodies makes them beautiful...its a shame."

Subhan'Allah.

Get Educated....and Educate!

2010-01-31T22:09:00.000-08:00

A while ago, I wrote a very personal post which was deleted very soon after I published it. You see, I have a dark secret that I have kept to myself for much of my life. A secret that I wish I had the courage to share with someone close to me. One that has, in my mind robbed me of the innocence of childhood. I was a victim of sexual abuse.

I am not writing this post to gain some sort of pity, or to be encouraged by my readers to tell someone I know, or even to confront my abusers. I am writing this post to alert parents. Most instances of child molestation are committed by individuals that are close to the child or family. The offender is often a family member...someone who has easy access to the child, and someone who the child is relatively comfortable around. Unfortunately, this was true in my case.

As parents, guardians and caregivers, it is important that we keep a watchful eye on our children, but it is more important that we teach our children what acceptable and unacceptable behavior is. Unfortunately, I can speak from experience when I say a child doesn't immediately know or understand what is happening to them is not right. Children, generally, should be accustomed to being loved, hugged and kissed. Their minds are not programmed to understand when a kiss is more than just a normal kiss a child is used to getting. I didn't know that I was being sexually abused until I grew older, well into my teens. I'm not sure if by way of a defense mechanism my mind completely erased what happened to me and it only became apparent to me after I became sexually aware, but while I was going through what I went through, my child mind never once questioned the lewd behavior that was projected towards me.

It pains me to say this, but parents need to stop being so trusting of their relatives. It is important that if you leave your child home with a relative that you ask your child what they did with their uncle (for example). Children are innocent, they will tell you. I wish till this day that my mother would have forsaken all political correctness and politeness and that she had explained to me what a good touch and bad touch was so that I might have been able to salvage my childhood.

If you are a mother or father of a child, please don't just read this blog entry only to return to doing whatever it was that you were doing earlier. Please, if you haven't already discussed this with your child, drop what you're doing and speak to them. Educate your child, be their guide.

And don't for a second think that we are free from such a fitna because we are Muslim. Child molestation is big problem in our communities...it just doesn't get talked about. I want to change that. Start talking...to your child, your neighbor, a family member, your shaykh or community member. Make the community aware of this horrible problem.

Also, please check out the Megan's Law website to see if there are any registered sex offenders in your area.

Because you're a girl.

2009-11-07T17:03:00.000-08:00

In my 20-some years of life I have come across some ridiculously stupid comments from brothers...alhamdulilah, never from my own brother (he knows better).

You shouldn't be out late...its not safe, you're a girl. Ok, I can understand if by out you meant out in the streets of the hood where gang bangers are selling dope on the corner...sure, I'll go home...but just because you're a man, doesn't make it safe for you either. I'm sick of men who feel that they have some kind of obligation to play the over-seer of affairs, especially when the man is in NO WAY related to me. Personally, I see nothing wrong with a group of girls getting together for some late-night coffee at a near-by coffee shop or going out for dinner in town. What's wrong with that? And what makes me even more mad is when the brother in question says something like "I'm out there at night, so I know its no place for a girl." Oh dear....if its no place for me...its no place for you either...you're not exempt.

You should get married young...if you wanna have kids and all. Don't get me started. I'm sorry..but seriously who are you to talk to me about my biological clock? I had this conversation with a brother (no it wasn't made up). This brother was interested in marrying me. And apparently "no" didn't cut if for him. I tried to be nice by making it a "its not you, its me" thing, telling him I'm busy with school and work. Instead, he persisted finally telling me that I'm "not getting any younger" and that I should "really think about settling down and having kids. You see, after a certain age, men won't be interested in you." UM!? are you freaking kidding me? Now, you seem so much more attractive to me than you were 5 minutes ago. I really wanted to tell him how I really felt about him...how it had nothing to do with school but just that he disgusts me and that I can't see myself with him...ever. But I let him have his male ego trip.

I've come across countless stupid comments from the male species, but I can't seem to remember them all...perhaps I should walk around with a writing pad and write them down as I hear them.

Project: Lend an Ear

2009-10-23T21:34:00.000-07:00

Okay so the picture is a little funny and sad at the same time...haha.

But just read....

I live in the big city...the typical kind you see on TV (for those of you living in Rural areas). I drive to and from school (and other places) in rush hour traffic, I drink my coffee and eat my breakfast on the road...and there is TONS of smog. And like any big city you see in the movies..we have our occasional homeless person who sits on bus stop benches, stands on the corner at freeway exits and entrances and hauls his/her stuff down the crosswalk.

Unfortunately, with the recession, I have noticed them more. Before it seemed there was only one homeless for a given large intersection. However recently I have noticed that in my area alone there is one for every street corner and every freeway on-ramp and off-ramp. The recession seems to have hit people pretty bad. Its the worst I've seen. And my parents say its the worst since they've moved to this country. Its a shame.

Of course, I can't help but feel sad every time I see one of these distressed souls, sitting, hopeless and quite obviously stressed out. I think it hit me the hardest when I saw a man selling water bottles on a street corner with a sign that read "Ice Cold water $1 a bottle! Laid off father of two girls...please help me put food on the table." I nearly cried. Being broke and jobless myself, I feel almost helpless that I am unable to lend a helping hand to these people. Often if I don't finish my lunch earlier that day...I share it with the first person I find siting on the side of the road with a sign in his/her hand.

But one day...if a fury of frustration at my inability to find employment...I realized I just wanted someone to listen. Its frustrating, almost debilitating to constantly try finding a job and not being successful and sometimes just having someone listen to you vent helps (of course money and food would help too....Alhamdulilah I live at home though).

So I came up with an idea. The idea is not completely mine...its kind of adopted. Do you remember the "Flashmob Iftars" from 2 or 3 years back? Well...on the same note...everyone's gotta eat. I'm sure if you're living in the states (especially now) or anywhere in the world practically you can find at least one person who is less fortunate than yourself. Perhaps the economy has placed them in an unfortunate situation. Well...buy/make a lunch for yourself and one other person. Take that meal to that person and eat with them...speak to them...listen to them...or just sit silently. Reach out.

In today's society, Muslims aren't really looked at in a friendly manner...give people a reason to look at us differently and think of us differently.

And then...lemme know how your experience was. If you wanna remain anonymous....that's fine.

Hijaab.....is a state of mind

2009-10-16T17:43:00.000-07:00

Over the years, I have come across many types of hijaabis. There's the "I don't talk or look at boys" Hijaabi (I don't think there is anything necessarily wrong with her - her lifestyle just doesn't appeal to me), there's the "strictly business" hijaabi (I can relate to her), there's the "he's like my brother" hijaabi (I don't know what to think about her) and the "I'm covered and that's all that matters" hijaabi (I have issues with this one).

I want to preface this by saying that I'm not trying to play the holier than thou role here. I am sure there are a million and one things wrong with me and how I observe my hijaab. As a matter of fact, every now and then I'll do a little self evaluation and think the different ways that I totally don't do hijaab or Islam justice (astaghfirullah). I simply want to point out a few things that I've been noticing in my daily dealings with various hijaabis.

The "I don't talk to or look at boys" hijaabi: I used to be her. I had to be her. I felt that I needed to play this role in order to stay on the right path. After the Mr. Possibility situation I went into this mode. It worked for a while, but very quickly proved impossible for me. Notice, I say for me..as there are many sisters who I know are capable of playing this role. This, I think, is the best way to stay out of trouble....it works..but its hard.

The "Strictly business" hijaabi: This more of the type of hijaabi I am. I'll talk to a brother, but only because I need something...or because he needs something. Where some people may have issues with me in this regard is that I am also friendly...not friendly in a flirty manner (never that) but friendly the way you would be with a business colleague. I smile, laugh, joke around etc....but in a respectful manner.

The "he's like my brother" hijaabi: This is the sister that talks freely with and jokes around with brothers with the pretense that "he's like my brother."All I have to say to this sister is...be careful! Just because he's like your brother definitely does NOT mean he is...you're treading dangerous waters. Men are all the same..and their minds are all programed to think the same way. Besides, shaytan is one sneaky fellow. Bottom line, he's not your brother....don't treat him like he is.

The "I'm covered and that's all that matters" hijaabi: So, I have the HUGEST problem with this hijaabi. Okay, maybe that came out wrong. Let me explain. Non-Muslim men for the most part, don't understand hijaab. They are men nonetheless, they hiss and howl like dogs in a meat market at the sight of a pretty lady...even when that pretty lady happens to be a Muslim lady in hijaab. I have come across countless occasions where I have been winked at, had kisses blown at and been flirted with (I'm not that pretty). My general response to such inappropriate behavior is to look the other way and keep walking. However, I have seen other sisters laugh, smile back and even wave. They think its funny, but what this sister doesn't understand is that she just gave Islam a bad name. That man that flirted with her has no idea what Islam is or why we cover and by acting in such a manner you just showed him the Hijaab means nothing. No doubt, you can't help that you are beautiful...Allah (SWT) made you that way, but its a test...and by acting immature...you're failing. To me, hijaab is a form of Dawah. I use it explain why I can't shake a strange man's hand or why I definitely can't hug him. I use my Islamic identity to explain why I can't date, etc. When people mis-portray hijaab it upsets me.

This is more of a reminder to myself rather than an attempt to finger point.

True love.....

2009-09-27T20:49:00.000-07:00

"I have a question...do you think true love can exist outside of the bond of mother and child?" I looked at him a little confused.

"Are you asking me if true love only exists between a mother and a child?" He looks at me in affirmation, and I think about it for a while.

"No, I think two people that are not related can truly love one another."

"I disagree." He says, "I believe that two people can have a strong like for each other and they can care for each other, but you can truly only love your child or your mother...everything else is like only."

I was a little annoyed by the conversation. I always believed that two people could love each other unconditionally and that love could conquer everything...but life has taught me that love definitely cannot conquer anything...and people don't love unconditionally...they just put up with each other.

What do you think?

OMG!!! Did you get engaged!?!?

2009-09-14T20:05:00.000-07:00

So for those of you who know me...you know I'm far from engaged (see other blog).

Earlier today I ran into a brother I have known for a very long time. It seems he's been going to school just as long as I have and the two of us have known one another since then. I hadn't seen him for a while, so I stopped to say salaam and see how he was doing. It was rather pleasant catching up with him. As we talk, I notice he is looking at my hands and 10 minutes into our conversation he yells "OMG!!! Did you get engaged!?!" (relax...he's married).

I pause for a second in wonder until finally saying... "No, I didn't." And then he says, "Oh, I thought...because of your ring."

My ring is on my right hand...I have always worn this ring. And I have always been careful that I never wear any rings on my left hand in fear (or concern, rather) to confuse potential suitors into thinking that I am engaged or worse....married. Perhaps I should refrain from wearing rings all together? Or maybe I should wear a sign that says "I'm single"? Who knew a small piece of jewelry could insight such an assumption.

For the males reading this...don't assume a girl wearing a ring is engaged or married, especially if the said ring is on her right hand. Generally, the Arab population wears their engagement ring on their right hand...but this is usually a diamond ring or other ring with a pretty gem that looks like it would be a wedding ring. If the ring looks plain, its probably not an engagement ring...especially if its on the right hand.

True Qaulities of the IbadurRahman....

2009-09-08T16:15:00.000-07:00

(Lessons from Surah Furqan)

The day before yesterday we finished reading Surah Furqan in Tarawih. The Shaykh at my masjid does a small 10 minutes lecture on the tafsir of what was read. Of course he is unable in a such a short time to discuss the entire tafsir of the surah so what he does is pull out some significant stories and lessons and bases his lecture on that.

After reciting Surah Furqan he discussed the true qualities of an IbadurRahman (servant of Allah - Ar-Rahman). I took notes...

1. A true IbadurRahman does not walk with pride. He does not stomp his feet and he does not point his nose up high. He walks with humility.
Now a days walking with pride is something that we as Muslims do so much of. We walk into the masjid like we own the place as if the ground we walk on is blessed or something.

2. A true IbadurRahman says Salaam. This doesn't refer to just saying salam when you see another Muslim or upon leaving a gathering, this refers to saying salaam in such situations where there is nothing better to say than "salaam." For example, when you are having a trivial argument that is going nowhere, instead of wasting your time arguing when your time could be invested in something more worth while, stop the argument by saying "salaam" and walking away. In other words saying "you believe in what you want to believe in and I'll believe in what I want to believe in."

3. A true IbadurRahman prays Qiyam-ul-Layl. Alhamdulilah, local masajid have programs where people can come and pray qiyam-ul-layl in congregation. Alhamdulilah it seems many of the youth partake in such practices. The beauty of praying Tahajjud is that the entire world is asleep and it is just you and your Rabb. It is very easy for a person who prays to show off to pray while everyone is awake, but it is impossible for this person to wake up in the middle of the night when most of the world is sleeping, make wudhu and pray. Subhan'Allah praying Qiyam-ul-Layl is special.

4. A true IbadurRahman is not wasteful in his spending. While Allah (SWT) grants one money to spend it, it is not meant to be done in a wasteful manner. People should spend in a manner that is suitable to their means. Often times, today, we see people taking out loans for fancy cars to make a show to society. Or we will see people buying expensive designer purses that can cost $300, $400, $500 or more simply to show off that they have a designer bag. This isn't to say that a Muslim should be miserly either...people should spend within their means. Wear nice clothes, look nice, drive a decent car, but don't overspend.

5. A true IbadurRahman does not kill unjustly. I don't think this requires commentary.

6. A true IbadurRahman avoids Shirk. This does not just refer to overt shirk of ascribing partners to Allah (SWT) as the pagans have. The thing is, in today's society there is a certain degree of shirk when medicine works, instead of us acknowledging that Allah (SWT) cured us, we ascribe the cure to the medicine. When we get a promotion we are very quick to give ourselves high fives for the hard work that we have done but forget to make shurk to Allah (SWT). Even Riya (hypocrisy) is a form of shirk because a hypocrite does his worship in order to show the people rather than to please Allah (SWT).

7. A true IbadurRahman avoids Adultery. This refers to zina of the eyes, zina of the tongue, zina of the hands. In this day and age we live in a society where it is very easy to get caught up in zina, we have cyberspace at our fingertips and it is very easy to fall into Shaytan's trap. Its important for us to have pure intentions at all time so that our thoughts will be pure.

8. A true IbadurRahman avoids lying. When asked a question, a true Muslim will always give the truth to the best of his/her ability. Enough said.

9. A true IbadurRahman obeys the command of Allah and his Rasool (SAW). How often do we question someone when they say Allah (SWT) says in the Quran "XYZ"? Or the Rasool (SAW) says "WZY" and then someone carries on to say, "you know, not all Hadith are sound." Or they ask vague what if questions in a trivial attempt to undermine what was said by the person. What happened to the days when a revelation would come and immediately the people exhibited the change? Unfortunately I never knew those times, but it would be nice if we could emulate that attitude.

10. A true IbadurRahman fears for their family. Not only are they worried about their own spiritual well-being, they worry about the spiritual well-being of their family. They encourage their children to learn about the deen, they make Islam part of family life.

11. A true IbadurRahman fears Allah.

Disclaimer: I think the Shaykh mentioned 13 Qualities...and I only have 11...sorry.

What not to wear to the masjid....

2009-09-07T17:50:00.000-07:00

So the title suggests that I will list out a number of thing not to wear at the masjid...but perhaps I'll take a different approach and just rant and rave like I normally do.

Lately, being that its Ramadan, I have found myself frequenting a number of the local masajid in my area, attending Qiyams, lectures, Tarawih, Iftar etc. And I have noticed a trend among many of the younger sisters. By younger I mean middle school/high school aged sisters. I won't totally blame them, their mothers should critique the manner in which they dress before they leave the house for the masjid and their older sisters in the community should be better role models. The trend?? Dressing inappropriately.

Subhan'Allah there are times when sisters walk into the masjid that I feel like I need to look away....I can imagine how daunting it is for the brothers. Poor poor brothers, they come to the masjid during Ramadan to pray Qiyam-ul-layl and still they are plagued with the challenge of looking away as a young sister with wide hips and a big booty walking by in her butt-tight skinny jeans. I know its Ramadan and I know shaytan is locked up, but boys will be boys.

My other pet peeve is the sister who walks into the masjid with a hijaab that's half falling off her head, while her nicely curled locks are peaking out. Or the sister who's make-up looks like she's dressed and ready to go to prom. Subhan'Allah, this is the masjid. Now, I think I could be a little more tolerant if these sisters were quiet, listening or even inside the masjid. Maybe this is the night that their hearts will open because of something the shaykh said? The problem is this is usually the sister that is in and out of the masjid, talking loudly, etc. attracting more attention to herself as if her curvy figure hasn't done so already.

