Under Management

Rarely do I ever have a young patient. Where I work, the patients are usually my parents' age or a lot older. However, a couple weeks ago I had a patient who was not much older than myself. As a matter of fact we probably listened to the same music, watched the same shows, followed the fashion trends growing up.

The first day I took care of him, it was like taking care of any patient. You know, formal - I called him mister. The second day, we became friends. Laughing, joking, watching the basketball game together (I like to build a rapport with my patients...especially when I know I'll be caring for them for at least a couple days). While I was starting his IV, one of our psych patients started to scream. He rolls his eyes. I laughed.

"Am I on the psych ward?!" He asks...half serious, half joking.

"It feels like it doesn't it...I promise its not a psych floor."

"Yeah right!"

"Well, I mean we take care of psych patients from time to time, plus a lot of older patients with dementia end up on this floor, so they confused and at out sometimes."

"Yesterday some lady was talking about bacon. Like at 2 in the morning!"

"Oh you mean Edna (not her real name, of course)? She can be a hand full, but I think she got discharged"

"OMG, so its another one....ya'll do have me on the psych ward. Man, your husband probably hears some crazy stories from you."

I smile, "I'm not married."

"You're kidding right?" I nod my head. "WOW, well dang girl, you walk around like you're under management or something."

"Why does everyone say that?!" I'm now officially blushing from semi-embarrassment

"Its the way you carry yourself, like you have a man on your side or something."

The conversation carried further. I still don't know why every man I encounter in person assumes I'm married just by the way I "carry" myself. I think I'm pretty friendly...at least with men that are not Muslim in an attempt to show them that Muslim women are not stiff prudes as we are often portrayed as. I smile, I joke, I laugh and am also not afraid to have a decent conversation with men. So why is it that men always think I'm married?

I'm looking....

....but don't really know WHERE to look.

Ok so I suppose every Muslim of my age is probably looking. For a spouse that is. You see, for the past I dunno how many years, it never was a goal of mine to get married. To clarify, of course I wanted to get married, but it never really seemed like something that was so pressing. And I suppose its still not that pressing - so tell me why I feel that way?

I suppose it has a lot to do with me being Indian and in my mid-20's. You see, according to Indian standards, I have already reached my expiration date. I'm much to old to marry someone within a reasonable age range of mine. Now the Indian thing doesn't really bother me...I mean, I have no specific desire to marry "my kind." As a matter of fact I want to marry someone outside of my race to be the first one to break the stigma of outside marriages (people in my family that marry outside the culture...generally marry a non-Muslim). I feel that this racist thing is a big problem in the community (a post for another time).

Anyway...back to my question....WHERE do I look!? When I was younger, it seemed it was so much easier...guys came to me...I never had to worry about whether I had to go scouting so-to-speak. Unfortunately for me...the game has changed a little...and I've pretty much forgotten how to play. You see, I used to play back in m y Jahilia..of course I definitely don't wanna play that way, but what I'm saying is I don't know where to look or how to get what I'm looking for.

You see, the masjid hasn't really served as a good source for me, perhaps it has a lot to do with my locale and "my kind" and their way of doing things. Match-making aunties scare the crap out of me and weird me out. The friends outlet I guess could totally work the only problem is I have 4 very close friends and don't really keep up to much with others unless I run into them at the masjid (that's my bad). The rest of the time, I'm at work. So what's a sister to do?

I guess the truth isn't really the lack of brothers approaching me...the real issue is finding someone that appeals to me, because I think I've gotten to a stage where I don't mind being the initiating party. I'd really like to settle down soon. And then when I say it out loud like that I feel like I sound desperate..but truth be told...that's how I feel.

I don't know how many brother read this thing..but it be great to hear from you as well.