"Muslims like to fight"

The above is a statement said to me by a friend of mine who carried on to tell me that when he said that, he didn't mean me because I am "Moderate."

I personally do not know whether I should be flattered or I should be upset by such a statement.

Two of my friends were talking about the situation in Libya and how Obama had no business sending troops to help with the revolution. One guy was pro-sending the troops because as he saw it, this was a Humanitarian crisis and this is where America should be sticking their nose. The other, feels like Muslims are using this as another reason to fight...because after all...that's what we like to do.

At the time I heard this, I was hurt. Desperately trying my hardest to redeem the Muslim name, explaining that a minority should not be what labels the opposing majority. But as these explanations of how Jihad isn't necessarily a holy war or that Fox news is a bunch of idiot-wannabe journalists, I realized that I can't blame him.

Its our fault.

Let me preface this by saying I am pro every revolution that is going on in the Arab world today. I stand with the Egyptians, Syrian, Algerians, Libyans, etc. I applaud their fearlessness in standing up to their oppressive regimes, knowing that they may not live to see the end of what they started....those people at the core of these revolution are MEN and the women at their side are women who I wish to meet in Jannah one day if I am lucky enough.

Now, back to my rant. ITS OUR FAULT!

How many of us try to show our non-Muslim neighbors that what they see on TV is not the thoughts and beliefs of the majority of the Muslim community? (I am speaking to myself first). When we get cut off by some moron on the street instead of biting our tongue, we shout out a few expletives. We hold our heads down and walk. We don't smile. AND in the rare event that someone decides to "ask us a personal question" (which we know is most likely about our terrorist brothers or about that hijaab our husband forces us to wear) we get loud and defensive or wave our hand in disgust and walk off.

I can feel a wave of hate that is going to be thrown at me for saying this, but its something that has been bugging me for quite sometime now and I have stayed quiet, but I think it should be mentioned. AND since you don't really know who I am, I'll go ahead and talk :). My brothers: The Irvine 11 who have received a ton of publicity (and are facing criminal charges) for interrupting a speech being given by the Israeli Ambassador to the US. There's a few things I want to say about this:

1. I am anti-Israel. I believe that the land being occupied by the Apartheid state should be given back to its rightful owners. And there is a lot more I can say, but know I am completely against that regime.

2. I do NOT believe that criminal charges should be placed on the Irvine 11 - disrupting a speech is NOT a criminal act. No matter how many times they were asked to stop.

3. What the Irvine 11 did is NOT what the Prophet (SAW) would have done! We sometimes, in our anger and passion for what is right forget how we should handle such a situation. By all means speak out against the lies and filth being fed to people by the Apartheid State...but do it peacefully. Do it in such a way that if the Sahaba (RA) were watching you or if the prophet (SAW) was seeing your reaction you would not be ashamed.

We are living in a different era. We are the despised and hated neighbor and instead of acting like that despised neighbor, we need to act like the neighbor everyone that hates us wishes they had.

Smile at your neighbor. When they are sick ask them how they are. If you don't see them, knock on their door or leave them a note to let them know you care. Invite them to your house for Eid. Share the food you made for Iftaar with them. DON'T BE RUDE!

Waiting

So my question is....How long is too long??

To wait for a brother to get in touch with you after he says he's interested in you and you agree to allow him to contact you.

I'm someone who is attached to my phone, my emails are fed to me directly and immediately. I am ALWAYS in contact with humans. So perhaps I'm a little needy when it comes to receiving an email that says "Hi, I'm the guy that was interested in getting to know you for marriage. When can I set up a meeting with you and your parents (or brother)?"

Anyone wanna shed some light on this.

Under Management

Rarely do I ever have a young patient. Where I work, the patients are usually my parents' age or a lot older. However, a couple weeks ago I had a patient who was not much older than myself. As a matter of fact we probably listened to the same music, watched the same shows, followed the fashion trends growing up.

The first day I took care of him, it was like taking care of any patient. You know, formal - I called him mister. The second day, we became friends. Laughing, joking, watching the basketball game together (I like to build a rapport with my patients...especially when I know I'll be caring for them for at least a couple days). While I was starting his IV, one of our psych patients started to scream. He rolls his eyes. I laughed.

"Am I on the psych ward?!" He asks...half serious, half joking.

"It feels like it doesn't it...I promise its not a psych floor."

"Yeah right!"

"Well, I mean we take care of psych patients from time to time, plus a lot of older patients with dementia end up on this floor, so they confused and at out sometimes."

"Yesterday some lady was talking about bacon. Like at 2 in the morning!"

"Oh you mean Edna (not her real name, of course)? She can be a hand full, but I think she got discharged"

"OMG, so its another one....ya'll do have me on the psych ward. Man, your husband probably hears some crazy stories from you."

I smile, "I'm not married."