Don't get me wrong, properly dressed hijaabi girls are no better! On the same note, not all the inappropriately dressed sisters are a problem. I'm not sure really what I'm trying to get at. Its just, it seems to me lately that our masjids have turn into these fashion parades and hook up joints. Its as if girls get dressed in their best attire with the intention to get hooked up at the masjid. DONT get me wrong...I would no better place to meet my man than the masjid...its just if it was done with a little more decency and a little more class that would be great!

On the other hand...I'm glad these sisters and their young counter parts are actually at the masjid at 2am on a Saturday night rather than some house party....so Alhamdulilah.

I just feel like if you have a little sister, tell she's beautiful just the way she is and that she doesn't need to flaunt her assets. I think us older sisters need to step up to the plate and be big sisters and guide the little ones...and if there's a brother reading this blog (which i doubt) do the same for your little brothers.

Perhaps I am hypoglycemic...cuz I feel like I just made no sense....

....end rant...

The past is non-existant

2009-08-24T18:17:00.000-07:00

By brooding over the past and its tragedies, one exhibits a form of insanity - a kind of sickeness tat destroys resolve to live for the present moment. Those who have a firm purpose have filed away and forgotten occurrences of the past, which will never again see light, since they occupy such a dark place in the recesses of the mind. Episodes of the past are finished with; sadness cannot make things right, and depression will never bring the past back to life. This is because the past is non-existent.
Do not live in the nightmare of former times or under the shade of what you have missed. Save yourself from the ghostly apparition of the past. Do you think that you can return the sun to its place of rising, the baby to its mother's womb, milk to the udder or tears to the eye? By constantly dwelling on the past and its happenings, you place yourself in a very frightful and tragic state of mind.
Reading too much into the past is a waste of the present. When Allah mentioned the affairs of the previous nations, He the Exalted, said:

That was a nation who has passed away (Quran 2:134)

Former days are gone and done with, and you benefit nothing by carrying out an autopsy over them, by turning back the wheels of history.
The person who lives in the past is like someone who tries to saw sawdust. Of old, they used to say "Do not remove the dead from their graves."
Our tragedy is that we are incapable of dealing with the present: neglecting our beautiful castles, we wail over dilapidated buildings. If every man and every jinn were to try jointly to bring back the past, they would most certainly fail. Everything on earth marches forward, preparing for a new season - and so should you.

- 'Aaidh ibn Abdullah al-Qarni (Don't Be Sad)

This is more of a reminder for myself than anything. Often times its hard to look forward in times of difficulty and get on with life (at least it is for me). However, I am going to make this my Ramadan goal...to march forward like everything else on earth and prepare for what's next instead of worrying about what has already happened...INSHA'ALLAH.

Please remember me, my family and the Muslim Ummah in your dua this Ramadan.

Spring of my heart

2009-04-13T00:03:00.001-07:00

O Allah, I am Your slave and the son of your male slave and the son of your female slave. My forehead is in your hand. Your judgment upon me is assured and Your decree concerning me is just.
I ask You by every name that You have named Yourself with, revealed in Your book, taught anyone of Your creation, or kept unto Yourself in the knowledge of the unseen that is with You, to make the Quran the spring of my heart, and the light of my chest, the banisher of my sadness, and the reliever of my distress.

AMEEN

(Taken from the Fortress of a Muslim)

I love nature....

2009-04-05T18:50:00.000-07:00

I have always had this amazing relationship with nature. I am often overtaken with awe at the beauty of Allah's (SWT) creation from trees of different colors, fields of flowers, snow-capped mountains and even hills that are covered with lush green grass over a backdrop of overcast skies with just a touch of moisture to add some mist to your car window. Sometimes this beauty hinders my ability to drive safely because I am so inclined to stare with a smile on my face and "subhan'Allah" on my lips that I forget that I share the road with thousands of people in a rush to get to work and in the mood to deal with Sunday drivers like myself.
I enjoy sitting in empty fields, alone, free to contemplate and reflect on life and even talk to myself without having to worry about who hears me - except, of course, my creator. I feel like anyone who lives in what my father calls a "concrete jungle" needs to get away every now and again to be able to give himself the time to enjoy the beauty of nature, such beauty softens the heart. I mean, bring an amazing architect and sure, he can build and absolutely breath-taking building, but bring the most experienced land scrapers and none of them can even come close to creating something as beautiful as what Allah (SWT) Himself creates.
Not too long ago, I drove down to a local desert (not the one pictured above...that is somewhere in the Middle East). I prayed maghrib there. As my forehead hit the sand while I was in sujood, I couldn't help but think about the Prophet (SAW) and the Sahaba (RA) and how they prayed in the middle of the desert and a chill went down my back. I had the same feeling a while back when I was in the Middle East. Oh, how I wish I was there. When I spent time in the desert in the Middle East, I watched the sunset thinking subhan'Allah the Prophets (AS) could have walked through this very desert, the sahaba (RA) could have rode their camels through here. And when it got dark, I thought about how I had full service on my cell phone and then thought about how the Prophets (AS) really had nothing of the sort.
As the sun disappeared and the sky got pitch black, I was unable to see my hand as I held it out in front of my face. I got that stomach drop feeling you get when you take the first drop of a rollercoaster - subhan'Allah when the prophet (SAW) traveled in the night during the Hijrah, it was pitch black and he didn't have a cell phone or any other communicating device. The amount of sacrifice the Prophets (AS) and Sahaba (RA) made for the deen is absolutely unsurpassable - its a shame that we sin on a daily basis and often do not represent Islam as we should. It breaks my heart - and unfortunately I am as guilty as anyone.

Lost my touch?

2009-03-29T20:43:00.000-07:00

Its been a while. I've been meaning to come by numerous times to type up a little rant about how my life is going. There have been times that I've started writing and just didn't like the sound of things, or just wasn't feeling like writing and simply closed my browser and walked away with a large number of written out posts that are lacking substance and have no ending. I think I've contracted some form of writer's block. Perhaps I am simply lacking the motivation to write? Lately, my life has been rather uneventful - it can be a good thing and it could be a bad thing...I still haven't decided what it is.

For the past (I don't know how many) weeks, I've been left to do a lot of thinking about life and its outcomes. Good thinking - I think. I am not angry, sad, mad, depressed or any of those adjectives...I am content. Alhamdulilah.

Since my last post, which seems like ages ago, I have pulled away from a lot of people and though it may sound like a bad thing, I think it served for the best. It has allowed me to reflect on me or at least that's what I'm telling myself. However, I have found that even with all this pulling away and reflection I am unable to really accurately put my feelings to paper (my only source of outlet), perhaps they are too abstract to make sense even to me? Come to think of it, they really are just a huge blob of thoughts that circle in my brain waiting for escape but are much to crazy to share. I dunno.

My best friend is usually the one person who can decipher my thoughts and feelings when I can't understand them for myself. She usually can just hear the tone in my voice when discussing a certain topic and can automatically understand my feelings. As if the physical distance wasn't enough, I feel as though we are farther away from each other as the time passes by. I suppose marriage does that - it changes all the relationships you've ever had. Sometimes for better and sometimes for worse. So for now, its me and you! I'll try to make as much sense as possible.

Until next time, remember me in your duas.

My little Angel

2009-03-11T23:57:00.000-07:00

Subhan'Allah the past few weeks have been like excruciating torture to me. The combination of my academic struggles and the whirlwind of feelings I call my emotions has just made this big jumbled up mess. To top it all off my best friend is in some far off land where the phone lines and electricity cut out frequently and when they actually do work, the time change makes calling at an appropriate hour very difficult. I've gotten to the point where I just don't want to see or speak to anyone and just disappear into non-existence only when that actually happens I long for someone to talk to. Humans! They're never happy. This blog comes in handy when you want to talk to someone and be non-existant at the same time, but I must admit, having a real human with real responses would be ideal (sorry guys).

Just as I thought things could not possibly get more depressing than they already are, I was assigned a patient - a tiny little boy (six weeks old) who's face I cannot get out of my face and who's cry I constantly hear. I think of him when I feel down, and suddenly my life seems perfect. This little innocent baby was abused by his father who allegedly stepped on his head and caused major bleeding and swelling in the brain which in turn caused some major neuro changes in this boy. What's more depressing is that mom was nowhere to be seen or heard from. When I would go in and assess him or give him meds he would cry this weak cry and the sound of that defenseless cry tore at my heart strings. How could anyone even think to do such a horrible thing to such a small defenseless child? What would possibly trigger a person to something like this? A child this age deserves to be loved, he deserves to be held in his mothers hands and be fed either by breast or bottle - NOT a tube!! This child needs to be smouthered in kisses, not swaddled and left in a crib to cry alone and not be heard.

I found my ears to listen :) He deserves to be held, so when I'm free and have nothing to do, I sit in his room, in the rocking chair and hold him. While I am not allowed to kiss him due to hospital regulations, I cuddle him and talk to him and tell him how I feel and he listens, I know he does because he looks me square in the eye - I'm sure he doesn't understand a word I'm saying, but who cares? I wonder sometimes if sane, awake, oriented adults understand what I'm saying.

While I sit there and play mommy, I wonder what he's thinking. I wonder how he would smile if he was allowed to be a healthy child like he was born, how instead of crying he would coo like a normal baby. Why bring a child into this world if you're not going to love it?

This little angel of mine makes my pittiful life look like absolute perfection.

I think I'm slipping

2009-02-21T16:17:00.001-08:00

Since this whole Mr. Possibility thing has been over, I've been doing a lot of thinking. For those of you who know me (from my blog...which is quite an accurate indicator of me), you are well aware of my belief that all things happen for a reason. I am an individual that likes to see the good in every situation despite its bitterness. That being said, I am happy in a dreary kind of way. However, with that happiness came a sort of realization that I will take as a wake up call of sorts. Remember when I said I thought I was compromising my faith? I think I have in a sense and I'm scared! I need an Iman Rush stat! Before my time became occupied with telephone conversations and emails and formal dinners at his parents house or mine, I spent my time at the masjid as much as possible, even if it was just very quick to stop by and make salah. I want to point out that I am not blaming him...its all my fault (well shaytan played a huge role in too).

I just feel like I've hit this point of disconnect. I mean I still pray and all that good stuff (alhamdulilah), but sometimes it feels like this combination of words and actions - I'm missing the kushoo..and I wish it would come back really quick.

I dunno...I just feel empty...help.

It's over.

2009-02-10T12:59:00.000-08:00

I think the title says it all....its over - with Mr. Possibility, that is.

In a sense I'm happy, but at the same time I'm saddened that things didn't end up as anticipated by my friends and my family. These past couple of months have been somewhat of an eye opener for me and despite the disappointment, I'm glad I experienced it. I've learned a lot.

I want to start off by saying that I don't hate him (Alhamdulilah) and I don't think that he's a bad person either, he's just not the person for me. Subhan'Allah, its so funny how all this time during out "courtship" if that's what you want to call it, I looked for ways this could work and I saw the good in our relationship (not that it was bad), and then yesterday while I was praying Isha, it dawned on me - I'm not happy and I definitely am not myself. I know a lot of it is contributed to my work load and my busy schedule and the fact that I'm really never home and when I am, I'm working on this assingment and that project, etc. But I have also noticed that there's a bigger change - I rarely smile and I cry too much (totally not my personality).

And its not just that either. I'm the type of person that finds the beauty in Allah (SWT) creation. I admire the beauty of the sky, the ocean, the wind and just about everything else. It gives me an Iman rush. The couple times that I have had such a conversation with him about the beauty of the moon or how much I enjoy nature and how it just amazes me, etc. He kind of just answers with the affirmative and thats the end of the discussion and then we're back to "so what are your plans for the weekend?"

I thought that I could push him to change, but I feel like I'm being pulled in the other direction and it scares me. I don't really think the strength of my faith is something that I'm willing to tamper with even if it will land me a lifetime partner. I need someone who wants to be a better Muslim, someone who pushes me to be a better Muslim. I mean its good to have fun and what not but there's more to life than just fun and games. I need someone who shares the same life goals as I do - I'm not sure if I make sense or not, but I just had to get it off my chest in hopes that someone understands me.

Misfortunes

2009-01-23T18:41:00.000-08:00

How fitting this quote is...

‘Do not detest the misfortunes that befall you, for what you detest may be the cause of your salvation and what you like may be the cause of your ruin.’

~ Hasan Al-Basri

I cry for Gaza

2009-01-12T21:37:00.000-08:00

As I sit watching the news of the atrocities in Gaza - particularly world news, Al-Jazeera to be exact, because its the only channel that shows it like it is - I feel guilty. I'm ashamed to be sitting in the comfort of my home, on my nice soft couch, in my nicely ironed clothes, calm despite my boiling blood as a result of the injustices my brothers and sisters are enduring. I am ashamed to sit in front of my TV as images of dying children are flashing before my eyes, while my nieces and nephews are laughing and giggling in the background, playing hide-and-seek - a child should never know the world of guns and bombs, and yet this is an everyday reality for too many children.

My heart aches and the pain is unbearable when I see a mother wailing, crying and screaming at the news that her child has died, the images make me sick to my stomach - I am no longer able to drink my tea in front of my TV set.

I feel helpless and this makes me disgusted at myself! How could I possibly just be sitting here, knowing in my heart that what is going on is wrong and unjust - and still I'm just sitting here. I cry and my heart aches, the tears well up in my eyes. The news causes my heart to race and my rage is causing my face to turn red with anger - and still I am at home, safe, with my family, without a single fear in my mind that they will be taken from me. I even smile every now and again at the jokes my nephew says and then I am reminded that while my life is perfect at this very moment, one of my brothers and sisters are suffering.

As night time approaches and I am extremely exhausted from the long day of lectures and the tedious hours of studying, I get ready for sleep. As my head hits the pillow a horrible thought crosses my mind - while I sleep, comfortably in the warmness of my bed, they are dying. Suddenly, sleep is not an option. How could I sleep, knowing what is going on?? I wish I was there, able to do something - anything - even if it is to give someone a hug and feel the pain that they are feeling.

**sigh**

PLEASE!!! Keep our brothers and sisters in Gaza in your dua's

Jihad-un-Nafs......

2008-11-29T23:34:00.000-08:00

And I lost the battle big time. I'd rather not go into details, but I'd just like to say that I feel stupid to say the very least. What the heck was I thinking??

Anyways, I'm really not in the mood to discuss it, so instead I'll share something that I've been meaning to share for quite some time....

Dated June 26, 2006 ( I think) - In regards to Mr. Possibility (round one)...FIGHT..(Just Kidding)

Today I learned a very important lesson and while I am have a painfully difficult time digesting what life taught me, I am happy in a gloomy and gray kind of way. The lesson? Well, it has many parts to it. For starters, life is too short, I've learned that a broken heart really hurts and that keeping your feelings bottled up inside doesn't benefit anyone. I have learned not to trust too much and that thinking with your mind can be just as dangerous as thinking with your heart. I have learned that life is cruel, but Allah (SWT) is merciful. Alhamdulilah I am Muslim because if I wasn't I would be at a bar downing shots of vodka in a sad effort to drown my sorrows. I have learned that anticipation and optimism while beautiful are also the two ugliest concepts ever. And still, all I can think of is that painful broken heart that I am enduring at the moment.

If ther is one thing that I have always known, its that Allah (SWT) is the best of planners and that He never presents a person with a hardship that he cannot handle. I have always known that something that doesn't kill you will make you stronger and although optimism is not on my good side, I am going to let it stick around for a while.....its the only way I think I can survive.

I believe that everything happens for a reason, no matter how bad it hurts, there is a significance to everything and nothing is a mistake. Perhaps he was brought into my life to make me a better Muslim? My mind is obviously not sophisticated enough to comprehend the loop holes and reasons being the events of my life, only my Raab knows the answer to that. And while I can go on and on about the things that I am feeling despite my inability to comprehend, I am going to conclude by saying "Alhamdulilah."

I'm back (for now)

2008-11-18T21:24:00.000-08:00

So I've been gone for a while...almost nearing a month. For all those who left me messages and emails with well wishes and curiosity..thanks! It feels good to know that someone cares to know what's going on.

A lot of people have been emailing or commenting on the situation with Mr. Possibility (I say a lot like its a million people...ok ok...SOME). Alhamdulilah, things are going well. I know I sit here and rant and rave about how he doesn't really fit the bill when it comes to religiosity and what not, but he really is a good guy. Don't get me wrong, it still bothers me that he's not super religious or that his social views are rather liberal compared to mine, but as a person he is really amazing. Don't get all excited, there are no wedding bells, no engagement ring, nothing. Its just that over the past few days, when I've needed a friend the most and a shoulder to cry on (in the figurative way, not literally), he has been there. He's tried his hardest to cheer me up and for the most part has succeeded.

