Sunday, March 29, 2009

Lost my touch?

Its been a while. I've been meaning to come by numerous times to type up a little rant about how my life is going. There have been times that I've started writing and just didn't like the sound of things, or just wasn't feeling like writing and simply closed my browser and walked away with a large number of written out posts that are lacking substance and have no ending. I think I've contracted some form of writer's block. Perhaps I am simply lacking the motivation to write? Lately, my life has been rather uneventful - it can be a good thing and it could be a bad thing...I still haven't decided what it is.

For the past (I don't know how many) weeks, I've been left to do a lot of thinking about life and its outcomes. Good thinking - I think. I am not angry, sad, mad, depressed or any of those adjectives...I am content. Alhamdulilah.

Since my last post, which seems like ages ago, I have pulled away from a lot of people and though it may sound like a bad thing, I think it served for the best. It has allowed me to reflect on me or at least that's what I'm telling myself. However, I have found that even with all this pulling away and reflection I am unable to really accurately put my feelings to paper (my only source of outlet), perhaps they are too abstract to make sense even to me? Come to think of it, they really are just a huge blob of thoughts that circle in my brain waiting for escape but are much to crazy to share. I dunno.

My best friend is usually the one person who can decipher my thoughts and feelings when I can't understand them for myself. She usually can just hear the tone in my voice when discussing a certain topic and can automatically understand my feelings. As if the physical distance wasn't enough, I feel as though we are farther away from each other as the time passes by. I suppose marriage does that - it changes all the relationships you've ever had. Sometimes for better and sometimes for worse. So for now, its me and you! I'll try to make as much sense as possible.

Until next time, remember me in your duas.

1 comment:

Lisa said...

Glad to see you back! You are in my duas. I often find it hard to write and every once in awhile you meet someone who hurts and drags you down in the blog world. But, inshallah there are so many other wonderful sisters. I hope you return and continue writing. You write beautifully dear one. Love you today!