Sunday, November 14, 2010


It's enough when a Muslim girl is pressured by her family and friends to find a guy and settle down. But I think the tip of the ice berg, straw that broke the camels back, etc is when a non-Muslim tells a Muslim girl that she better start looking for a husband.

At the time it happened to me, it was funny...but it only made my situation even more apparent to me. And it got me thinking.

Maybe the guy I truly want does not exist. My mother tells me that I am way too picky. And I can agree with her. However, the thought of settling makes me despise getting married at all. I personally don't think the things I expect are extraordinary...I mean they are characteristics that exist in many people...(only they are married). I just seem to have an impossible time finding my person.

The search continues....and the frustration grows.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

I'm in love....

....with his voice!

Subhan'Allah, every Ramadan I'll attend a masjid for Tarawih or Qiyam ul Layl and some brother at one of the many masjids I attend will have the most amazing voice, and I will fall in love.

I was at a Qiyam the other night and this happened.

I don't know if I'm the only one that goes through this. But I literally fall in love with the voice, it brings peace to me (of course that's because its the words of Allah recited so nicely) and I can't get the voice out of my mind. I even go so far as to try to find out who the brother is (and of course if he's single)....however I think I'm so old that every time this happens the brother is younger than me....this one was 19.


Friday, August 6, 2010

I'm looking....

....but don't really know WHERE to look.

Ok so I suppose every Muslim of my age is probably looking. For a spouse that is. You see, for the past I dunno how many years, it never was a goal of mine to get married. To clarify, of course I wanted to get married, but it never really seemed like something that was so pressing. And I suppose its still not that pressing - so tell me why I feel that way?

I suppose it has a lot to do with me being Indian and in my mid-20's. You see, according to Indian standards, I have already reached my expiration date. I'm much to old to marry someone within a reasonable age range of mine. Now the Indian thing doesn't really bother me...I mean, I have no specific desire to marry "my kind." As a matter of fact I want to marry someone outside of my race to be the first one to break the stigma of outside marriages (people in my family that marry outside the culture...generally marry a non-Muslim). I feel that this racist thing is a big problem in the community (a post for another time).

Anyway...back to my question....WHERE do I look!? When I was younger, it seemed it was so much easier...guys came to me...I never had to worry about whether I had to go scouting so-to-speak. Unfortunately for me...the game has changed a little...and I've pretty much forgotten how to play. You see, I used to play back in m y Jahilia..of course I definitely don't wanna play that way, but what I'm saying is I don't know where to look or how to get what I'm looking for.

You see, the masjid hasn't really served as a good source for me, perhaps it has a lot to do with my locale and "my kind" and their way of doing things. Match-making aunties scare the crap out of me and weird me out. The friends outlet I guess could totally work the only problem is I have 4 very close friends and don't really keep up to much with others unless I run into them at the masjid (that's my bad). The rest of the time, I'm at work. So what's a sister to do?

I guess the truth isn't really the lack of brothers approaching me...the real issue is finding someone that appeals to me, because I think I've gotten to a stage where I don't mind being the initiating party. I'd really like to settle down soon. And then when I say it out loud like that I feel like I sound desperate..but truth be told...that's how I feel.

I don't know how many brother read this thing..but it be great to hear from you as well.

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Ramadan is Rehab

Many people would think that rehab is for alcoholics or drug addicts, but the truth of the matter is...we all need rehab. On a daily basis we each often give into the drug more commonly known as the nafs (I think the closest translation would probably be the id - animalistic, non-rational side). We give into our id because its what feels good. Similarly, drug addicts and alcoholics engage in their risky behavior because doing so makes them feel good. Drinking takes there pain away as eating often times takes our pain away (my ticket to pain-free depression is mac and cheese).

In medicine, we often put a patient through rehab by taking them away from the thing that is harming them. At first, we completely isolate them from the drug, be it alcohol or any other recreational intoxicant. We do this to rid the body of the toxin. Its often a painful process resulting in hallucinations, delusions and pain.

In Ramadan we abstain from food and other things as well (swearing, lying, cheating, backbiting, sleeping, having intimate relations, and everything else that can be detrimental to our self). Like drug detoxification the first fast is probably the hardest, the most painful...I mean we are STARVING. This is the detox phase - please note that scientifically the act of fasting is actually a physical means of detoxifying the body, it allows the liver, kidneys, skin, etc to rid themselves and the body of toxins - go figure!