One of the things that I admire about him is that he supports me in everything that I do. He supports my decision to persue a higher education, my desire to work and be active in the community both Islamically and not. The problem I find in most "religious" men is that while they follow most Islamic guidelines when it comes to life, i.e. praying, going to the masjid, relations with the opposite gender, community work, etc., they often fail to support their wives' community involvement and participation (its a bit of a double standard). Mr. Possibility on the other hand, while not super active, he supports me and applauds me for my effort...I like that.

When I read the entries that I wrote about him in the past, I have truly been unjust to him. He truly is a kind hearted man. And I'm not sure if I'm being naive or childish, but after my (almost) month of absence, I truly saw how much he cares about me. I'm going to be more open minded from now on insha'Allah.

Muslims and Halloween.....I don't get it

2008-10-30T22:39:00.000-07:00

So, tomorrow is Halloween (let's throw a party....NOT)

I don't get it! What I mean is I don't understand this new (or maybe just to me) concept of Muslims celebrating Halloween. I mean, don't get me wrong I celebrated it back in the day when I was a kid. I even dressed up as a Ninja Turtle or something (Donatello, I think) but I think the last Halloween I celebrated was when I was 6. After that, I think my dad or the Imam at the masjid put a stop to it or something. Besides, as my parents like to say "times have changed, you can't trust people now a days." I remember coming home with my sack full of candy and then having it meticulously searched by my mom and dad before I could eat it. But that is besides the point! The point is, for years we've been told about the Haraamness of Halloween and I totally agree with it..I think its totally pagan and haraam in every way, what I don't get is how and why Muslims have started to delve back into celebrating it....it makes no sense. And as if the haraamness comes from going out into the streets and dressing up as someone, lets have a costume party at the masjid on HALLOWEEN! What is happening to this ummah?

I had a conversation with Mr. Possiblity about this matter. He apparently attended a Halloween party this week. He validated it by telling me that it was an event for his masters program....khair. He could tell that I was annoyed by what he had said and then asked me what the big deal was. What's the big deal??? Are you kidding me?? You just told me that you engaged in this kafir/pagan party and now you're asking me what the big deal is?! Needless to say I haven't spoken to him in a week. URGH.

To some people - Like Mr. Possibility - Dressing up as someone you're not and attending a party where everyone else is dressed up as someone they're not is not a big deal. And perhaps when you say it like that it isn't a big deal, but when you look back to see why you're dressed up and why you engage in that practice you'd have to be an idiot to not see the danger and sin in it. Or perhapse I'm the idiot...only Allah knows. The way I see it, its better to just stay away completely.

As for Mr. Possiblity...I wish he would change, not for me...but for himself, for the sake of Allah. I told my parents that I would TRY to make it work. And if it does, Alhamdulilah and if not Alhamdulilah...Allah (SWT) is the best of planners.

As if I wasn't confused enough....

2008-10-19T16:39:00.000-07:00

He threw yet another curve ball.

Yesterday was my day off, so I took major advantage of it and spent my time out, with my friends. It was rather nice: A few good friends, lunch out in the grass, overlooking a nearby lake...pure bliss. I definitely was not expecting the following events...it was the last thing on my mind.

Anyways, after praying Maghrib at a friends apartment, I made my way back home. As I pull up to my driveway, I see 2 cars parked out by my house...two very familiar cars. My parents didn't tell me there were going to be visitors. If I had known I definitely would not be wearing THIS hijaab, and OMG I'm so sweaty from playing soccer. The cars? My brother's car was blocking the driveway as it always does on the weekends when he comes by with his daughter and the other....are you ready for this? Mr. Possibility's car was parked on my driveway....IN MY SPOT. Naturally, I parked my car on the street. The keys remained in the ignition and my headlights remained on - I sat there for what seemed like hours, but in actuality was probably just a couple minutes. What the - what is he doing here? Does my hijaab look okay? Where's my lip gloss? Maybe its not him....maybe his parents came in his car, but then why are they here? The questions are bombarding my mind, almost like my neurons are having some kind of party. I can't deny that I didn't feel like turning on my car and taking off, but I didn't. Instead, I took a deep breath, looked at myself in the mirror, pulled the keys out of the ignition and made my way to my front door.

I opened the door and peeked my head in, the way I do when I'm home really late and I want to see if my mom is sitting on the couch waiting for me before I start to dish out the 101 reasons why I'm late. Only this time, my mom wasn't on the couch....he was. This is not happening!! Only, it was. Well you can't shut the door and leave now...you may as well go in. "Assalamualaikum" I say generally, loud enough for people to hear, but quiet enough to not invite any unwarranted conversation. And then, I quickly run upstairs. As I ran up the stairs, I noticed a bouquet of flowers on the coffee table. No, seriously, this isn't happening. When I got in my room, I sat on my bed, staring at the mirror as if it was going to give me answers, and it didn't.

My phone buzzes - a text message - from him. "I didn't come here to see your parents you know..." This is happening. I changed my clothes - a nicer hijaab and an nicer smelling abaya, put on a little lip gloss and made my way downstairs again. I swear my heart was pounding so fast it felt like it was gonna jump out of my chest. His parents are sitting down with my parents and he's sitting with my brother. They all seemed to be engaged in conversation that suddenly ceased when I walked downstairs. AWKWARD! Again I say salaams, this time it was loud enough for me to hear over my beating heart.

His mom jumps off her seat and greets me with this huge hug and kiss. I was too nervous to even say a word to him, I didn't even want to look at him. When I said talk to my dad, I didn't mean come over!!! I find a seat next to my mom. Again, my phone buzzes. I should have left that stupid phone upstairs!

With any aunty hook-up thing, or any aunty get together thing for that matter, there was tea and cookies. My mother elbows me and says "Why don't you see if Mr. Possiblity wants any." If looks could kill, I think my mother might have been dead tonight (May Allah (SWT) protect her). I didn't ask him if he wanted any, but instead his mother called him to the table. As if that's not awkward enough, my mother and his mother leave the table and we're left to sit there. Why is this so hard?? I've known him my whole life.

He tells a couple dumb jokes to ease the tension off of me a little - I suppose the comic relief helped a bit. We talked for a while. And by "we talked" I mean he talked, I say a couple of words in response to his questions and we suffered through a million awkward silences.

The verdict? I have decided to give it a shot. His parents and my parents seem very interested in this union and I love them all very dearly. So for them - and for a bit of guilty pleasure - I am going to try....TRY....to make this work.

They leave...another buzz...."How's that for my grand gesture? Sweet dreams"

"Adult code blue to the emergency room..."

2008-10-16T17:48:00.000-07:00

As a nurse, these words are all to familiar. I hear them day in and day out, sometimes even more than once a day. Although I don't work on the emergency unit, the statement is made over the intercom for health care workers to hear. It never bothered me, to me it was normal - part of the job - I often pay no attention to it, other times I get this rush of adrenalin and almost a sense of excitement and I'm ashamed to say that sometimes the thought of "oh, how cool, I wish that was my patient" crosses my mind. I'm not a harsh person, I love my patients and I care about them, I also get very attached to them, but there's just something about a coding patient that brings the super hero in you out. It's the pull your hair up in a ponytail (even though mines in hijaab), roll your sleeves up and get to work kind of adrenaline rush. Its amazing (and I know right now I sound like the most insensitive person ever) it just feels good to have the ability to save a person's life. But then it hit me today as the code was on my floor. Alhamdulilah my patients were just fine. My friend's patient coded and while I saw the excitement in her eyes, I also saw the fear in her eyes - the fear that she would lose her patient.

Then it dawned on me - the angel of death could be in this hospital right now, in this patients room, less than a couple of feet away from me. The thought sent chills down my back. All this time as I walk on to this unit, I walk on like I'm Wonder Woman, ready to conquer any situation that comes my way and suddenly I was humbled. Sometimes even the toughest of medical measures and chest compressions and "heroic events" as they call it here at the hospital is no match for Allah (SWT) when he calls, the soul goes - Time of death 0945.

Death visits this hospital every day. After today, I've begun to wonder if the angel of death is in my patient's room when I come in to do my vitals or go in to give them their lunch or while I'm sitting in the break room taking care of my charting - the thought gives me goosebumps. It's almost like the feeling I get as I drive by grave yards - how quiet and peaceful it looks on the outside, serene, almost like a dream, but only Allah (SWT) knows the horror and the dread the person in the grave is going through as he is inflicted with azhab al-qabr. May Allah (SWT) protect us all (ameen).

Female Medical Professionals at the Time of the Prophet (SAW)

2008-10-12T16:00:00.000-07:00

Before I start this post, I want to thank Amaat al-Kareem for inspiring me to write an entry on this topic. Alhamdulilah, it gave me an opportunity to educate myself. Insha'Allah you will find this information as interesting and awe-inspiring as I have. Subhan'Allah these women were amazing to say the least!

Much of what we know today in regards to medicine and surgery is due to the contribution of the Muslim world. Perhaps this is a topic that I will write about on another day.

We all know from the history of Islam that there were many battles and with all these battles it was inevitable for soldiers to be wounded and even killed. So, who took care of these wounded soldiers? Who helped them regain optimum health? This is where the Women come in! Islamic History is laden with stories of extraordinary women doing extraordinary things - Nursing the sick back to health is one of those things.

Rufaidah bint Sa'd was the first professional Nurse in Islamic history. Her father was a physician from who she learned her skills and knowledge by serving as his assistant. She lived during the life of the Prophet (SAW) and would tend to those who were sick or wounded in battle. Her tent was equipped with supplies necessary to perform surgery and administer first aide care. When Sa'd ibn Mua'dh was injured in the battle of the trenceh, the prophet (SAW) directed him to her tent to seek medical aide. Rufaidah bint Sa'd set up a tent outside of the Prophet's (SAW) tent and would tend to the ill who came to her. It is important to note that she didn't just limit her service to society through medicine, but also participated as a social worker helping the orphans, the disabled and the elderly. She worked to help solve the problems within society that would contribute to health problems. She would also care fo the orphans and teach them life skills.

Other women skilled in medicine and nursing included: Umm Muta', Umm Kabashah, Hamnah bint Jahsh, Mu'adhah, Laila, Umaimah, Umm Zaid, Umm 'Atiyyah, and Umm Sulaim.

Sources: London Met ISOC, Crescent Life

Unfortunately, I couldn't find a more throrough compilation of stories on these extraordinary women online. Perhaps there is a book or something of that sort somewhere. Insha'Allah I will keep my eye out for it. If any of you know of a book, website or even a CD set that has an in depth account of the lives of these women, please either send me an email or a comment.

Jazak'Allah Khair.

Its time for another girly post....

2008-10-05T16:08:00.000-07:00

In all honesty, I hate the girly side of me. You know the side that thinks about guys (usually in my case its one particular one..i think I've long outgrown the constant crushing stage of life), the side who over analyzes things and the side that cares too much about what the other person thinks or feels even though you swear to yourself up and down that you don't care.....I HATE IT!!

A couple months ago, I wrote about Mr. Possibility and how somehow or the other he managed to squeeze himself back into my life and how I was confused as to what to do or how to deal with it (um...just read the post). I'm not usually one to speak about my feelings, which is one of the reasons I started this blog in the first place....to discuss how I feel inside, get advice, hear your input all the while not being judged (besides, even if you judge me...you don't know for sure who I am).

Two months ago, following my best friend's wedding, Mr. Possibility wiggled his way back into my life. It first started off with a couple of glances from all the way across the room to online messages about how sorry he was for ever doing anything to hurt me and how he wanted a second chance. Like any girl, the attention made me feel good in a weird way. For the longest, despite the closeness of our families (his father and my uncle are best friends) I have managed to steer clear of him, deliberately not going to his house when I know he's there or outright ignoring him when he's around. I find it, however, interesting that after we had agreed to be "friends" and call it a truce how I see him everywhere. The funniest thing is that he doesn't even live in the same state as me!!! And if I don't see him, I hear about him.

The other day my aunt was like "hey Hijaabified Beauty, what do you think about Mr. Possibility??" I think you and him would make a wonderful couple....I nearly choked on my tea. My mom even thinks he's a great prospect...I mean who wouldn't...he's good looking, funny, he loves his family and alhamdulilah they are well to do, my only problem is his religiousity. I wish he was the type of brother that would drop everything he was doing to go pray salatul asr, even if he's out shopping at the mall, but he isn't, at least not from what I see. The other day I ran into him at this place that I always study at (he was in town for Eid), he said salams and sat at my table and attempted to study with me, and when I asked him just what he thought he was doing he made it seem like there was no big deal in he and I studying together - afterall we were in a public place. When I explained that it was a big deal for me, he kind of gave me this weird look and sat somewhere else. I was releived, but I won't lie - I felt bad...I think I hurt his feelings.

After all these years and all the changes that we went through, I still care what he thinks, I still worry that I hurt his feelings, I still wonder what he's upto. I don't think its that I still see him as Mr. Possiblity, or at least I hope I don't. I keep telling myself that...."Hb, its not going to work out, move on, he's not your type." Then why did I reject a proposal that came my way recently? Why is it when I got that proposal I thought what would Mr. Possiblity think? I still hurt when he hurts, I still think how he's doing living so far away from home, I still get that rollercoaster dipping feeling in my stomach when he smiles at me after all these years, and I still get that warm feeling in body when his parents are so nice to me. When I'm around his family I get this fuzzy feeling, BUT I can not see myself raising good Muslim children with him. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!!?

I don't really think I'm looking for a real answer...I just needed to tell someone....thanks for listening.

PS: I could use a TON of dua's right now.

Farewell Ramadan...and Eid Mubarak!

2008-09-29T16:13:00.000-07:00

Its that bittersweet feeling again. You know, the one where you look forward to celebrating Eid-ul-fitr with friends and family, but at the same time are saddened to see the blessed month of Ramadan come to an end. I don't know about you, but subhan'Allah I feel like Ramadan just started! I cannot wait for it to start up again next year insha'Allah (I pray that Allah (SWT) blesses me with the ability to witness another Ramadan) when I don't have any school so that insha'Allah I can devote all my time and effort into making the most out of this blessed month. Of course, school is not an excuse!

I find it funny how we (and by we, I mean me) take advantage of our young age and think that we are so invincible, I mean, how could we possibly get ill or die at such a young age. I am so guilty of it at times, I often find myself rationalizing my inability to attend tarawih because of my exam tomorrow morning with the idea that there is always next year. Subhan'Allah how naiive. When these thoughts creep into my mind I quickly remind myself of the friend of mine that is battling cancer and the 2 friends of mine that shockingly passed away earlier this year. They too were young, they too probably thought that they would live to see Ramadan again. How blind we are.

I am reminded of something I heard this Ramadan, during a program on the last ten days where the Sheikh said, 'if you live to see the morning, don't expect to see the evening, and if you live to see the evening, don't expect to see the next mornig.' How true it is, yet how many of us really think like this?

Anyways, I can ramble on and one, but I won't. I really just wanted to wish you all Eid Mubarak! Please remember me, my family and the Muslim Ummah at large in your dua's. Also, lets all make dua that Allah (SWT) blesses us with the ability to witness another Ramadan.

Alhamdulilah for Catharsis

2008-09-19T12:47:00.001-07:00

I have had many discussions with people who question me as to why I do the work that I do. These people aren't necessarily asking me for an explanation as to what makes me tick but rather they ask in a manner that I find insulting, I get this especially from brothers who feel like women should stay home and simply cook and care for their children. Granted, I think its good to be a good mother and insha'Allah when the time comes, I will embrace the opportunity with open arms and an open heart - I think children are amazing.

Why on earth would I want to be a nurse? Why would I put myself in a position in which I have to work so closely with men, in a profession that requires me to touch them when necessary. My answer is usually followed by a whirlwind of anger and frustration that the question was asked in the first place, but here it is:

My desire to be in this profession came about from my fascination for the human body and the Iman rush I get from studying it and from seeing how intricate it is - Subhan'Allah its amazing. I wanted to do something that in my mind benefits society and what better way to do so than caring for the ill? And yes, my job requires me to touch men, but giving a shot, hooking up an IV and bandaging a wound in my mind isn't something that is going to lead to fitnah. And while I agree that it is not proper for a woman to view a man's awrah - situations such as that only arise when the patient is too incompacitated to care for himself. I remember helping an old man bathe and the whole time he apologized to me and told me how embarassed he was that he couldn't even do that much for himself. I pray that Allah (SWT) sees the compassion in my actions and judges it accordingly and that He keep us all in good health so that we may be able to bathe and clean ourselves without assistance.

