Monday, August 4, 2008


There he stood: tall and handsome just like he always was, stealing glances just like he always did. He was there, so close yet so far. And to think there were days where we would spend hours engaging in intellectual conversations discussing religion or politics or religion and politics. Its an awkward feeling when you see an old Future Mr. Possibility. You know, the brother that was so in love with you or in love with the idea of being with you, the one who claimed he wanted to be your husband and then when everything actually started to happen, he decided to bail out on you. I should be furious with him, I should really dislike him, but I don't. I feel sorry for him and us but I am also grateful we "happened." It made me smarter (or so I think).

So what do I do when he sends me a message asking for a second chance, another opportunity to make things work because now he is for certain I am the one and he is ready to take the leap of commitment? The smart answer would be "speak to my father and see what he has to say." Instead I told him I didn't think a second chance was necessary. Now, I feel like getting in touch with him and telling him to talk to my parents, but I don't want to seem too eager. At the same time, I want to test him, to see if he was really serious or if he is playing mind games. I'm curious, confused and every other word that describes the way I feel right now.

Needless to say, amid all of this feeling of confusion and curiosity, I feel good! He is asking for a second chance, it must mean something. Okay, Okay, I know, I'm getting a little ahead of myself here. I'm just being honest as to how I feel.

I really just don't know anymore.


Salaam said...

Good morning sister and salaam alaikum,

Inshallah, inshallah...

One thought...You say you are testing him. Why doubt him? He has taken the initiative to contact you.
However, I can see where you would have doubts if he backed out from before. Perhaps you should tell him you are unsure of his commitment because he went back on it from before, and you want certainty that his resolve is firm before you open your heart again.
Allah knows best.

A Happy Hijaabi said...

if you liked

then i'm sure you'd be interested in this said...

You know how they say "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me" ? Well, lets just say I don't want to be fooled twice. At the same time I am afraid that he is being honest with me now and I am only going to turn him away. Generally I would have walked away and said "you broke my heart and now its too late" but the situation is more complicated than that. He was my friend before anything, his family and my family have known each other since we came to America, what I am saying is there is great potential in this and it would be awful to throw it all away and on the other hand if it doesn't work, I think it would take a long time for me to heal.

I suppose I will wait for now, insha'Allah everything will fall into place.

Salaam said...

Salaam alaikum,

Sister, inshallah isn't enough. Allah helps those who help themselves. Passivity is the enemy that will keep you from getting what you want.
If by waiting you mean "Stay silent," he may experience your silence as rejection.
If there is fear in him of being rejected, and fear in you of being abandoned, maybe everybody will wind up paralyzed by fear and a great marriage will be lost.
The best way to know better, and to dissolve fear is to communicate--talk to the man. Honor the courage it took for him to ask you. The fear will melt as the two of you discover if you are compatible.
Iman Suhaib Webb has a wonderful video on the crisis of muslim marriage in America. I haven't watched the whole thing, but I strongly recommend what I have watched.

Allah knows best, good sister

Mad Muslima said...

hey salaams...

well this is a sensitive situation, especially since it deals with the heart.

the problem is sometimes we let our hearts do the leading instead of our minds. and sometimes the mind is the one that makes better decisions. so try and think about it. is it worth going back to the "us" you guys had? is he worth returning to? maybe he is and he just screwed up for a plausible reason. maybe he is not and you will see it when you look deep...and then you will say ALHAMDULILAH for not being with him.

i cannot say my advice is fool the girl that has been rejected all her life from guys. but i understand the feeling, the confusion of yes or no...and i pray that inshallah allah sends you the right path..whichever it may be.

Mon Vie & Etc said...

I had friends who went through something a little similar to this. Like Mad Muslima said, it is the mind that makes the best desicion. Things won't change unless you make this guy truly understand how he hurt you. I guy could know that he broke your heart, but he'll never know the true extent of it unless you be raw with him sister. I can tell that this matter is really delicate and complicated situation. Sometimes being defensive and quiet will not change anything, sometime you need to really put yourself out there. I pray that by the Grace of Allah, you will be able to overcome all your obstacles and truly get what you deserve and what make you happy.

If you ever want to take, you can always contact me through my blog. :)

Take care sis and may Allah bless you