After the detox phase, we often place the addict in programs that teach behavioral modification. We teach him to completely stay away from bars, change his group of friends, even take a different route to work or home. We teach him to eat certain foods to help curb his cravings, etc. This can serve as a very influential, provided the addict takes it seriously and actually tries to modify his behavior. (Notice the similarities?)

In Ramadan, we often find ourselves attending the masjid more often than we do at any other time of our lives. We sit through long lectures, pray qiyam ul layl, give sadaqa, read Quran. We turn of our TVs, put our Tupac CDs away and pull out CDs with Quranic recitations of Shuyukh like Shaykh Al-Effasy or Shaykh Sudais. When someone tries our patience, instead of lashing out like we normally would, we try to refrain. We try to abstain from backbiting. And the list goes on.

There is no benefit to rehab unless the rehabilitation process continues. In medicine we say, "Once and addict, always an addict." Intoxicants are intoxicating, they take over your thoughts, they debilitate you and the truth of the matter is for as long as you live, you will always be in rehab. People don't say that they are Recovered Alcoholics or that they used to be alcoholics. When you go to an AA meeting people introduce themselves by saying, "Hi, my name is HB and I am an Alcoholic." And they proceed to tell you how many decades its been since they're last drink.

Likewise, we as Muslims are a constant work in progress. None of us is immune from the waswasa of Shaytan. Each of us is susceptible to fall into the trap of our desires. So while we go through an intensive one-month rehab session every year, it is up to us to remain in check, to take what we learn in this blessed month and apply it into our lives every day with out fail.

May each and every single one of you have a blessed Ramadan. Please remember me and the entire Muslim Ummah in your dua.

Monday, July 26, 2010

A Muslim, 2 Christians and an Atheist this isn't a joke....seriously.

I worked last night. Nurses are human, we get sleepy during our shifts, especially when we work nights because the truth is, no matter how used to working nights you are, sleeping in the day and working at night is unnatural!

Anyways...around 4 am when us nurses start to get sleepy, we either take a quick break (which is really nap time) or we engage in some sort of discussion. So last night as we are hanging out at the station one of the nurses (a Christian) asks this other nurse (an Atheist who happens to be Indian) what religion he follows. Knowing that this nurse happens to be pretty religious, he kind of refrains, but after much pestering, he gives in.. "I don't believe in God, I'm Atheist"

She now looks at me, "HB, what religion does he follow?" I answer "He's Atheist." This Atheist nurse and I have been 'friends' for a while now, I know his story.

She continues, "Are you serious??" I answer, "Yes, that's what he told me when we met." You see, everyone seems to take my hijaab as a green light to discuss religion...and I welcome it with open arms as long as the discussion doesn't turn into something hateful toward Islam or Muslims.

The Atheist and I thought that that was pretty much the end of the discussion. I mean, you ask a question, its answered and that's that, but she continues after a brief silence, "you know, I'm going to say something and I hope it doesn't offend you, but I'm gonna say it: The fact that you don't believe in God makes me uncomfortable, I feel like you bring a negative force around me and I don't like to have people like that around me."

Now, as a Muslim, I believe in God. I believe that nothing is possible without Him and that everything is possible only because He makes it possible. I cannot fathom disbelief in the existence of God, but I feel that that comment completely crossed all lines.

So in comes the second Christian: "So wait, it makes you uncomfortable that he doesn't believe in God? What does his disbelief in God do to effect you?"

"It brings negative energy and I don't associate myself with people that bring negative energy around me, I distance myself from them."

I'm sitting here trying to conjure up a response. Here it is: "He's a human being, there is no compulsion in religion. God doesn't need people to worship him, people need to have a superior being to worship. His choice to believe or not to believe in God is a personal choice, but it doesn't necessarily make him a bad person in general."

I don't even know her response, the other Christian was nodding his head in agreement with me.

She then proceeded to place this Atheist in the same soup as Gays and Lesbians by saying that they are an abomination (which I completely agree with) and that she doesn't associate with them and that she doesn't care for them.

I suppose everyone is entitled to their opinion. And I can't say that I don't think similar (not the same).

I'm not sure where I'm going with this. You see I strongly oppose homosexuality, it grosses me out, I think its unnatural and it could very well be the cause of our demise as it was the cause of demise for the people of Ad and Thamud. I believe that saying that there is no God is being stupid and ungrateful. BUT (and a big BUT it is) I strongly believe in hating the sin and not the sinner.

One of the reasons of I love Islam so much is that it teaches us to be kind and compassionate towards others and it teaches us to lead by example. To be the best person you can be, to emulate the teachings of the Prophet (SAW) so as to attract the right attention.