Yesterday, I had a conversation with a patient of mine that moved me almost to the verge of tears that I had to excuse myself. She's my age, we share the same birthday ironically and the fact that she has borderline personality disorder only (I say it like its no big deal) I find it rather easy to connect with her - she's almost like a friend. She's full of life and makes it a point to make me laugh, smile and and feel at ease, despite the fear that is all too visible on my face as I walk onto the unit. Masha'Allah she's amazing. I asked her if anyone ever visits her at the hospital on the weekends or while I'm not at the hospital and she said "no." Here is our conversation:

Me: Well, do you have family?
Her: Yea, my brother is in Kansas and my mother is in jail.
Me: What did she do to go to jail?
Her: She used to sexually and physically abuse me and my brother.
Me: (Silent)
Her: I wish I never said anything, I feel bad. Cuz, I feel like if I never said anything I would be with her right now, and not here.
Me: But you know you didn't do anything wrong right? It's not your fault.
Her: But I mean, I should have stayed queit, it couldn't have gone on forever, it had to have stopped eventually.
Me: Its possible, but you don't know that. I think you did the right thing, you have nothing to sorry for.
Her: You know, sometimes you feel like having a family like normal people, having a mother to talk to and being able to enjoy weekends - I don't have that. I have the people here, but its just not the same.
Me: (my heart stopped and I could feel the cry bump starting to form and the tears starting to well in my eyes - I excused myself and returned after I had regained composure).

If anything, I like my job because it teaches me to be greatful for what I have. Until today I haven't understood how families can just erase their members simply because they are sick. I wonder if my patient's family members think about them. I don't accept that you can just ignore it - I mean, how could you?

A memo from God

2008-09-11T17:39:00.000-07:00

I'm doing a rotation with mentally ill patients - basically I'm working at a Psych Hospital. Keep in mind, its not just any psych hospital, its one of the worst hospitals out there. I have a wide variety of patients the majority are either Schizophrenic or Bipolar. At first, I was scared of them - almost terrified - until I heard their stories, but now, I cry almost everyday when I come home. I work with a population that isn't represented by society, a population that is practically swept under the rug - out of sight, out of mind. These patients live behind the locked doors of the facility and while they are aloud outside, they are never allowed off grounds unless they are on good behavior. Some of these patients have never seen their families or have had their families check out. A lot of them come from abusive families who's torment caused them to turn out the way they are. I used to laugh at statements like "I hear voices" but now realize how horrifying it could be to have multiple voices in your head telling you to do things like hurt yourself or others, or telling you that you are worthless.

I have had the opportunity to talk to a lot of the patients on my floor and to here their stories, and while I try very hard to hold my composure, I can't tell you how much I just want to break down and cry. One of my patients has been in the mental health system since she was just a child, she's in her late 20's now. She tells me about how both her mother and father live in states miles and miles away from the Hospital. She tells me how neither of them call her, write her, visit her, how she doesn't have anyone to talk to and how she's all alone. I can't imagine how any mother could turn her back on her child and completely abandon her simply because she is sick. How do you just erase that part of your life? This particular patient of mine is getting much better, but is lately starting to deliberately exhibit signs of aggression and agitation because here, she has family - one nurse is her play mom, the other is her sister, and so forth. She doesn't have a family, so she creates one - and she doesn't want to leave them, even though it means finally getting a chance to live in a less crazy place.

I was looking through another patients chart earlier today and her marital status is labeled as married. It seems like a stupid comment to make but she is one of my patients who is tormented by her hallucinations. She makes absolutely no sense when she speaks and often times words are not decipherable when they come out of her mouth except when she says things like "wedding dress, chapel, I'm getting married, dress with lace." I wish I could speak to her more, but it seems as though her illness struck her sometime during her wedding or when she got married.

I have one patient who has been an alcoholic since he was 13! Yes, 13. He started drinking when his father died and it as he said "made me go crazy, and now I see demons." He see's demons - I can't image how terrifying that might be.

I can go on and on, but I don't know if anyone would understand me if they haven't been there, perhaps I just needed to share. But the reason I wrote this is because I attended one of the wellness classes my patients participate in and one of them handed me this piece of paper (I've seen it before in an email Forward) titled "A memo from God." I read it and told her how amazing I thought it was and she told me, you know...that right there is how I get by every day in this looney bin.

Here it is:

To: You
Date: Today
From: The Boss
Subject: Yourself
Reference: Life

I am God. Today I will be handling your problems. Please remember I do not need your help.
If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, do not attempt to resolve it. Kindly put it in the SFGTD (something for God to do) box. It will be addressed in My time, not yours. Once the matter is place into the box, do not hold on to it.
If you find yourself stuck in traffic, don't despair. There are people in this world for whom driving is not a privilege.
Should you have a bad day at work, think of the man who has been out of work for years.
Should you despair over a relationship gone bad, think of the person who has never known what its like to love and be loved in return.
Shoudl you grieve the passing of another weekend, think of the women in dire straits, working twelve hours a day, seven days a week to feed her children.
Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from assistance, think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take that walk.
Should you notice a new gray hair in the mirror, think of the cancer patient in Chemo who wishes she had hair to examine.
Should you find yourself t a loss and pondering what is life all about, asking what is my purpose? Be thankful. There are those who didn't live long enough to get this opportunity.
Should you find yourself being the victim of other people's bitterness, ignorance, smallness or insecurities, remember, things could be worse. YOU COULD BE THEM!!!!

Ok this wasn't really a Ramadan Post, but I thought it was worth it. Besides, Ramadan is about being Greatful! A friend of mine was just diagnosed with stage 3 cancer (I don't know what kind yet) please, please, please keep her in your dua's. Subhan'Allah life is so unpredictable. I hope that you are all in the best of health insha'Allah.

Have a good one.

10 Goals for Ramadan

2008-09-01T23:41:00.001-07:00

Assalamualaikum...

Insha'Allah everyone's fast went well today. I know I promised to take notes on 186 Rules of Ramadan, and Insha'Allah I plan on doing so, its just that my school load is a tad heavier than what I had anticipated and I have taken on a new goal (memorizing as many surah's as possible this month). I have been longing to compile a good, Ramadan-related post and Insha'Allah when one comes to mind, I will.

I came across this article that addresses 10 goals that anyone can set to acheive this Ramadan. I hope you find it useful.

Eat, drink and be moderate

Almost all of us do it - once Iftar time hits, we just keep plowing food and drink into our mouths till it's hard to move afterwards. And those of us who do it know this is totally contrary to the spirit of Ramadan, through which we're supposed to learn self-control not self-indulgence. Let's try to stick to the Prophetic rule on eating: fill our stomachs with one-third food, one-third water and one-third breathing space, even in Ramadan.

Give a dollar a day in charity...or five or ten

The Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, was always generous but even more so in Ramadan. Let's open our hearts and dig a little deeper in our wallets this year. Even less than a dollar a day adds up. Whatever you can give, it's the intention that counts.

Memorize 4 new Surahs

Memorizing the Quran often seems like a daunting task. But the key is doing it in small bites. Since there are four weeks in Ramadan, try to memorize one new Surah a week. Start off with a short, easy one. Once you've started, you'll build momentum and may even want to memorize a longer one the following week.

Go to Tarawih prayers

Post-Iftar, the first urge is to sleep after an exhausting day. But try your best to head out to the mosque for Tarawih prayers. Praying alone is wonderful, but doing it in congregation is fantastic. The community spirit is part of Ramadan's blessings. Don't miss it this year. If going every day is not possible, try going at least once week.

Attend the Tarawih prayer in which the recitation of the Quran will be finished

Call the local mosque and find out which day the Imam will be finishing the recitation of the Quran in prayer. Attend to not only hear part of the Quran's recitation in prayer, but also participate in the heart-rending Duas that follow it.

Stop swearing and/or backbiting Ð with a special box

It's hard not to shoot our mouths off when someone's upset us. Whether we utter those four-letter words or backbite about someone to our family and friends, we know this isn't the God-approved way of letting off steam. In Ramadan, when we want to build our spirituality, we've got to wage Jihad against our bad habits.

Try this: get a box and every time you catch yourself swearing or backbiting put some money in it. It could be a buck or less. The point is to choose an amount that makes it feel like punishment.

At the end of the month send the money to a charity or buy a gift for the person whom you've backbitten the most against.

Call/email your relatives

You'd think that given the easy access to email, competitive long-distance calling rates, phone cards, etc. these days, we'd keep in touch with family and friends more often. But the opposite seems to be the case, as we get caught up in life's "busyness."

Strengthening ties with family members and keeping in touch with friends is part of our way of life and an act Allah is very pleased with. This Ramadan, call family and friends or at least email them a Ramadan card and ask them how their fasting is going.

Go on a technology diet

Even if you work in the IT industry, you can do this. Avoid checking personal email and surfing the web during your fast. After Iftar, instead of plopping yourself in front of the screen, go to Tarawih. The same goes for the television. The point is to try to give our full attention to spiritual elevation this month.

Read 5 minutes of Quran a day...just five, not more, not less

Even if you feel you've got absolutely no time, set a timer or the alarm on your cell phone and find a relatively quiet place. You can read the first page of the Quran you open or follow a sequence. The choice is yours. The point is simply to connect with God through His revelation in the month of the Quran.

Forgive everyone who has hurt you

Still got a festering wound from the fight with your friend last year? Still upset about something your spouse said during a heated argument? Or are you still bitter about the way your parents sometimes treated you as a kid? Let go of the anger and pain this Ramadan and forgive those who have hurt you. Forgiving someone is not only good for the body, but it's also great for the soul. And in Ramadan, ten days of which are devoted to Allah's forgiveness, shouldn't we lesser beings forgive too?

If you find it very difficult to forgive everyone, forgive at least three people.

Source: IslamiCity.com

Ramadan Mubarak

2008-08-31T16:49:00.000-07:00

Alhamdulilah the Month of Ramadan is here (actually a couple hours away). I pray that each and everyone of you have a wonderful month full of worship and good deeds. I also pray that each of us have the honor to witness the Night of Power, insha'Allah.

I humbly ask that you remember me and my family in your dua's during this wonderful month and also keep the Muslim Ummah in your duas, including and not limited to our brothers and sisters that are suffering in the war-torn parts of this world.

Ramadan Mubarak!

The predicament of Muslim youth....

2008-08-17T20:12:00.000-07:00

I know I said that I would take a break from blogging thoughts and what not, but I have been holding this under my hat for a quite a while now, and to be honest, I'd love to share. So, today will be my last official personal/my thoughts post until Eid Insha'Allah. Besides, school starts tomorrow, so I'll be rather busy with school and Ramadan. I will continue the "186 Rules for Ramadan" next week perhaps.

My cousins have been in town visiting me from the UK for the past few weeks. Alhamdulilah, despite the miles of ocean between us, we very close to one another so much so that we stay awake all night talking about everything under the sun from school to work, marriage and our personal lives, and the list goes on. With us, nothing is off limits.

When my cousin arrived, her first question to me was "Do you mind if I use your internet?" I jokingly call her a facebook junkie, and she admits it. Anyways, after about a good hour of catching up on photo comments and writing on peoples walls, letting her friends know that she has arrived in the states safely, she proceeds to show me her friends and catch me up on her life. And what I learned was rather horrifying to me, but apparently its no big deal where she comes from.

My cousins grew up in London but when they grew older and were of high school age, their father decided to uproot the family and move to Blackburn. Apparently it has a larger Muslim population - I saw the difference between London and Blackburn on my trip there about 4 years ago.

So, as we sat in our pijamas on my bed she went through her facebook pictures, dscribing to me who everyone in the pictures were and who was married to who, who was engaged to who, who was dating who, etc. (yes, I said who was dating who!). Now, many people maybe thinking whats the big deal, right? You know, its sad for me to even say this, but perhaps I could swallow this pill a little easier if the pictures of who was dating who were Muslim girls and boys who did not look religious, did not wear hijaab, were not Hufadh, not Alimahs, etc. I'm not saying that all of these types of people are saints. For goodness sake, any man can grow a beard and any woman can put on a hijaab. On the flip side, I am absolutely not saying that every non-hijaabi sister or every non-bearded man is involved in fitnah. As a matter of fact, I know a lot of people who don't necessarily fit the physical description of what people might think is "religious" who are very religious and have completely managed to stay away from fitnah all their lives.

I beleive that it is every Muslims duty to act like a good Muslim, whether you are young or old, a hijaabi or non-hijaabi or if you have been Muslim your whole life or only for the last 5 minutes. But for goodness sake, if you are wearing a hijaab, or have a long beard with a kufi, please, please, please ACT MUSLIM!! I am not saying that it is always easy, I have been there, but it has to be done and insha'Allah the reward will be sweeter in the hearafter.

Amid all this, the thing that baffles me more is that these "students of knowlege" are so open about their sin and in doing so, they are giving off the vibe to their "less educated" peers that its all good, when in fact it isn't! When my cousin was like "My friend the Alimah goes out with this guy, he's a hafidh" I had to clarify what she meant by go out, becuase to me the only going out that should be going on between the two of them is chaperoned "dates" with her father, brother, or other mehram. When she explained they were going out in the western sense of the word I gave her this look and she responded with "The way I see it, you can't help who you fall for. When you wanna be with someone, you just wanna be with them." I can't say that I don't agree, but why not "be with" that person the halal way? Why not have your nikkah done and then be with them? She continued to show me pictures of girls and guys hanging out in the same appartment near the University, I didn't see any parents in the picture and people were definitely in eachother's bubbles - I jokingly asked her if the Hafidh remembered any of the Quran that he had memorized (because I heard that you forget Islamic knowledge when you commit sin), but she didn't get the joke - it wasn't really meant to be funny, I was really curious.

My cousin is interested in wearing hijaab but one of her concerns is that people in her community will think that "she's like every other scarfie" and wears hijaab but acts like any other person on the street. She tells me that where she comes from a hijaab and an abaya is nothing and that she was rather suprised that wake up for fajr and refuse to go out to hookah bars and other things that good Muslims don't do. She's shocked at my desire to learn more about Islam and to spend time in the Masjid.

I don't know what is when you go to places like England where there is a high population of Muslims. When I went to England 4 years ago, I fell in love with it, mainly because I met someone who I thought to be religious, but I think it has lost its lustre as far as I am concerned. While I was there, I noticed that the youth had a lot of freedom, perhaps its becuase all the neighbors are Muslim? Parents never asked questions as to where their kids were going and what time they would be home or even who they were going with. Its a shame that parents have forfeited their rights to know what their children are up to.

My father always says "I am so happy that I did not raise you in England!" and I never knew what he meant, until now. Needless to say (but I'll say it anyway) that this is not only a problem in England, we probably have the same problems here in the US, I just don't have an account of it. My concern isn't to back talk the British - I love them - especially their accents, my point is to point out what is going on...I'm sure its in my backyard too. It just makes me sad. I think parents really need to step it up a notch and start asking questions. Just because you kids are with Muslims doesn't mean anything, because Shaytan will work harder to throw a Muslim off his course.

Please keep the Muslim Youth and the entire Muslim Ummah in your duas.

Rulings relating to the month of Ramadan

2008-08-14T23:57:00.000-07:00

Assalamualaikum,

Here are the notes from the first CD in Sh. Waleed Basyouni's lecture series "186 Rules for Ramadan." The Shaykh covered about 27 rules/points and here, I have only listed 20. Somewhere along the line I lost count, my apologies. I am not the best note-taker. That being said, please refere to lecture so that you may get a clearer understanding. I have not listed all of the Hadith and/or proofs that they shaykh gave, if you would like those, please listen to the lecture. Also, if I have made any mistakes or have misquoted anything, please do not hesitate to point it out to me as I am only human. Jazak'Allahu Khairan.

Here are the notes:

"Ramadan"comes from the word Ramada - Strong heat of the sun. The Arabs named the months based on conditions and situations, so when they came to name Ramadan it was at a time when the heat of the sun was strong.

1) The month of Ramadan according to shariah is either 29 days long or 30 days long.

2) The month starts with the sighting of the new moon or with the completion of Shabaan's 30 days.

Ibn Umar (RA) narrated that the Prophet (SAW) said "Fast after you have see the new moon, and end the fast at the end of the month when you see it. If it is hidden from you, then wait until the 30 days of Shaban have passed." Related in Bukhari and Muslim

3) Can a person use binoculars or a telescope to sight the moon?

Shaykh Uthaymeen was asked this and his reply was that it is permissible an that it was common for people to use similar practices in the early days from the minarets of the mosques.

4) The sighting of the moon is only accepted by ONE trustworthy MUSLIM person who knows the moon and its phases (majority opinion).

Imam Malik: It has to be sighted by two Men
Imam Abu Haneefa: There has to be two male witnesses if it is cloudy or if there is a doubt about the person who sighted the moon (a total of 3 people).

5) The end of the month of Ramadan and the beginning of Eid-ul-fitr is determined by the sighting of the moon of Shawal or the completion of 30 days of Ramadan.

The witness of sighting has to be two trustworthy Muslim men (majority opinion of the scholars of fiqh).
Few scholars such as Mohammed Ash-Shawkani had a different opinion in that he believed that the sighting of the moon by one trustworthy Muslim man was sufficient and that there was no difference between the sighting of the moon in the beginning of the month of Ramadan and the beginning of the month of Shawal.

