Friday, August 6, 2010

I'm looking....

....but don't really know WHERE to look.

Ok so I suppose every Muslim of my age is probably looking. For a spouse that is. You see, for the past I dunno how many years, it never was a goal of mine to get married. To clarify, of course I wanted to get married, but it never really seemed like something that was so pressing. And I suppose its still not that pressing - so tell me why I feel that way?

I suppose it has a lot to do with me being Indian and in my mid-20's. You see, according to Indian standards, I have already reached my expiration date. I'm much to old to marry someone within a reasonable age range of mine. Now the Indian thing doesn't really bother me...I mean, I have no specific desire to marry "my kind." As a matter of fact I want to marry someone outside of my race to be the first one to break the stigma of outside marriages (people in my family that marry outside the culture...generally marry a non-Muslim). I feel that this racist thing is a big problem in the community (a post for another time).

Anyway...back to my question....WHERE do I look!? When I was younger, it seemed it was so much easier...guys came to me...I never had to worry about whether I had to go scouting so-to-speak. Unfortunately for me...the game has changed a little...and I've pretty much forgotten how to play. You see, I used to play back in m y Jahilia..of course I definitely don't wanna play that way, but what I'm saying is I don't know where to look or how to get what I'm looking for.

You see, the masjid hasn't really served as a good source for me, perhaps it has a lot to do with my locale and "my kind" and their way of doing things. Match-making aunties scare the crap out of me and weird me out. The friends outlet I guess could totally work the only problem is I have 4 very close friends and don't really keep up to much with others unless I run into them at the masjid (that's my bad). The rest of the time, I'm at work. So what's a sister to do?

I guess the truth isn't really the lack of brothers approaching me...the real issue is finding someone that appeals to me, because I think I've gotten to a stage where I don't mind being the initiating party. I'd really like to settle down soon. And then when I say it out loud like that I feel like I sound desperate..but truth be told...that's how I feel.

I don't know how many brother read this thing..but it be great to hear from you as well.


RedBerries said...

Oh..I feel your pain, I really do. Not so much as the where-to-look issue..but more so in terms of being the initiating party, and being seen as desperate or too eager to settle down. I've been told I'm too young..that I've still got ages to go etc etc...there are brothers I like, but in my community it's deemed so inappropriate for a girl to be the initiating party...and I know islamically it's allowed, but still...I wouldn't feel right doing it :( x

Anonymous said...

As Salaam Alaikum Wa Rahmatuallah, Ramadhan Mubarak.......throw your hand sup Sis and ask our Lord the Most High for what you want.....I will make du'a for you as well.......ah a good laugh for me today the expiration thing you have be going.........looking forward to reading your blog.......... said...

Red Berries..

There are a lot of ways to be the initiating party without actually being the one to make first contact. For example..I actually recently contacted a brother on behalf of a friend of mine. She was the initiating party, but didn't have to do much other than ask me to find out more information about the brother. In collecting more information I kept identity a secret in case the brother wasn't interested or simply not ready for marriage. You just need a few friends you can trust.

MY problem is I'm not really attracted/interested in anyone at the moment. I wonder if I'm looking in the wrong geographic location.

Love and Sugar said...

Assalamualaikum Sis...

First thing's first, make lots and lots of dua, especially this month inshaAllah. I know it's hard to just put your feelings aside but honestly, the best thing to do is to not go-a-lookin'...cause I've noticed that a lot of the times the right one comes when you least expect it. I know you are ready to settle down now...but what if it is not your time by the will of Allah (swt)? Allah (swt) is ultimately the best of planners and He knows what is best for you so there is a reason why He is delaying the process of you finding a husband. Could it be that he is testing your patience? That maybe he is seeing what you are doing in the meantime? I know it's hard to leave things like these in the hands of Allah especially when you feel like you are so ready to be a wife, mother etc...but be patient inshaAllah a good man will come along one day. and when you do meet him, you will be thankful that you waited all this while. I know of a sister who was supposed to get married a few years ago...but then something happened and the engagement broke. She is now 30 yo and I know she is hurting inside. But your time will come when it is supposed to come...we shouldnt hasten or should we prolong it.

That said...if you want to know where to look, I guess you could maybe go travelling (if you have the money?)...take a trip somewhere in or out of your country, maybe you'll find someone there. or you could go on matrimonial sites - that's another option.