Friday, October 16, 2009

Hijaab.....is a state of mind

Over the years, I have come across many types of hijaabis. There's the "I don't talk or look at boys" Hijaabi (I don't think there is anything necessarily wrong with her - her lifestyle just doesn't appeal to me), there's the "strictly business" hijaabi (I can relate to her), there's the "he's like my brother" hijaabi (I don't know what to think about her) and the "I'm covered and that's all that matters" hijaabi (I have issues with this one).

I want to preface this by saying that I'm not trying to play the holier than thou role here. I am sure there are a million and one things wrong with me and how I observe my hijaab. As a matter of fact, every now and then I'll do a little self evaluation and think the different ways that I totally don't do hijaab or Islam justice (astaghfirullah). I simply want to point out a few things that I've been noticing in my daily dealings with various hijaabis.

The "I don't talk to or look at boys" hijaabi: I used to be her. I had to be her. I felt that I needed to play this role in order to stay on the right path. After the Mr. Possibility situation I went into this mode. It worked for a while, but very quickly proved impossible for me. Notice, I say for me..as there are many sisters who I know are capable of playing this role. This, I think, is the best way to stay out of trouble....it works..but its hard.

The "Strictly business" hijaabi: This more of the type of hijaabi I am. I'll talk to a brother, but only because I need something...or because he needs something. Where some people may have issues with me in this regard is that I am also friendly...not friendly in a flirty manner (never that) but friendly the way you would be with a business colleague. I smile, laugh, joke around etc....but in a respectful manner.

The "he's like my brother" hijaabi: This is the sister that talks freely with and jokes around with brothers with the pretense that "he's like my brother."All I have to say to this sister is...be careful! Just because he's like your brother definitely does NOT mean he is...you're treading dangerous waters. Men are all the same..and their minds are all programed to think the same way. Besides, shaytan is one sneaky fellow. Bottom line, he's not your brother....don't treat him like he is.

The "I'm covered and that's all that matters" hijaabi: So, I have the HUGEST problem with this hijaabi. Okay, maybe that came out wrong. Let me explain. Non-Muslim men for the most part, don't understand hijaab. They are men nonetheless, they hiss and howl like dogs in a meat market at the sight of a pretty lady...even when that pretty lady happens to be a Muslim lady in hijaab. I have come across countless occasions where I have been winked at, had kisses blown at and been flirted with (I'm not that pretty). My general response to such inappropriate behavior is to look the other way and keep walking. However, I have seen other sisters laugh, smile back and even wave. They think its funny, but what this sister doesn't understand is that she just gave Islam a bad name. That man that flirted with her has no idea what Islam is or why we cover and by acting in such a manner you just showed him the Hijaab means nothing. No doubt, you can't help that you are beautiful...Allah (SWT) made you that way, but its a test...and by acting immature...you're failing. To me, hijaab is a form of Dawah. I use it explain why I can't shake a strange man's hand or why I definitely can't hug him. I use my Islamic identity to explain why I can't date, etc. When people mis-portray hijaab it upsets me.

This is more of a reminder to myself rather than an attempt to finger point.

11 comments:

*MuslimChica* said...

I've recently become a hijaabi, so this post was obviously interesting to me! : )

hijaabified.beauty said...

I really wrote it for the last sister. The its on my head sister. I have a few acquaintances who happen to attract the attention of men every time we go out (Masha'Allah they are beautiful). But its pretty annoying and disheartening when they wave back and smile like as if its some kind of joke.

MABROOK on becoming a hijaabi

single4now said...

MashaAllah, nice post!

I agree with what you've said. We have to look inwards and understand why we wear the hijab and how we deal with people. Not respecting the hijab is giving a bad impression to other people, including your family members.

I remember my aunt, talking about her area, once said to me that all the hijabi girls have boyfriends. I was surprised at her labelling the hijabis in such a way but the fact is that this does happen and it shouldn't. Maybe it's also the fault of the parents who told/forced their daughters to wear hijab without understanding the concept themselves or not bothering to explain it to their daughters. So, the daughters decided to do what keeps them AND their parents happy forgetting about what keeps Allah (swt) pleased.

Mon Vie & Etc said...

Thank you so much for this insightful post sister. I'm going to become a hijabi pretty soon, It's going to be a big impact on my life but I'm excited. Keep up with the good work!

May Allah bless you
Ameen

single4now said...

^ MashaAllah, may Allah make it easy for you. Ameen. :D

Salaam said...

Salaam alaikum,

Linked and excerpted this post at Talk Islam.

hijaabified.beauty said...

Wa iyyaki. I'm glad you liked it. Its really just me venting...in a way. Insha'Allah Allah (SWT) will make hijaab and all that comes with it easy on you. Mabrook.

Jazak'Allah Khair Br. Salaam for the link.

farah said...

Wow, I like your categories. I am, unfortunately, a "he's my brother" hijabi, even though its been proven to me time and time again, that neither am I strong nor careful enough to not fall into the trap of thinking of someone as more than a brother, nor are all Muslim "brothers" looking at me with a brotherly gaze. And yet, having grown up with guy friends all my life, I find it SO hard to move away from having guy friends. Alhamdullilah, in my life currently, the only guy I would consider a good friend is a good Muslim first and foremost, and so far everything has remained halal, may Allah allow it to continue to be so. But its a continual struggle not to let guys into my life as friends.
Thanks for the post.

hijaabified.beauty said...

I think to a certain degree we all go through each of these categories at one point or another. Trust me...I've been a "he's my brother" hijaabi...life has taught me to be otherwise tho.

shiney said...

lol i love the way you write. the hijaabi classifications were perfect! very true too.

ZimimeXoxo said...

I'm the '' he's like my brother'' hijabi. Which I am trying to fix. I dropped the cheek 'salaam' ( Sigh, my culture...thank god I stopped that as soon as I wore hijab! ), For me hijab is a state of mind ; and the way to be in that state is through salat, observing the 5 pillars, the Sunnah of our beloved and Quran , I know that many people are aware of that. You gave me a wake up call ! JAZAKULLAH ! I am SO following this blog <3