6) It is not permissible to determine the month of Ramadan by using astronomical calculations.

The Prophet (SAW) said "We are an illiterate Ummah, we don't write or calculate, so fast after you have seen the new moon. And end the fast at the end of the month, when you see it." Related in Bukhari and Muslim
The use of calculation in regards to prayer times is different as the above hadith clearly states that the start of the month of Ramadan is to be determined by the sighting of the moon.
Shaykhul Islam Ibn Taymiyah said "Depending on calculations in sighting the moon, as it is a deviance and innovation in religion. And it is also considered wrong by logic."
Imam Shaafi mentioned in Ahkam al Quran: "The starting of the month is determined by the moon and not by calculation. Calculation is wrong, for it is the way of the Persians and the Romans."

7) Is the sighting of the moon in one country sufficient enough for all other countries in the world? In other words if one country sights the moon does that mean the entire world can start fasting?

There is a difference in opinion (listen to the lecture for details as I do not want to mis-quote) some say a single sighting in any country is good enough, some say each country has their own sighting and others say that close countries can go by a single sighting.
According to the Hanafi Madhab, for each country is their own sighting.

8) If you do not live in a city where there is an Islamic Center, you try and sight the moon on your own, and if you feel that you cannot then follow the closest Islamic Center.

9) It is not permissible to fast on the Day of Doubt which is the last day of Shaban.

The prophet Muhammed (SAW) said: "Do not precede Ramadan by fasting a day or two before it unless it is a day on which the person usually fasts." Related by Muslim

10) If a person had some days to make up and he fasts on the Day of Doubt, there is no sin on him.

11) If a person starts Ramadan in one country and then travels to another country, he has to celebrate Eid with the country that he is currently in.

12) If in the above mentioned situation the total number of fasts add up to only 28, the person still celebrates Eid with the country he is currently in and then makes up the additional fast later on.

13) What if the country that the above mentioned person is in started fasting a day before the previous country, does he still fast with the country he is currently in? In other words instead of fasting 30 days with the previous country would he have to fast 31?

In this situation, this person must break his fast thus fasting only 30 days.

In this situation the person secretly does not fast the 31st day and then celebrates Eid the following day with the country that he is in.

14) For those individuals who have an excuse to not fast during the month of Ramadan (a woman who is menstruating, breast feeding, pregnant, or someone in the situation mentioned above) they should be sure to eat and drink privately out of respect for the month of Ramadan as it is known as the month of fasting.

15) The Night of Power (Laylatul Qadr) is equal to a thousand months. Any act of worship done in that night, it is as if the worshiper did this act for a thousand months.

16) What night in Ramadan is Laylatul Qadr? There is a difference in opinion among the scholars:

Some say it is one of the nights of Ramadan
Some say it is the 27th night of Ramadan
Ibn Umar (RA) narrated that the prophet (SAW) said: "He who would like to seek the night of Laylatul Qadr should do so on the 27th." Hadith related by Ahmed and Muslim.
Some opinions say it is on the 23rd, 25th, 28th all these opinions are adopted by the companions of the prophet (SAW).
The difference in opinion can be understood in that Laylatul Qadr varies from year to year according to a majority of scholars.
In a report by Bukhari, the prophet (SAW) said: "Seek the night of Al-Qadr in the last 10 nights.'

17) The wisdom behind hiding when the Night of Power is is in order to keep Muslims from neglecting the rest of the month of Ramadan as we see them doing today.

Now a days we see that Muslims around the world take the for granted that the Night of Power is on the 27th night of Ramadan and this is the night that they insist on staying up all night making zhikr.

18) Are there any signs of the Night of Power?

It has been related by Muslim that the sign of the night of power is that in the morning the sunrise is white without any rays.
It is said to be a clear and calm night that will be followed by a shower at fajr time.

19) Is it Mustahab (recommended) to do a certain thing on that night?

It has been related in Bukhari and Muslim that the prophet (SAW) said: "Whoever prays during the night of al-Qadr with faith and hoping for its reward will have all of his previous sins forgiven."
It was also related that Aishah (RA) said: "I asked the Prophet (SAW): 'Oh, Messenger of Allah if I know what night the night of Qadr is, what should I say during it?' He said: 'Say, Allahuma inaka afu' tuhibul afwa fa'fuanni"
Translation: Oh, Allah you are forgiving and you love to forgive, so forgive me.
It is also recommended to do I'tikaaf and do more worship, give more charity and engage in more supplications during this time.

20) Ramadan has many virtues and blessings among them are

The Quran was revealed to the prophet (SAW) in this month
The Prophet (SAW) was sent to mankind and jinn to spread the teachings of Islam in this month.
Laylatul Qadr is in the month of Ramadan
Our rewards are multiplied in Ramadan
In every night of Ramadan Allah (SWT) saves a number of people from the hell fire

In the spirit of Ramadan

2008-08-13T21:38:00.000-07:00

Assalaam Alaikum!

I've decided to do something a little different from what I have been doing with this blog lately. As you all know, Ramadan is approaching us, I pray to Allah (SWT) that He let each and every one of us witness this beautiful month and that we all benefit from its virtues and that we are blessed with the ability to witness Laylatul Qadr (Ameen).

So, in an attempt to prepare myself for this auspicious month, I am listening to Shaykh Waleed Basyouni's lecture titled "186 rules for Ramadan" Insha'Allah I will attempt to take notes as I listen and I will post what I learned here. You can also listen along for free here.

Also, I am going to be taking a break from blogging my thoughts and daily happenings as school is starting soon and I would like to put all my extra energy into my studies and Ramadan happenings.

I pray you all get the best spiritual experience this Ramadan.

Please remember to keep me, my family and the entire Muslim Ummah in your duas.

Ma'asalama

Its because you're a girl!

2008-08-08T13:53:00.000-07:00

Last night, I went to sleep in a fairly bad mood. I had what could have turned into a massive argument with my father, only I wasn't really in the mood to fight, so instead I kept my mouth shut. Keeping my mouth shut is generally out of character for me, but I just kept thinking "two more weeks for school to start, and then you'll be on your own." So what was the argument about? Well lets just say that it all started with "Its because you're a girl!" I don't know if I have mentioned this in the past, but that is by far the worst statement that any man (or woman) can ever make.

I won't get into what triggered such an answer as I don't want to backbite my father in anyway (even though no one here really knows who I am), as Allah (SWT) is watching. I have these dreams and aspirations about what I want to do in life such as providing health care in underprivileged parts of the world, living in an Arab country to learn Arabic, learn Islam under prominent shuyukh, all of which, unless I am married would warrant me to travel away from home on my own. I find that I find certain things to be much more important than my parents do. A relaxing day for me is spending hours at the masjid, eve if I am the only person there. Unfortunately, my parents' backwards and back-home mentality does not allow me to escape this world of fitnah without having to sneak around doing so....hence my excitement about school starting. Its not school I look forward to as much as I look forward to the freedom that comes with it.

My father's side of the family is very much ingrained in culture and does thing where they somehow manage to wrongfully blend together culture with religion. What I mean by this is, ever since we were young they managed to make us believe that certain cultural things were apart of religion (I'm not sure if it really makes sense) I think they have done it rather unconsciously, but still.

I find it rather interesting and at the same time rather insulting how parents can allow their sons to leave the house almost without so much as asking them where they are going and when they will be home whereas if their daughter wants to go out, she has to ask permission a week, if not more, in advance. In a way, I think this contributes to the problem of their being a shortage of suitable Muslim boys for marriage...I'll explain a little later. I hate how my brother is allowed to spend the weekend with his friends, but I am not. I would totally understand if the issue was a matter of safety, but I think I am smart enough to realize that it isn't. I am not sure if people truly believe that women are supposed to stay at home under the roof of their fathers until they are ready to move under their husbands' roof only to listen to him tell her what she can and can't do or if this is a way for a man to be an egotistical maniac and have control over someone..I don't get it. I remember once, in the heat of an argument, telling my father "if there is one reason that I don't get married, its because I don't want to go from living with one controlling man to the other, and if there is a reason I want to get married, its to get away from having to give an answer every time I do something." Of course I felt sorry afterward, but I still feel the same way.

Now on to my theory on why I think this "freedom" boys get is what has caused there to be so few eligible bachelors in our communities.

Parents often let their sons go out at night without even so much as questioning them where they are going, who they are going with and when they will be coming home. This allows brothers to basically do whatever it is that they want to do without the remotest fear of having a parent waiting up late for them to ask them what they did when they arrive home. If you would like to know...I think it is a travesty. I understand that there is a safety factor when your daughter goes out late at night, but on that same note, who is to say that your son cannot possibly get shot on the highway on his way home? or that note he couldn't possibly get into a car accident on his way to or from his destination?

I think the lack of strictness on the part of parents towards sons has enabled brothers to do what they please (attend frat parties, hang out at hookah lounges, go clubbing, etc.). Of course, I know not all brothers with lenient parents do such things, but there is a high percentage that does.

What I am trying to say is that brothers can get into just as much trouble as sisters can simply because they are boys.

Torn...

2008-08-07T19:39:00.000-07:00

I am torn...its been a few days since I spoke to Mr. Possibility and still I cannot get our conversation out of my head. I see him sign in and sign out, the whole while he is online playing the "message him, don't message him" game. Before you snicker and laugh at how teenie-bopperish this sounds, I am not a love-struck teenager, as a matter of fact I am in my mid-20s. I want so badly to talk to him and square away whatever confusion the both of us have, but at the same time, although I told him that night that I forgave him for everything that he did back in the day, I still have this huge question mark at the back of my mind. I am not sure if I can trust him anymore.

I know brother Salaam suggests that I speak to Mr. Possibility, but my friends think that I should just wait and see what happens and that if he truly cares to make things right, eventually he will contact me again. I would have to admit that since things have gone sour between the two of us over the years, he has been the one to contact me, so I almost feel as if I owe it to him for taking such a huge step. As you can see, I am confused! I am not necessarily sure if I want things between us to work out, but if they did it would be a good thing - provided we are compatible - as he was my friend, my support and the one that I would talk to when I was in need of a pair of ears to listen.

My best friend is on her honeymoon..I could sure use her advice at a time like this.

Anyways...I came across this link...check it out: The Marriage Revolution

Confused...

2008-08-04T18:38:00.000-07:00

There he stood: tall and handsome just like he always was, stealing glances just like he always did. He was there, so close yet so far. And to think there were days where we would spend hours engaging in intellectual conversations discussing religion or politics or religion and politics. Its an awkward feeling when you see an old Future Mr. Possibility. You know, the brother that was so in love with you or in love with the idea of being with you, the one who claimed he wanted to be your husband and then when everything actually started to happen, he decided to bail out on you. I should be furious with him, I should really dislike him, but I don't. I feel sorry for him and us but I am also grateful we "happened." It made me smarter (or so I think).

So what do I do when he sends me a message asking for a second chance, another opportunity to make things work because now he is for certain I am the one and he is ready to take the leap of commitment? The smart answer would be "speak to my father and see what he has to say." Instead I told him I didn't think a second chance was necessary. Now, I feel like getting in touch with him and telling him to talk to my parents, but I don't want to seem too eager. At the same time, I want to test him, to see if he was really serious or if he is playing mind games. I'm curious, confused and every other word that describes the way I feel right now.

Needless to say, amid all of this feeling of confusion and curiosity, I feel good! He is asking for a second chance, it must mean something. Okay, Okay, I know, I'm getting a little ahead of myself here. I'm just being honest as to how I feel.

I really just don't know anymore.

Saying goodbye....

2008-07-31T00:59:00.000-07:00

Its all apart of the growing up process, but lately I've been thinking, the past couple of years of my life have been nothing but saying goodbye.

First off, someone who I consider to be a good friend and role model left school in pursuit of a long held dream and while I was completely happy for them, life was rather empty when they were no longer a part of its daily happenings.

Soon after, a childhood friend moved away to the UK after marrying this wonderful man. I remember this night like it was just yesterday, because when I think about it, even today, my eyes start to tear up. Its funny how it works. When a friend is getting married you often know months, if not a year in advance and its almost like this mental preparation that goes on where you are busy telling yourself that all good things come to an end and Insha'Allah the two of you remain in touch despite the perils of such great distances. Alhamdulilah with this friend, I have.

After this childhood friend moved away, my favorite cousin moved away. This cousin of mine was more like a sister to me, the one that I went to with my problems, questions, etc. She was the one who's company I was just happy to be with even if neither of us said a word. She was my heart and my soul, my everything, my sister. And her children were my pride and joy - I saw them as I believe I would my own children. Oh, what I would give to hold these little munchkins in my arms one more time.

Between then and now I have lost a number of friends. Well, not really lost, because I would like to think that they are still my friends despite the distance, but just been distanced from.

Finally....I hope finally, although this is a loss that I am dreading very much to suffer. One of my best friends is moving to some remote country in the middle of World (I know where, but we'll try and keep some anonymity) after she marries her high school sweetheart this weekend...well, they weren't dating nor did they go to high school together but since high school the thought of marriage to each other has been on their minds. This friend of mine is the holder of my secrets, while I could talk to my cousin (the one who is like my sister) there are certain things you keep for your best friend, there are certain memories that you share with this friend of yours, jokes, laughs, stories from when we were dorks in high school, the dumb things we used to do, the ways in which we twisted the truth to make our parents think that we were being good girls (and while its not something to joke about, we do and it makes us happy). I wonder how I am going to survive this separation. How is my life going to be when my best friend of forever leaves? Who's house will I run to early in the morning, before breakfast, when my heart is broken, who's shoulder will I cry on? Who is going to tell me everything will be okay, even though its not okay? While I am certain that we will keep in touch through emails, phone calls, snail mail, etc. its not the same...because sometimes I need her tight bear hugs, the kind that make me feel like I can't breath, but in a good way. Sometimes I need her to try funky facial masks that she concocted in her head (even though they don't work) on me. Sometimes all I need is for her to make fun of me when I am being my regular goofy self. Sometimes I need to see her do a wacky dance like she does when she's cooking in the kitchen. The bottom line is, I need her. And it is true, you never know what you have until you have to give it up.

If saying goodbye is part of growing up, then growing up STINKS!

I had a conversation with a friend of mine who told me about a brother she had in mind for me, after agreeing with the idea of marriage in the near future her next question was "do mind if you would have relocate?" My answer was "no", although I have never lived in another country or state for that matter. I have never been away from my parents for more than two months and although there are times that I wish I could trade my family in, for the most part they are tolerable. Of course, I have no intention of geographically restricting myself as I have said that finding a good spouse is quite the challenge these days. I just can't help but think how difficult it is to pack up your life for someone that you know for about a couple of months to live with this person and leave behind your love ones. Alhamdulilah, these days the task is not as hard as it has been in the past as we have wonderful modes of technology (I mean, planes can take you anywhere in the world in a matter of one to two days). And then I think about my grandmother and how she married a stranger and moved to another country for him and how she left behind her family in the days when the means of traveling cross country was by ship and when making an international phone call was very expensive. I think we are still spoiled.

I find that since we are young (especially sisters) we are trained to think as if one day we will find our prince charming and that we will marry him and no longer live in our mother's home. I suppose that's life, but I cannot imagine not seeing my mother for 20 years on end. I cannot imagine what life would be like if I couldn't just pop into my parent's room on a weekend to laugh, talk and have tickle fights (my parents are 50 year old teenagers). I just can't picture what life would be like in such a situation, I guess we will just have to wait and see.

As for now, I am kind of like an empty nester. I used to be a social butterfly who had plans every weekend, who was out late at night having a laugh with her friends and now my calendars are empty and I am left to myself. I imagine my day to finally be the one being told goodbye is somewhere in the near future, until then I'll be here, in my empty nest with my empty calendar

Why are so many young Muslims leaving Islam?

2008-07-27T01:41:00.000-07:00

Alhamdulilah my group of friends are pretty Muslim (whatever that means)and over the past year a few of my non-Muslim friends have become Muslim also. For the most part, I am among people who appreciate the beauty of Islam and immerse themselves in it. However, for every up there is a down and while I am among very dedicated Muslim youth, I am also among troubled youth that ultimately leave Islam. I suppose as someone who believes so strongly in Islam, I find it impossible to come up with a reason as to why anyone would ever want to leave such a perfect religion. Nonetheless I'd like to discuss it and perhaps someone could help shine light on the topic as well.

