Monday, July 21, 2008

I am Furious

I cannot stop staring at the IM box blinking orange with a list of new instant messages from my cousin (you know the one in love with my best friend's sister?). I wasn't at my computer as these messages came through so, he continued to send them until I finally responded. It was something to the effect of 'You are no longer my cousin, I cannot believe you would continue to tell her sister about me, etc etc.' Clearly he is upset because he believes that I have told my best friend a list of things about him and her sister. The funny thing is neither is this is true. You see, this isn't the first argument about her that I have had to endure, it used to be something that my other cousin used to have to go through and now that shes married and gone, I go through it for her. But after the first couple arguments I vowed to drop the subject and never bring it up ever again (I am a woman of my word). I don't deny telling my best friend certain things (I'm talking years ago) about my cousin and her sister but that was out of desire to look after her, after all she is like a sister to me, and if a sister of mine was up to something like she is, I would want my best friend to tell me no matter the repercussions.

I don't understand what to do anymore. I know for a fact that talking to either of them is out of the question because if you talk to one the other will find out and it will be as if you are scheming. Speaking to both at the same time is something I am not willing to attempt. I pray that Allah (SWT) keep me away from this drama.

I have tried to speak to my cousin about the issue in a logical, understanding manner but instead of looking at me now, he goes on to bring up the mistakes that I have made in the past. He never fails to bring up the brothers that I have spoken to in the past, the lies that I have told and the list continues. No one is perfect ESPECIALLY myself. I have more skeletons in my closet than I know what to with, but Alhamdulilah Allah (SWT) has given me a second chance to turn my life around. I have up until now done a wonderful job hiding my skeletons and keeping them in my closet and those brothers have also changed for the better and have also kept the skeletons in the closet. I sometimes feel, however, that I made a big mistake in trusting my cousin with these secrets. He was like a brother to me and so I went to him in search of advice only now, I feel as if he wants to use that information as blackmail.

Subhan'Allah, you think you know a person, and then they change.

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