"You're kidding right?" I nod my head. "WOW, well dang girl, you walk around like you're under management or something."

"Why does everyone say that?!" I'm now officially blushing from semi-embarrassment

"Its the way you carry yourself, like you have a man on your side or something."

The conversation carried further. I still don't know why every man I encounter in person assumes I'm married just by the way I "carry" myself. I think I'm pretty friendly...at least with men that are not Muslim in an attempt to show them that Muslim women are not stiff prudes as we are often portrayed as. I smile, I joke, I laugh and am also not afraid to have a decent conversation with men. So why is it that men always think I'm married?

I went on a date a couple days ago....

I have a feeling this will muster up a lot of hate messages, judgment and more, but, before ya'll get your knickers in a twist..please read first.

My co-workers are aware that I don't go out with guys...alone. They also know that I only get married...and to Muslim men only. (I say it like I do this on a daily basis).

So the date.

This guy is Muslim...he's an acquaintance of this friend of mine. And I guess he happens to be looking for someone and happened to be in town that day. So, my friend tells me she wants me to meet a friend of hers "He's Muslim, good-looking, single and looking."

Me: "Um? can I think about it?"
Her: He's only here for a few days for work. I think you should really think about it. Hey...you never know, it could work!

Me: (nervous as hell, yet appreciative of the offer) I'll think about it...I'll let you know by lunch time.

While I was there...toying with this idea, I consulted a friend..a sister. Her thoughts went something like this:

"What do you know about him? Is he practicing or a closet Muslim? How MUSLIM is he? How old is he?" and the list of 21 questions continued.

Eventually, I decided, on my own to meet him (with this friend of mine of course) I call it a date because of its spur of the moment-ness, the fact my parents had no clue, the fact that I didn't know anything about him. The only thing that made it not a date was that my friend was going to be there. And, it wasn't really a date. But that is what she called it.

So after work, we decided to meet him for coffee. On the way there my friend was asking a million questions.

"So, what do I do? Do I sit at the same table? Do I act like furniture or do I actually interact? I've never really been on a date with someone as a chaperone."

When I write it down it sounds kind of comedic, but while it was happening it didn't feel so funny. I felt like I was doing something wrong, even though I wasn't, really....or was I?

He was a complete gentleman. He didn't try to shake my hand, he respected my space. He was funny, smart. I felt like we could really be friends. But there was something I couldn't put my finger on that just didn't seem to sit right in my stomach. Its been a few days and I haven't heard from him yet and I'm not really sure what happens next.

I guess we wait...some more?

Resolutions...

I know I am late by a few days, but it seems like that time of year. The time of year when everyone is making list upon list things that they would like to do before the following year....a list of things they probably will never do, not even in ten years.

Lose weight, exercise more, stop procrastinating (but of course you will procrastinate and decide to stop procrastinating....tomorrow). Been there, done that.

I on the other other hand don't like to make resolutions, they don't cross my mind until everyone around me starts to talk about their own resolutions. I don't want to lose weight - to be honest, I don't have enough weight to lose anyway. I'd like to exercise more, but if I don't, it wouldn't bother me. Yes, procrastinating is something I would LOVE to stop doing, but lets face it...I'll probably continue to do that for a long time. I would like to be a better Muslimah (but this is a lifetime resolution).

You see the thing with resolutions is that you can't just have one. The reality is, we ALL need tweaking. We have MANY things to change...not just one. So I propose a new concept...instead of a new YEAR resolution...I propose we make a new DAY resolution. Every day..a new resolution. We change one thing everyday and each day we build on it.

I mean why wait a whole year to work on another improvement?

PRESSURE PRESSURE

It's enough when a Muslim girl is pressured by her family and friends to find a guy and settle down. But I think the tip of the ice berg, straw that broke the camels back, etc is when a non-Muslim tells a Muslim girl that she better start looking for a husband.

At the time it happened to me, it was funny...but it only made my situation even more apparent to me. And it got me thinking.

Maybe the guy I truly want does not exist. My mother tells me that I am way too picky. And I can agree with her. However, the thought of settling makes me despise getting married at all. I personally don't think the things I expect are extraordinary...I mean they are characteristics that exist in many people...(only they are married). I just seem to have an impossible time finding my person.

The search continues....and the frustration grows.

I'm in love....

....with his voice!

Subhan'Allah, every Ramadan I'll attend a masjid for Tarawih or Qiyam ul Layl and some brother at one of the many masjids I attend will have the most amazing voice, and I will fall in love.

I was at a Qiyam the other night and this happened.

I don't know if I'm the only one that goes through this. But I literally fall in love with the voice, it brings peace to me (of course that's because its the words of Allah recited so nicely) and I can't get the voice out of my mind. I even go so far as to try to find out who the brother is (and of course if he's single)....however I think I'm so old that every time this happens the brother is younger than me....this one was 19.

Sigh