Last year I was sad to hear that someone very dear to my family left Islam. It was rather hard to believe as she came from a very religious family and was a good Muslim as well. Apparently, she was studying philosophy at University and soon started to question Islam. I for one have witnessed the dangers of Philosophy while I was studying for my undergrad as it was one of the classes offered in order to fulfill the general education requirement. I only took one class in this subject and began thinking slightly differently (Shukr Allah that I had made the Masjid my sanctuary and the Quran my guidance or I don't know where I would be today). This girl went so far as to study Philosophy as her major. I happen to think of all the subjects, Philosophy is the most detrimental to its learner's faith in that it poses questions that the Human mind doesn't naturally think. This particular person (we'll call her Alice) looks at things from an existential point of view. While I cannot remember much about existentialism besides what I have learned in my 12th grade English class, I know that it can lead to atheism. It prompts people to ask questions such as "How do I know God exists if I cannot see him?" In order for something to exist it must be tangible, for example "If a tree 'fell' in the forest 10 miles from my house, how do I know that the tree really existed if I did not hear it fall?" Naturally the human mind does not think this way. Philosophy poses such questions and Shaytan runs with them making people doubt their faith. If your are reading this and were considering studying Philosophy, please do so under a Muslim scholar and please study Islamic Philosophy - its safer.

Alice's sister is also no longer Muslim, possibly through the influence she gets from her elder sister. Alice's mother refuses to talk to her because when she does so shaytan starts whispering in her ears. Alice often asks questions like "How do I know there is a life after death?" I have pondered that question a few times in an attempt to explain it to her, but I haven't come up with an answer that pleases her, because to me it is just part of my faith and the belief in life after death makes me Muslim.

Someone else I know is no longer Muslim because her boyfriend is not Muslim and she knows that she cannot be with him if she is Muslim and he is not. May Allah (SWT) protect us, our families, and the entire Muslim Ummah (ameen).

My mind cannot fathom how anyone could believe in Allah one day and then the next denounce His existence all together. My studies have revolved around science and everything that I have ever learned in my years as a student has confirmed the existence of a higher being from chemistry and the binding of atoms to Human Anatomy and Physiology. Subhan'Allah the human body is so intricate and its function is so amazing almost machine-like that there is no way that any of this was an accident. Salt water and fresh water didn't just randomly decide not to mix. Its not mere coincidence that when a person goes for abdominal surgery and their intestines are moved out of the abdominal cavity and then place back again in a bunch after surgery that they automatically move back into the correct position. Or how about your eyes start to secrete tears in order to wash our a foreign object that has entered it? I could go into the secretion of hormones in response to different signals of the body, but it will take a while. My point is, it absolutely cannot be a fluke or a mistake, someone is behind it all, and that someone is Allah (SWT).

Although my family is not very religious (my immediate family) there are certain things that they have been rather strict about. My parents have done a good job of implementing the idea of what is acceptable and what is not acceptable to wear in public, even when I wasn't a hijaabi, they would be strict about tight clothing and enforced that I wore pants or long skirts (mind you my mom is not even a hijaabi), we only ate zabiha, we never touched alcohol, we fasted in Ramadan, we wore "proper hijaab" to the masjid and boys were never allowed at home and they also were not allowed to call home. I guess the reason I am saying this is that with all this conditioning throughout life (an I am using conditioning in a positive tone)I couldn't understand being anything but Muslim. While my parents were strict, they never were extremely tough. I know that the parents of some rebellious youth are extremely tough on their kids.

I feel that there needs to be a degree of being strict, however I find that extreme strict behavior is a mistaken on the parents' part in that it often is the extra nudge in pushing a child away. Adolescents are like children, if you tell them not to something they want to do it even more. I am not advocating not telling your children to stay away from certain things (as a matter of fact I encourage it) rather I am saying don't be too harsh. If you keep your child as a prisoner and yell at them at the drop of the hat you are building a ticking time bomb.

I am not a mother, however my belief is that there needs to be a degree of exposure to the outside world in order to balance everything out. Of course you wouldn't want your teenage child out late at night without your presence, but don't completely band him/her from going out, instead let them go out with friends you approve of and pick them up at a time you feel is decent. Be your child's friend. be the person your child wants to talk to, the one he/she asks questions when confused. I find that in our societies especially among parents who come from non-western countries we find that parents desire to build up this wall to distinguish the Parent-child relationship but the reality of the matter is we no longer live back home. Here, there are bigger fitnas to deal with. So what if your daughter dropped a glass of milk - calm down - just ask her to pick it up, there is no need to yell and call names. This is just one example.

I have seen over the top strict parents, but I have also seen the "who cares" parent. These parents don't ask questions, they don't place curfews, they just don't care. They are under the impression that just because their kid is hanging around Muslims everything is good. The truth is: It's not! I have family in England where the population of Muslims is large and parents have the "who cares" mentality.My last visit to England was in my late teen years and I was shocked to see what was happening (drinking, smoking, dating), of course this doesn't only happen in England it happens everywhere...this is just where I saw it. Teens are like babies, they are curious, they want to try different things even if they know it is bad for them, they want to try it anyway: Alcohol, drugs, sex and before they know it they are in way too deep.

I have also found that while we are all trying to live the American dream, family life has jumped out the window and committed suicide. There is no quality family time, technology doesn't help either. I mean in the living room we see everyone's eyes glued to the TV (in my case my ears are plugged to some lecture as my laptop sits on my lap), on road trips everyone has their ears busy with their ipods, there is no longer any discussion. Seriously, be your child's friend.

I have heard that women have no rights from ex-Muslim sisters. What kind of example are we putting forth in our dealings with our daughters and sisters? How are we treating them that it makes them believe that Islam has made them second class citizens? The answer "Its because you're a girl" to the question "Why not?" is ridiculous and it is an injustice to that person and the religion of Islam. When you answer a question in that manner you are saying "Because you are a woman I can treat you differently." Frankly, I think that's unjust. Don't get me wrong, there are certain roles in society a woman is meant to play and certain rules a man is meant to play, what I fail to understand is why do people make performing these roles and other roles so complicated? Why can't your daughter go out with a group of sisters? Why can't you daughter travel abroad as your son did?

I can go on and on, but its late and I'm tired.

Would anyone like to shine light on this?

They make me happy

2008-07-27T00:52:00.000-07:00

I could not resist posting this...its amazing.

I'll be back shortly with more.

I'm rather confused....

2008-07-23T19:52:00.000-07:00

I'm supposed to be attending a wedding somewhere in the really near future of a friend who may as well be family. The wedding is what my close friends and some family have given the coined name "mixed gathering" meaning men and women, including the bride and the groom, will be celebrating the wedding festivities together in the same ballroom. Seems fair enough to me, but there are people that I know that are planning on boycotting the festivities because in their minds eye being in the same vicinity of a man (regardless of whether you're covered or not or with your husband or other mehram family member) is just much too haraam. I suppose each individual is entitled to their own opinion. But my question is what is the true ruling regarding this matter? Brother Quest asked a similar question early this week, so seriously, what's the answer?

I mean, I have attended some masajid where men and women pray in the same prayer hall (unless there is no room in which case the women pray in a hall which is usually located upstairs). I have also attended Islamic functions, fundraisers, lectures, etc. where men and women are in the same area perhaps sitting at different tables, standing in different buffet lines, entering from different entrances, women in the back and men in the front, but nonetheless in the same area. On the flip side, I have attended gatherings where the "fitnah police's" security is at the red level and if you're a sister there won't be a brother in sight and the opposite goes for the brothers. As you can see, I am a bit confused.

I must admit, there are times where I actually want strict security. For example when certain masajid hold late night qiyaams and the majority of attendees are youngsters who are at the masjid for the purpose of scoping out other youngsters of the opposite gender (where is the fitnah police then?). So I agree that there are times that the partitions should be drawn and times when there should never be a member of the opposite gender in sight, but most of the time I don't get it. It doesn't logically make sense (ok, it does in a way, but in other ways I don't understand). I'll explain...

A attend a public university, I have boys in my classes and my professors are males, I cannot build a partition around me every time I attend a class where there's a male in the room (every class). And what am I to do if that non-Muslim boy decides to sit next to me because the chair next to me is the only chair available? What about the cashier at the super market? I could go on, but I'm sure the reader gets what I am saying. Despite the impossibility of not being in the presence on a non-mehram man, its lacks logic. How is one to find someone to marry?

Ok, I know people do find spouses even though they are the no "mixed gathering" type of people. But in all honesty, I know a lot of young people who complain "How am I supposed to find a wife if every even I go to people are hiding the sisters?" I can't say that I don't agree. My father and brother are Jummuah only masjid attendees, my brother is not into the "Muslim scene" (MSA) as he calls it and the only males of marriagable age that my father knows are my cousins, who might I add, are not husband material as far as I am concerned. So what is a girl like me to do? My only options are word of mouth, being active in the Masjid/MSA, or randomly being seen by an interested brother at one of these Muslim events. Of course there is always the arranged marriage route that I am not too fond of as my mother would likely hook me up with some kind of Bollywood movie star who is also a Jummuah only masjid attendee. Do I sound stupid?

Let me clarify, my views do not only relate to marriage issues, it relates to them all...student organizations also. In the past I have played a major role in my MSA and have even carried a leadership role, only to be ridiculed by certain "draw a curtain in front of the sister so we can't see her" brothers who are okay with a woman holding a leadership position in order to have her do all the work and planning, but God forbid she decides to open her mouth and speak her mind! This sister must be a loose sister, surely shes got her morals are all mixed up after all her voice is her awrah. I can accept that my voice is my awrah, but I have news for you brother...I'M NOT SINGING! and I am dressed conservatively, I'm not wearing make-up and since when did and abaya become provocative clothing. And I'm no sheikah, I am far from it (see the previous post) but if my memory and education serves me correctly the physical curtain to be drawn between a woman and the man she is speaking to rule applies only to the Ummahaat ul Mumineen (correct me if I am wrong).

I am of the belief that there should be no "free mixing" as we see in western societies and some more "chill" masajid, I am completely against it. Nonetheless, I feel like in order to have a healthy society there should be SOME mixing. Of course I am totally against a brother and a sister sitting in chairs that are right next to each other or even at the same table, but why can't men and women be at the same wedding in the same ballroom? Surely families can sit at the same table or if you want to make it a little stricter why can't one side of the room be reserved for the male guests and the other side for female guests?

What if at this wedding people start dancing? I'll tell you, I'd be the first person to leave the ballroom at that point! But if I can sit in a restaurant with my family and eat dinner or sit in a lecture hall where I am absolutely okay with the non-Muslim boy sitting right next to me or almost accidentally touching the cashiers hand at the super market as he hands me my change, then surely having a nice dinner with my family and other families at my friends wedding should not be a problem as long as I have done everything necessary to protect myself from committing sin.

If you think I am completely wrong, by all means feel free to correct me and it would be great if you could do so with examples from the Quran and Sunnah.

Jazak'Allah khair.

What do you look for in a husband?

2008-07-22T22:57:00.001-07:00

It seems like my posts are more love and marriage related than I would have liked, but khair, it is what it is. I'm at that age and well the blog title is "A glimpse into my mind" and this is what's on my mind.

A friend of mine asked me today "What are you looking for in a husband?" after mentioning that she might have someone in mind for me. My fear is that I gave her this generic answer, an answer that any Muslim girl would give. My other fear is that what I want is so far out of my reach as I do not have some Egyptian Islamic education and my knowledge of Islam today is what I have learned from the few Al-Maghrib classes that I have attended, the many lectures that I have listened to and the numerous books that I have glanced through. So do I really deserve the brother that I truly want to be with? I guess that is for Allah (SWT) to decide...

Here is my attempt to answer that question so that next time it is asked I can answer it properly. Its not that I don't know what I want, because I do, I've gone over this numerous times in my mind, I even made a long list and emailed it to a brother friend who offered to be a nice brother and find me a man, its just that I think I should refresh my thoughts. So here goes....criticism is welcome :) .

He must be a practicing Muslim - by practicing I do not mean just the 5-pillar practicing Muslim, I mean a brother who makes Islam his life. Someone who spends as much free time as possible at the masjid engaging in resourceful dialogue with shuyookh, someone who instead of partying on Friday night is at the masjid in a halaqa. (you get the gist)
He must eat Zabiha only - I know that there are many opinions on the issue, but Allah (SWT) says in the Quran (6:118-119) "Then eat of that on which the name of Allah has been pronounced, if you believe in His signs. And what happened to you that you should not eat out of that on which the name of Allah has been pronounced. He has explained to you in detail what is forbidden to you, but when you be compelled to it? And undoubtedly, many mislead by their own desires without knowing. Undoubtedly, your Lord knows well the transgressors."And I feel that if there is Zabiha meat, then why not. Is it so hard to give up that burger at In-N-Out? Make one at home, its not that hard.
He must be family oriented - I find that now a days a lot of young practicing Muslim brothers abandon their families in a way. While its great that you're spending all of your time at the masjid with the brothers in this amazing halaqa, have some consideration for you mother who is at home. Come home at a decent hour, spend some time with her, ask her if she needs any help. Afterall, heaven does lie beneath her feet. If you're out enriching yourself with knowlege of the deen and your family is at home watching TV and what not, where is the benefit in that?
He has to absolutely love children - I am in love with children and the thought of insha'Allah having my own one day. My future Mister must share this same passion. I see having children as an opportunity to do things for the Ummah that my parents were not able to do through me for whatever reason. Afterall children are the future of this Ummah and the most precious gift of this dunya.
He has to be "with it" - That is, he has to be cool, to me. Underneath that abaya and hijaab is a girl straight from the hood - a girl who until she discovered hayah used to ball it up on the court with the guys. I love sports...soccer, basketball, pool (even though I don't know the rules), football -if its a sport and it's competative, I like it, that being said he's going to have to be willing to play with me. My dream is to play a game of basketball with my husband..one on one.
While I want a strict man, he also has to be chill. My family dynamic doesn't really settle well with the big sheikh mentality. And while I would appreciate the lowering of gazes when he is around women he is not related to (including my cousins as many of them are very good looking) I would also appreciate it if he would become a PART of my family. He would have to be okay to converse with my entire family, joke around with them etc, within limits of course and with me present of course.
He has to be flexible and open-minded. A closed mind will not work in my family. My family is not very religious, many of them are practicing and some try but are completely and utterly confused (of no fault of their own). My family is also very religiously diverse hense the need for open-mindedness. I see it as a dawah opportunity...win over the guys in my family and insha'Allah we got ourselves a revolution.
No music, No TV. As I said earlier, I am against TV and Music and while from time to time I glance over at the TV I would love to not expose my children to such fitnah. I enjoy watching sports and perhaps that is all I would use a TV for if I ever had one in my house, but that too causes and issue with cheerleaders and fitnah in every commercial...so we'll see. I might just do what my cousin does with her children - that is not allow them to watch commercials. And of coures, there will be absolutley no music.
He can't be all wrapped up in culture. Don't get me wrong, I love culture, as long as it doesn't interfere with religion. I have found that my family has these weird views on religion and weird ways of doing things. Alhamdulilah I am working slowly and surely to eliminate these practices, but it would be nice to have a little support.
He must be okay with my line of work. I am a nurse, so my job requires me to work closely with men, even touch them if necessary (but they are my patients). I chose this line because to me it is the most self-less job I could think of. It also leaves the door of opportunity for me to fulfill my dream of providing medical help to those in less fortunate parts of the world (Africa, India, Pakistan, War-torn parts of the Middle East).
He has to be willing to at least consider the option of studying Islam abroad and perhaps even Arabic. These are things that I have wanted to do for the longest but my parents would never allow me.
It would be wonderful if he loved cats or at least tolerated them. I actually have a cat now that I would have a hard time parting with, we have three in my house (one that my parents are too attached too, one that I think is really retarded and then the one I want to take with me - my love).
I want him to be my best friend - my go-to guy. I want him to be someone that I am comfortable talking to and just bumming around with. And if he's romantic that would be amazing!
Anger management - I have had issues with this in the past...I have anger management and stress management issues. There are times that I do and/or say things that I do not mean to do or say out of anger or stress. Alhamdulilah, I have done a good job trying to ween myself off of this destructive kind of behavior, but in order for my self-rehab to work, I need a man who is calm. A man that knows how to walk away from an argument, a man who stays silent when he's angry. Basically, I need him to be calm so that I too can be calm.

I think this is all I can think of as of now. Lemme know what you think.

"Children these days have no patience!"

2008-07-21T23:15:00.000-07:00

Its a comment that I have heard all too often by the elders in my community when it comes to discussions about the young people of the community getting divorced as early as one month into the marriage. I can't say that I don't agree, because I do - people my age have no patience when it comes to preserving a relationship. I think the problem is multifaceted, there isn't just one answer.