I believe Shirk is an unforgivable sin, I also believe that being an Atheist is like committing shirk in that you saying that Science is responsible for the creation of the universe as opposed to Allah (SWT). But at the same time, I don't think that telling an Atheist that he's going to Hell and that he is an Abomination is the best way to bring him to your side.

I also think that as Humans as a whole, we need to realize that while Atheism and Homosexuality are major sins, we are in no position to judge anyone as the sad truth is we are all sinners.

May Allah SWT guide us all and protect us...ameen.

Friday, July 9, 2010


Ramadan is fast approaching and I feel I am completely behind on preparing for it.

I've got so much to do and so little time to do it in. Nevertheless, I hope this month arrives soon as i do miss it very dearly.

Friday, April 2, 2010

So when you getting married??

Urgh. Its one of those questions that makes me want to gag, scream, blow up at someone. Sounds pretty harsh, huh? In reality it isn't that I don't want to get married....because, I do. I would want nothing more that to find a nice man to settle down with. Its just, it seems that question always seems to come up when I finally find contentment in myself, in my life, in being single.

You see, I am probably the only girl I know that has had so much bad luck with men. Either I fall for a guy that is perfect but uninterested or I fall for a guy that is interested but turns out to be childish, idiotic, stupid (the list could go on), or guys who just want to have fun and not settle down fall for me. Its like this vicious cycle...and after every bad brother event, I go into my "I hate men" mood. This last time, my "I hate men" mood lasted quite a while, and finally it is over.

Finally, attending weddings didn't phase me, my age and spinsterhood didn't phase me, as a matter of fact I have embraced my spinsterhood with open arms, taking it as an opportunity to enjoy life, my friends, and the things I like to do. You see, I believe happiness can exist without a man by your side.

Now back to the question, and my response: I get easily irritated with aunties who try to make it sound like I somehow am less of a woman because I am not married, do not have children, don't have a place of my own, etc. I have nothing against marriage when it is done for the right reasons with the right man (and when the right man for me comes out of hiding I will take that step insha'Allah). But please don't come knocking on my door with false promises of happiness and fulfillment if I chose to get married. I'm quite happy on my own, thank you.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Today.... old white guy told me that my hijaab makes the beauty of my face stand made my day.

He continued to say that "these American women think that showing off every part of their bodies makes them beautiful...its a shame."


Sunday, January 31, 2010

Get Educated....and Educate!

A while ago, I wrote a very personal post which was deleted very soon after I published it. You see, I have a dark secret that I have kept to myself for much of my life. A secret that I wish I had the courage to share with someone close to me. One that has, in my mind robbed me of the innocence of childhood. I was a victim of sexual abuse.

I am not writing this post to gain some sort of pity, or to be encouraged by my readers to tell someone I know, or even to confront my abusers. I am writing this post to alert parents. Most instances of child molestation are committed by individuals that are close to the child or family. The offender is often a family member...someone who has easy access to the child, and someone who the child is relatively comfortable around. Unfortunately, this was true in my case.

As parents, guardians and caregivers, it is important that we keep a watchful eye on our children, but it is more important that we teach our children what acceptable and unacceptable behavior is. Unfortunately, I can speak from experience when I say a child doesn't immediately know or understand what is happening to them is not right. Children, generally, should be accustomed to being loved, hugged and kissed. Their minds are not programmed to understand when a kiss is more than just a normal kiss a child is used to getting. I didn't know that I was being sexually abused until I grew older, well into my teens. I'm not sure if by way of a defense mechanism my mind completely erased what happened to me and it only became apparent to me after I became sexually aware, but while I was going through what I went through, my child mind never once questioned the lewd behavior that was projected towards me.

It pains me to say this, but parents need to stop being so trusting of their relatives. It is important that if you leave your child home with a relative that you ask your child what they did with their uncle (for example). Children are innocent, they will tell you. I wish till this day that my mother would have forsaken all political correctness and politeness and that she had explained to me what a good touch and bad touch was so that I might have been able to salvage my childhood.

If you are a mother or father of a child, please don't just read this blog entry only to return to doing whatever it was that you were doing earlier. Please, if you haven't already discussed this with your child, drop what you're doing and speak to them. Educate your child, be their guide.

And don't for a second think that we are free from such a fitna because we are Muslim. Child molestation is big problem in our just doesn't get talked about. I want to change that. Start your child, your neighbor, a family member, your shaykh or community member. Make the community aware of this horrible problem.

Also, please check out the Megan's Law website to see if there are any registered sex offenders in your area.