Muslim youth now a days are getting married (performing their nikkah) younger and younger in an effort to protect themselves from committing sin, while I couldn't think of a better possible answer to such a problem, I feel that the immaturity of many youth contributes to the rising percentage of divorce within the Muslim community. Its common practice for a young couple to perform their nikkah and live with their respective parents until they finish school as neither of them have enough money to pay rent and provide for a household. This is all well and good until this couple decides to treat this union as either a "halal" boyfriend-girlfriend relationship or as just an engagement. I think what young people fail to realize is that once a nikkah is done, no matter how simple and how small it is, it is still a wedding! He is your husband and she is your wife. Sure, Islam makes divorce very easy, but it is out of the mercy of Allah (SWT) and should not be abused.

I often find situations in which there is a total lack of patience along with a total lack of respect for the other person in cases of divorce. I am single and have never been married, some may argue that my situation puts me in position to make such observations, but I think I have seen enough in my years to draw conclusions as to what I think is going wrong.

There is a total lack of patience! I know that I have said that I would never run my household in the manner in which my parents have. To that comment, I would also like to add that I don't want to have a marriage like my parents either, but if there is one thing from my parents relationship that I would like to incorporate in my marriage when the time comes is the patience that both my parents exhibit in their dealings with one another. Masha'Allah, my parents have been married for 25 years, my father's brother and his wife have been married 30 years, my grandparents were married for 55 years (they took the 'till death do we part' literally, Alhamdulilah). Needless to say none of these marriages were the cookie-cutter, always on your honeymoon kind of marriages. Of course there are ups and downs, there are misunderstandings, arguments, fights even, but subhan'Allah they pulled through. So, I find it amazing how the youth of today can end a marriage in just months-its obvious that no effort was put into making those marriages work.

Another classic argument made is the "we're not compatible" argument. A friend of mine was telling me about her friend - a good Muslim girl- that simply packed her bags and left her husband a month after the wedding because she thought she had nothing in common with him. Where is the logic in that? Whatever happened to trying to make it work, getting to know your husband better so that you can develop common interests? While I may be no expert on making a marriage work, I know a little about friendships in that I know it doesn't always click in the first month of friendship and often times you have to put in an effort to make a friendship work but in the end its worth it. Whatever happened to compromise?

One of the things that pains me the most about the rising numbers of divorce in our communities is that it breaks up the family structure and tears down bonds within the community. I feel that many of the Muslim youth are failing to see the importance of marriage in our society and in our deen. A husband and wife are to be garments for one another so that we may find tranquility in their presence, yet we see the opposite happening in today's society.

I pray that Allah (SWT) place immense amounts of love and mercy between the hearts of married couples all over the world and that He blesses them with long happy lives together (ameen).

I am Furious

2008-07-21T20:42:00.000-07:00

I cannot stop staring at the IM box blinking orange with a list of new instant messages from my cousin (you know the one in love with my best friend's sister?). I wasn't at my computer as these messages came through so, he continued to send them until I finally responded. It was something to the effect of 'You are no longer my cousin, I cannot believe you would continue to tell her sister about me, etc etc.' Clearly he is upset because he believes that I have told my best friend a list of things about him and her sister. The funny thing is neither is this is true. You see, this isn't the first argument about her that I have had to endure, it used to be something that my other cousin used to have to go through and now that shes married and gone, I go through it for her. But after the first couple arguments I vowed to drop the subject and never bring it up ever again (I am a woman of my word). I don't deny telling my best friend certain things (I'm talking years ago) about my cousin and her sister but that was out of desire to look after her, after all she is like a sister to me, and if a sister of mine was up to something like she is, I would want my best friend to tell me no matter the repercussions.

I don't understand what to do anymore. I know for a fact that talking to either of them is out of the question because if you talk to one the other will find out and it will be as if you are scheming. Speaking to both at the same time is something I am not willing to attempt. I pray that Allah (SWT) keep me away from this drama.

I have tried to speak to my cousin about the issue in a logical, understanding manner but instead of looking at me now, he goes on to bring up the mistakes that I have made in the past. He never fails to bring up the brothers that I have spoken to in the past, the lies that I have told and the list continues. No one is perfect ESPECIALLY myself. I have more skeletons in my closet than I know what to with, but Alhamdulilah Allah (SWT) has given me a second chance to turn my life around. I have up until now done a wonderful job hiding my skeletons and keeping them in my closet and those brothers have also changed for the better and have also kept the skeletons in the closet. I sometimes feel, however, that I made a big mistake in trusting my cousin with these secrets. He was like a brother to me and so I went to him in search of advice only now, I feel as if he wants to use that information as blackmail.

Subhan'Allah, you think you know a person, and then they change.

Alhamdulilah for being homophobic!

2008-07-19T01:14:00.000-07:00

Now, don't go grimacing at your screen and cursing me out in a million different languages. We all have our right to our own beliefs. To me it seems unnatural for people of the same gender to have romantic relations with one another and my belief is that it is a sickness and a sin (there, I said it!). I look at today's society full of sin: sex, music, drugs, killing, homosexuality, lies, deceit, and the list goes on and I can't help but think how close the end of the world is.

I clearly remember the days when when knowing a gay or lesbian person was so scarce, I remember the days when these people did whatever they could to stay in the closet - to hide their shame, I remember the days when being homophobic was okay and accepted by society. Now a days everyone is a homosexual and they are so proud of it. You have the Gay Pride Parade, TV shows like Will and Grace, even shows that have nothing to do about homosexuals have at least one homosexual in the script, its everywhere! I mean, when I was in high school it suddenly became the newest fad to come out of the closet. People that I knew that were in heterosexual relationships all of a sudden decided to flip the switch. I personally always saw it as disgusting, but looking at it from an Islamic point of view, my phobia doesn't only relate to those who engage in such a sin, but also the repercussions that those who sit and watch silently will have to face.

Many Muslims along with non-Muslims wave the banner of Human Rights but so conveniently forget the story of the People of Lut (pbuh). These Muslims often are quick to say things such as "What's the big deal?" "How does legalizing gay marriages cause such a huge effect on you? What does it matter?" And while all of the arguments may sound valid..really, how does the legalization of gay marriage affect a straight Muslim?? Well, I have news for you....it does. Not all of the people of Lut committed sins such as homosexuality, but they were still destroyed. In fact, the wife of Prophet Lut perished with the rest of his people, not because she committed these crimes, but because she didn't see anything wrong with them. Suban'Allah I see the same behavior with the Muslim community today and quite frankly is scary.

I was listening to Mohammed Al-Shareef's lecture series titled "The Perished Nations" and something he said really struck me. He mentioned that the conotation used to describe one who opposes homosexuality is very negative - Homophobic. The word homophobic suggests that this notion that is supposed to be good (ie, opposing homosexuality) is now looked at as something bad. This very same flip-flopping of good and bad it what was seen during the time of Prophet Lut.

As if it isn't bad enough to have a world that has condoned homosexuality to the point that same-sex marriages have been legalized and the media is teaming with homosexuals in an attempt to desensitize society, we now have "Muslim" groups that openly accept such behavior. Groups such as Al-Fatiha are Muslim, queer and darn proud of it (May Allah (SWT) protect us all).

I was talking to this lady I met at this cafe that I often study at. She, like many people that see me want to ask a million questions about Islam (I love it). Anyways she first asked me about me attire, then about dating in Islam, marriage in Islam and then resorted to the question "Can a Muslim person be Gay?" My answer was "A Muslim can be Gay as long as he stays in the closet, because that kind of thing is not allowed in Islam." And then I froze up, because inside of my head I was thinking all sorts of things including (why would anyone want to be gay in the first place) but I wasn't sure if the person I was speaking to was herself gay, so I left the conversation at that until she asked me what I thought about the legalization of same-sex marriage. I'm not a liar, so I told the truth starting with "No offense but..." and then continued to say "I believe it undermines the sanctity of marriage, and that marriage has always been and should always be between a man an a woman no matter what religion you follow."

Growing up I always thought that what one person does does not have an effect on the rest of society, but from history this belief has been contradicted. Society at a whole is affected by the actions of its citizens, even if it is just the actions of a handful of citizens (the rotten apple in the basket notion). Don't get me wrong, I believe that homosexuals are humans and deserve basic human rights as individuals, but the rights to legal "marriage" and what not in my belief is a right for a man with a woman and a woman with a man only.

So yes, I am homophobic...and darn proud about it!

So when are you getting married?

2008-07-17T14:38:00.001-07:00

Its that question that everyone seems to ask me as if I was born with some kind of calendar that told me when my big day would be. If you were born into my family, this question first gets asked to you (especially if you're a girl) somewhere around your 18th birthday. For me, it came much earlier. My grandmother died when I was a freshmen in high school, so that would make me 14 years old - that is when the questions started. You see, my grandmother had this wish that I marry my cousin who was about three years older to me, its this old fashioned back-home kind of thinking. Don't get me wrong, my cousin is a great guy, he's funny, good-looking and smart, but he's like an older brother to me. I quickly told my grandfather that it wouldn't happen when he brought up the subject and it was rather easy to convince him, only then he would just ask me about other people instead.

I'd like to get married - now if I could - only, I haven't found the right brother. I once thought I found the right brother, he was perfect to me in every way, only his niceness was truly just being nice and nothing more. To make a long story short, he is now married to a wonderful sister (I wish them the very best, insha'Allah). My family and friends think that I am very picky, and I agree, however I feel this is a matter in which one should be picky. I understand that nit-picking on little things such as the kind of car one drives or how one looks is ridiculously shallow, however when it comes to Islam one should be as picky as possible.

I am very liberal in some ways and very conservative in others. I am liberal in a sense that I think that a women should have the right to work and that her husband should help her around the house. I know that I don't want to run my household in the way that my mother has where the boys in the family to "man work" and the girls do "woman work." I believe that each gender should help out equally - even when it comes to cleaning the bathrooms. I suppose my conservative side comes from Islam. I believe that a man's wife should dress conservatively and should not converse with non-mehram men without the presence of her husband unless it is a conversation that is strictly business related, needless to say that this goes for the husband as well. I disapprove of television and music and would only marry a man who feels the same way. I want the masjid to be a huge part of our lives, so naturally the masjid has to play a huge role in his life. Also, I would like to study Islam abroad after I get married (since my parents won't let me go now), so of course he would have to have the same goal, insha'Allah. And so when I explain all of this to my parents, my family and my close friends and they all think I'm nuts. Perhaps I am, but I am determined to get what I want, especially if I have to spend the rest of my life with my decision.

Now a days its extremely difficult to find a good Muslim brother or even a good Muslim sister for that matter. Unfortunately, these days, the youth has become corrupted with the culture of hip hop, drugs, music, alcohol. Muslim brothers and sisters alike engage in the use of foul language, its a shame. What is even more shameful is that parents, knowing the difficulty their children face in finding a spouse, make the situation even more difficult. The parent's of daughters are far more at fault than those of sons (in my experience). As if it wasn't hard enough to find a good Muslim brother, you now have to make sure he's of the same background as you, he speaks the same language as you, he's from the same economical standing as you, he has a PhD, he has white skin, and the list goes on and on. For goodness sake, what happened to the days when people were getting married as early as possible in order to protect themselves from sin, when a man's religion was all that really mattered? What happened to the days when one of the reasons for marriage was to strengthen alliances between families? Subhan'Allah its a shame to see the state of the Ummah.

Now back to that question...

So when am I getting married? I suppose the answer is still "when I find the right brother, or when he finds me, insha'Allah." I truely desire to get married in the very near future, I just don't think that ACTIVELY searching for a potential spouse is the route that I would like to take. Insha'Allah when the opportunity presents itself, I will inquire. While I wait for my knight in shining thowbe to sweep me off my feet, I feel that what I need to do is focus on my family, my community, my deen, my studies and my career. I believe that marriage is half of one's deen and I realize its importance in the structure of the Islamic community, but I believe that life doesn't just stand still until Mr. or Mrs. Right come along to save the day because life goes on.

So until he comes, I'll be here insha'Allah working to benefit my community.

Facebook

2008-07-17T00:18:00.000-07:00

I have a love-hate relationship with facebook. For those of you who have been living under a rock for the past 10 years or so, facebook is an online networking website, kind of like myspace, freindster and other such websites. My love for facebook began roughly about a year ago. I realized that it was far more professional than myspace was. Facebook wasn't just about adding as many friends as possible it was about joining networks and making friends within those networks.

Facebook allowed me to search my friends and acquaintances through the networks that they belonged to. It allowed me to link to a friend from the profile of another friend. It also facilitated a lot of the MSA work I did in that many speakers were on facebook and many of the MSA presidents from other schools were easily contactable through facebook. And of course, it facilitated the advertisement of MSA events.

Facebook also makes it extremely easy for me to keep in touch with my family that lives over seas. It allows me to communicate with them and stay updated with their lives and it also allows me to share pictures with them. And while I love the pictures....I also hate them.

I hate facebook for its pictures because it is often too telling of an individual's character and often times it just shares more information than is necessary to be shared. I read somewhere that "Facebook is the greatest test for the 70 excuses rule" and it is so true! Honestly, what conclusion can one draw from a picture in which there is a Muslim girl who is at a bar with beer and alcohol bottles on the table in front of her and she is holding a a martini glass?

Here is my attempt at providing this sister with 70 excuses:
1. The martini glass has water in it
2. Perhaps her drink is a virgin drink (i.e. containing no alcohol)
3. Maybe she is holding her friends martini glass (but then why is she posing with it?)
4. ......
5. ......
6. Clearly I am running out of excuses (can someone help me out?)

I can honeslty say that in the amount of time I have spent of facebook I have lost a ton of respect for a lot of the brothers and sisters I know. People that I grew up with, people that I have always respected and that my family respects have this awful habit of posting pictures on their facebook pages for the world to see of themselves misbehaving. There are pictures of sisters with brothers with their arms around one another, sisters dressed provocatively, brothers posting pictures with captions that contain profanity, my list can go on and on. These are Muslims that I see at the Masjid on a regular basis I am hurt to see that this is the direction that our ummah is heading in.

Facebook has also paved the way for open mingling between the genders. It first starts off as a POKE, because this is the only way to poke a non-mehram without actually touching him. Soon, it progresses into a friend request. Next thing you know, you're looking at his pictures (and posting pictures of you looking more beautiful than usual for the sheer intention of having him see them) and you're leaving him random comments on his wall asking him about how his day was, all the while you're thinking "there is no way that this is haraam, everyone can see. we're not alone!" And if wall-flirting wasn't enough, facebook decided to add facebook chat to the mix, and now you can talk to your "brother-friend" in realtime.

I often wonder if these brothers and sisters realize that they are posting pictures of their trips to Las Vegas with their boyfriends and girlfriends or if they know that they are posting it do they know that I and everyone else on their facebook can see them? I wonder when I say salaams to them if they know that I know about their double lives.

For a while, I shut down my facebook because to me it facilitated shaytans attempt at making Muslims backbite their brother's and sister's. I hated facebook for making me see the bad in my peers and for making me judge them based off of what I saw on their pages. The way I am, I like to look for the good in people in that if a perosn is nice to me and treats me with respect that's enough for me to conclude that this person is a nice individual, but facebook has done a good job of ruining that for me. Because I feared judging my brother or sister and because I despised backbiting them, I made the decision to shut down my facebook. I soon realized that without my facebook, I was saving a lot more time, sometimes even hours on end.

Currently, my facebook is back. I tried to stay away from it for as long as I possibly could, but life was much too dificult without it, especially with the community work that I do, its very hard for me to get in contact with people in my community without the convenience of simply typing in their name and searching it. Nonetheless, I am trying not to aimlessly browse through others' facebook pages for fear that I will find somethng that will require 70 excuses and for fear that it will cause me to pass judgement on another Muslim.

The many different manifestations....

2008-07-15T23:40:00.000-07:00

....of the Hijaab.

When non-Muslims ask me what it is that I adore so much about Islam, after mentioning the fact that it is the truest, purest and most fair religion ever, I mention that it is the one religion that has not evolved with the times. I mean we Muslims still pray five times a day, we still fast in the month of Ramadan, we still read the same Quran, we still agree that alcohol and pork are haraam, we still pray to Mecca and Muslim women still wear they same hijaab (or do they?).

Throughout my young life, both as a non-hijaabi and as a hijaabi I have noticed many different variations in the way Muslim women wear the hijaab. This might be a little too much to ask (I guess each individual is entitled to his/her own opinion), but if you're going to wear a hijaab PLEASE WEAR IT CORRECTLY! I know some of you (if anyone reads this thing) are reading this and thinking "It's on my head...whats the big deal?" It is a big deal!

Here's a break down of the various "styles" of hijaab I have seen in my young life:

The convertible hijaab

Eveyone knows the convertible hijaab. It's the one that starts off covering an entire head of hair but the material is too slippery so it slides down, showing a quarter of the sister's hair, then half of the sister's hair, then the sister's whole head only to be quickly pulled back up to cover the full head. The convertible hijaab can be a huge distraction for the hijaab-wearing sister and those around her as the shooshing sound of the hijaab material moving up and down the sister's head may divert ones attention from the khateeb. My advice to convertible hijaab sister is to get one of those cotton bonnet thingies to wear under her hijaaab, and add a couple safety pins to make sure that stubburn hijaab stays on.

The plastic wrap hijaab

So, I'm not even sure if this should be counted as a hijaab, but since I've seen it so many times its worth mentioning. The plastic wrap hijaab reminds me of that plastic wrap you use to cover up leftover food before you toss it in the fridge. Its transparent! Its made of this net like material and fails to cover even one strand of hair. My advice for the plastic wrap hijaab sister: "Sister, please don't ever wear that hijaab again. Instead invest in something perhapse less see-through."

The chandelier-earing hijaab

This hijaab is seen worn by many young sisters. It mirrors the hip-hop style hair wrap. often, sisters that wear this style of hijaab do so in order to make it possible to wear beautiful chandelier earings that compliment both their hijaab and their outfit. Some of the chandelier-earing wearing hijaab sisters fail to cover their necks (which is part of their awrah) while others do an excellent job covering their neckes with extra pieces of fabric or a turtle neck even in the middle of summer (anything to look good I suppose). These sisters are pretty stylish, you can expect them to have a nice pair of leather high heel boots, a big designer handbag, some large designer sunglasses and large jewelry. This type of hijaabi is often a distraction to brothers, especially in the masjid with the click-clacking of her boots.

The I'm too cool for my hijaab hijaab

This is the hijaab that is barely on the sister's head to begin with as she enters the masjid. This hijaab is constantly fiddled with during the khutbah and is constantly re-tied during salah. And as soon as salah is over the wearer of this hijaab tosses it off her head before the aunty next to her can say "Assalamualaikum!" This is often the sister who has tons of make-up on and has her hair done all nicely underneath her hijaab. My advice to this sister: at least keep your hijaab on until you get to your car. Its hard enough for brothers to lower their gazes, we shouldn't make it harder.

The I'm so HOOD hijaab

This is one of my favorites. I used to rock the I'm so HOOD hijaab in my early hijaabi days. This hijaab is sometimes accompanied by baggy pants and a baggy sweatshirt. Sometimes it is accented with a baseball cap tilted to the side and topped with a sweatshirt hood. This hijaab allows a hijaabi to have that rebellious image while still allowing her to fully cover up like a good Muslim girl is supposed to.

The I just spent a lot of money on my new highlights and I want to show the world hijaab

This is on of my all time favorite hijaabs, but at the same time I abhor it. This is the hijaab where everything that is supposed to be covered is covered except those 3-5 inches of side-swept, newly highlighted bangs. I hate this one the most becuase it often starts out at the perfect hijaab - simple and modest but for some reason gradually moves back farther and father revealing more and more hair and becoming more deliberate in intention as the days pass. This hijaabi often starts out as wearing nice modest clothing and then gradually everything seems to get smaller on her as if she lets them sit in the dryer for too long. My advice to this hijaabi: Ya ukhti, remember the reason you are wearing hijaab in the first place.

I can go on and on defining different types of hijaab, but I will end with my absolute favorite hijaab...

The simple hijaab

This hijaab is simple as its name suggests. It does a great job of covering the sister's hair and may also go so far as to sweep across her chest so as to contribute to additional modesty. This hijaab is often accompanied by long, loose-fitting clothing. While this hijaab is simple it is not limited to just one color or just one style...its versatile in that it comes in many different shapes, colors and patterns and can, if tied properly, be the best accessory to any outfit.

My intention in writing this entry is in no way meant to judge anyone as judging is a right that belongs to Allah (SWT) alone, rather it was meant to point out the various things that I have seen. I pray that Allah (SWT) guide us all and that when the time for judgment comes, he is pleased with us all (ameen).

Aliens in America

2008-07-13T21:43:00.000-07:00

There's this new show on the CW network called Aliens in America about Raja a Muslim foreign exchange student from Pakistan that is living with his host family in Wisconsin. The show airs on the CW network on Sunday nights at 8:30/7:30 central.

This isn't the first show that attempted to bring Muslims and their lifestyles into the Western living room in order to prove to the rest of the world that Muslims are people too. The Canadian show Little Mosque on the Prairie sought out to portray the same message.

While I don't watch T.V. for the mere reason that there is too much garbage on it (that's a topic for another entry), I find that its not such a bad idea to have a Muslim personality on the screen so long as the message being spread about Islam is the right one. It is for this reason exactly, if I had to choose between Aliens in America or Little Mosque on the Prairie I would have to whole heartedly cast my vote for the latter.

Little Mosque on the Prairie did an excellent job of portraying Muslims appropriately, making sure to keep in mind the rules of hijaab and the rules of gender relations while at the same time throwing in a little laugh out loud kind of humor. The show was not all comedy and no truth. In fact, it was the right blend of jokes and facts. The show did an amazing job of explaining the rules of gender relations and how Muslims went about courting for marriage, it explained Ramadan, it showed that women were not oppressed and that they played a huge role in the Mosque, it simply did an amazing job. While it definitely wasn't Islam 101 the TV edition, it did an adequate job.

On the other hand, the whole five minutes of Aliens in America is just enough to send me with some picket sign to protest the show in front of CW headquarters. The show is absurd! I mean, if you're gong to have someone being Muslim on a show, at least have it be an authentic representation! As my mom was flipping channels in the living room, I noticed a girl in a hijaab, so naturally I asked her to stay on that channel...two minutes into the show I wanted to take my computer and throw it at the TV screen.

The scene that I witnessed was this Muslim girl in a hijaab sitting at a table in a restaurant across from Raja (the Muslim main character), they are supposed to be on a date, a halal one - mind you - only the parents have not arrived yet. Anyways they are talking (I wasn't really listening as I was rather annoyed) and then she says "I have one western tendency..when I like someone I do this" and then leans over and kisses him!! He proceeds to say "I will have to ask you to refrain from doing that from now on, unless of course we get married...nonetheless, thank you." Astaghfirullah! Smoke was coming out of my ears. In the next scene, I wasn't really listening, but I saw, and the same Muslim hijaabi walking in the restaurant hand-in-hand with a caucasian, my guess would be non-Muslim boy.

Its a shame that Muslims are being portrayed as people with no morals. What's wrong with the idea of having a sitcom with a Muslim cast member who is on the show to humerously debunk common misconceptions about Muslims OR to humerously explain Islamic rules and practices? I am absolutely disgusted!

Astaghfirullah!

The family secret...

2008-07-13T02:03:00.000-07:00

Very rarely does my family sit down and talk about the past. I don't remember the last time I ever heard a story about my parents' childhoods that were more deep than mere recounts of playing on the beach or family get togethers. Every family has a story, a story that everyone knows but no one dares tell...today I found out what that story was and somehow, even though I didn't know the story existed, I feel at peace because it no longer is a secret.

Last night, my girl cousins, my aunts and I had this girls night hang out thing at one of my aunts houses. The night was full of confessions, stories, memories, jokes, laughs, arguments, tears and smiles. It was amazing.

The story came out as we were discussing this issue we are having with my cousin. This cousin of mine is seeing the sister of my best friend and everyone knows. My cousin is in love with this girl, but there is a strong possibility that the two will never be together. Before I carry on, I understand that dating is haraam, however the truth of the matter is its happening and while each and everyone of us have tried to put a stop to it, nothing is working. Marriage is not looking like a viable option as my best friend's family is structured like European Royalty during the Medieval times, everyone marries some sort of relative, and my cousin is not a relative. (My apologies for making this story-like, but I have to share it with someone). Anyways, my aunt confided in us about her feelings, about how ridiculous she feels when she faces my best friend's family, about she fears her son would be heart broken when things don't work out (not if), and finally she said something that left all us young ones in question..."I just hope what happened to Abdul, doesn't happen to him!" Since I am the eldest, everyone turns to me asking me "Who's Abdul?"

Abdul is one of my mother's older brothers. You see, my mom comes from a huge family, a total of thirteen siblings, some passed away before my mother (the youngest) was born, others passed away before my mother and the rest of her siblings came to this country. Abdul was one of those siblings that passed away before my mother came to this country. The comment still made no sense to me. I don't remember any stories about my uncle except that he died in a motor cycle accident. So, I answer my cousins' question "Abdul is their brother" "So, what happened to him?" "I'm not sure." And so I gave this look to my aunt, and she looked at my other aunt, and the looks continued until someone broke the silence, my aunt that started all this began to explain. "He killed himself, he overdosed himself." And then it started, my eldest aunt tried to put a stop to the conversation explaining that we "didn't need to know." We acted like little children, eager to hear the rest of the story, asking more questions, trying to make sense of it all. My mother chimes in, "They have to know! This is their family history."

My uncle was in love with this girl and wanted to marry her, but one day, he saw her with another man. This devastated my uncle, so he basically took a lot of pills. My aunts insist that his intention wasn't suicide and that he only wanted to giver her a scare, only he died in the process (Allah yarhamu). All this time I thought it was a motorcycle accident, or at least that's what they've been telling us.

I cannot imagine the pain that my grandparents went through to lose a son in that manner or even the shame the dealth with, so much so that they made up a story to cover it all up. One of my aunts was clearly upset, "Only a loser would take his life because of a girl!" While I agree 150% that committing suicide is wrong on so many different levels, I can honestly say that I know what it feels like to not want to exist anymore. I have faced heart break after heart break, the last one being the hardest to endure and at the time it feels like the only thing to alleviate the pain is to cease to exist, I thank Allah (SWT) that he has given me the understanding that everything happens for a reason. Afterall, Allah is the best of planners.

Not just a peice of cloth

2008-07-11T21:28:00.000-07:00

I started wearing hijaab in college, it was Ramadan 1424 (2004). I don't know what came over me...I simply woke up in the morning and put on my hijaab. The mere act of wearing the hijaab was not challenging at all, and the drive to school was okay as well, but it was when I actually got to class when the difficult part began. I could just here everyone's thoughts "Homegirl woke up and decided to turn all Holy on us!" My classmates stared, and when I looked in their direction to see what that burning sensation on the side of my face was they'd quickly divert their gaze as if I wouldn't notice. I kept telling myself I didn't care, and well, I really didn't but its a bit disconcerting when EVERYONE is looking at you like you just landed from a different planet. It wasn't necessarily rude staring, I'm sure it was simply because they were curious.

At work people asked questions as to why I decided to wear the hijaab, so I made something up because I myself didn't know why I wore it, I simply woke up and put it on. There really was no particular reason as to why.

At home, my father had the same question, "why now?" it wasn't the support I was looking for. My father was more concerned for my safety in this country rather than my obedience to my Lord. However, his unhappiness at the situation somehow made me stronger, it was some sort of a rebellion, only this time I knew that I was 110% correct! I'll tell you, that was an amazing feeling!

I give a talk in one of the Religious Studies classes at my University on my experience being a Muslim woman in America. In that talk, whenever I get to the subject of my hijaab I start of by saying "I don't know why I started to wear hijaab, but I can't tell you why I continue to wear it" and then I proceed to tell them that its the best thing that has ever happened to me. You see, when I started wearing hijaab I instantly noticed the difference in the way men looked at me. Before the hijaab there were a number of occasions where men would roll down their car windows to whistle at me, walk by me and flirt with me and other immature things that men do. After the hijaab men would give this sort of nod of approval, kind of like a bow of respect, they would open doors for me, I once had a man offer to give up his seat for me. I got into a conversation with someone once, about my hijaab and Muslim women in general. What he said touched me, he told me that he had a high regard for Muslim women because we value our bodies so much so that we don't flaunt it for the whole world to see.

I believe the bad responses I get are more motivating though. In the past I've been pretty active with my MSA and have been attacked by radical Christians while sitting out at the Dawah table in the University's quad. I've been told to go back home, the funny thing is I was born here, raised here, I never left here, so where would they like me to go? I've been told that my religion treats me a second class citizen, I think its amazing how a non-Muslim man can tell a practicing Muslim woman that she is being oppressed, when non-Muslim women are walking around half-naked parading their bodies for everyone to stare at like a piece of meat...now that is oppression!

I've been told that my garb is rather ancient. Granted, it may look that way to the untrained eye. I've been asked, by my professor, mind you if I would ever consider assimilating into American society. So I looked at her with this blank look and basically tell her that assimilating does not include letting go of one's beleifs. I mean, I go to school, I have a job, I drive a car, I speak English, Spanish, some Arabic, I wear jeans (under my abaya) and I speak my mind, what part of assimilation did I miss? Perhaps its the hijaab, but that's just appart of my American right to the Freedom of Religion.

I think the most amazing aspect of my hijaab is the random "Assalamualaikum" I get when I'm at the library, in my car, at the mall. What makes me happier than the adults that say salam to me is the children. After a long shift at the hospital when everything possible went wrong, I was heading out through the Emergency Room doors with tears at the verge of dropping from my eyes, I stared striaght ahead, not interested in making eye contact with anyone when I felt these tiny arms around my legs, as I looked down, there was this little boy with a huge grin on his face "Assalamualaikum!" he said and suddenly I forgot the reason for my tear-filled eyes. The other day I was Forever 21 with a friend of mine and I feel this small boy tug on my abaya, so naturally I look down, "Assalamualaikum, Kayfa Halek?" Its an amazing feeling I tell you.

I love my hijaab!

Innocence gone

2008-07-11T01:15:00.000-07:00

I often find myself asking the question "whatever happened to the days when kids were innocent?" and then I stop and realize that the innocence of children didn't even exist when I was a child.

I blame TV and bad parenting. The media does this fantastic job of introducing sexuality to children at the earliest age possible with Disney movies such as Cinderella, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, HECK, even the Lion King. In every one of these movies the main character has a love interest that is perused and in the end "they all live happily ever after" and the movie ends with this classic kissing scene all while three, four and five-year-old children sit with their eyes unblinkingly staring at the screen. Its no wonder the age girls lose their virginity and become pregnant is becoming younger and younger. I am not saying its all Walt Disney's fault, because it definitely isn't, its every media company out there followed by every parent that allows their child to watch all that nonsense.

What happened to the days when premarital sex was completely taboo? Now a days you become some sort of a joke if you happen to be a virgin past age 18. I remember distinctly having a conversation with a friend of mine when I was in Junior High about prom (of course I knew I was never going to go, because good Muslim girls do not attend co-ed dances) and I remeber her telling me that prom was going to be the night that she lost her virginity. I was immature then, and while if someone were to say something that idiotic now I would knock some sense in them, I simply smiled and awkward smile. A million thoughts were racing in my mind, however. "How could you simply sleep with someone just because its prom night?" "What if the guy you go with is just your friend and nothing more?" "What if you get pregnant?" "What if your parents find out?" All these thoughts raced in my head, all the while, I was only 13 years old. Today, I look at my nieces and nephews two of which are in that same age range and when I think back to that conversation I am moved to tears and my heart hurts. My mind can't help but realize that while at 13 my friend was talking about giving up her virginity when shes 18 there are girls as young as 11 giving birth to babies - babies giving birth to babies!!!

And its not just the girls, its the boys too. Society builds this enormous pressure on boys to be these tough guys so much so that answering "Yes" to the question "Are you a virgin" is all of a sudden a shameful thing. What is wrong with society? These poor, poor children are being robbed of a childhood. I've worked with children as young as five years of age, some of these children are Muslim and it devastates me to hear them talk about the things that they talk about. I wonder what kind of parenting their parents offer them. It appalling to hear a child as young as five years old, Muslim or not, singing "Slap That" by Akon or "Candy Shop" by Fifty-cent. What kind of message are we sending out children? What bothers me more than that is the thought of the kind of TV shows they watch when five year old kids are playing boyfriend and girlfriend. Sure, it might be cute when they are that young, but mommy won't be ooh-ing and aww-ing when her little girl comes home one day and says she's pregnant.

I often wish my parents were far more strict on me than they were when I was younger, I wish they asked more questions and made more rules to be followed, perhaps then I would not have made the many mistakes that I did back then. I pray to Allah that I can learn from the mistakes that my mother and father made and be able to better preserve my childrens' childhood. Don't get me wrong, my parents did the best job they could, its just that the environment I was in was a bit different and required a stricter approach. I pray that Allah (swt) protect each and every child and that he opens the eyes of every parent s that they may see the evil world we are living in.

Assalam Alaikum!

2008-07-11T01:07:00.000-07:00

I have made countless attempts to keep a regular blog in which I rant and rave about the thoughts that seem to pop into my mind. The task seemed rather easy back in high school (which mind you was years ago) perhaps its because back then I had all the time in the world to stop what I was doing to go and blog about how I felt or what I thought. You see, the problem is thoughts come in and out of my mind almost as fast as I blink my eyes. I often find myself saying "If I had a blog I would write about that" as a thought enters my mind. However, the truth of the matter has always been that "I don't have a blog." I suppose this solves that problem! So, here goes.....