Saturday, November 7, 2009

Because you're a girl.

In my 20-some years of life I have come across some ridiculously stupid comments from brothers...alhamdulilah, never from my own brother (he knows better).

You shouldn't be out late...its not safe, you're a girl. Ok, I can understand if by out you meant out in the streets of the hood where gang bangers are selling dope on the corner...sure, I'll go home...but just because you're a man, doesn't make it safe for you either. I'm sick of men who feel that they have some kind of obligation to play the over-seer of affairs, especially when the man is in NO WAY related to me. Personally, I see nothing wrong with a group of girls getting together for some late-night coffee at a near-by coffee shop or going out for dinner in town. What's wrong with that? And what makes me even more mad is when the brother in question says something like "I'm out there at night, so I know its no place for a girl." Oh dear....if its no place for me...its no place for you either...you're not exempt.

You should get married young...if you wanna have kids and all. Don't get me started. I'm sorry..but seriously who are you to talk to me about my biological clock? I had this conversation with a brother (no it wasn't made up). This brother was interested in marrying me. And apparently "no" didn't cut if for him. I tried to be nice by making it a "its not you, its me" thing, telling him I'm busy with school and work. Instead, he persisted finally telling me that I'm "not getting any younger" and that I should "really think about settling down and having kids. You see, after a certain age, men won't be interested in you." UM!? are you freaking kidding me? Now, you seem so much more attractive to me than you were 5 minutes ago. I really wanted to tell him how I really felt about him...how it had nothing to do with school but just that he disgusts me and that I can't see myself with him...ever. But I let him have his male ego trip.

I've come across countless stupid comments from the male species, but I can't seem to remember them all...perhaps I should walk around with a writing pad and write them down as I hear them.

19 comments:

Mon Vie & Etc said...

Ugh! I hear you on that sister! And I'm pretty sure most women have been through that 'because you're a girl' issue. That guy really didn't want to let you go did he?!...some men just don't know when to quit!

hijaabified.beauty said...

This brother has been trying for 6 years (as long as I've known him). I once thought I'd give him a chance, but as I started to get to know him I quickly learned he was much too immature for me and decided not to pursue the situation further. Since then, every year or so, he tries again. But this was the last straw....please don't talk to me about my biological clock...thank you.

Sacrifice4Allah said...

As Salaamu 'alaikum dearest sister,

Some people can be so ignorant! I CANNOT believe the brother said "really think about settling down and having kids. You see, after a certain age, men won't be interested in you." That's shocking!

Ma Vie & Etc said...

6 YEARS!?!? My eyes are majorly bugging out right now... @@
O
no wonder why. NO MAN has the right to talk about a woman's biological clock..even I wouldn't talk about a womans biological clock to her! It's none of his biz!

hijaabified.beauty said...

Sacrifice4Allah...I didn't believe it either but when he kept going on about how I wasn't getting any younger, I quickly realized I had heard correctly.

Mon Vie: Yes, 6 years.

Subhan'Allah. I keep reminding myself that not every man out there is an idiot...insha'Allah there is still hope.

*MuslimChica* said...

"Subhan'Allah. I keep reminding myself that not every man out there is an idiot...insha'Allah there is still hope."

lol hopefully that is the case sister, may Allah swt find you a pious and righteous spouse. Ameen. =)

Bibi-Aisha said...

I've heard these numerous times too. Although I've just been told by guys I know that guys tend not to look at girls over 25. But considering I'm 27, but am often mistaken for being in my early twenties, I think I'm ok :-)

What i really hate though is that somehow we are made to feel guilty that we are doing something wrong by being out late at night-even if it's women only.

I have female friends who believe this too, thinking it's not right to go out at night, unless it's with family.

hijaabified.beauty said...

Well then...I better get a move on cause my expiration date is approaching very soon. Althought, Alhamdulilah I still look very young...mistaken to be a teenager at times (not sure if that's good).

But ya..its sad some people think its wrong to be out at certain times even tho you're not doing anything wrong....sigh.

cairo, lusaka, amsterdam said...

Wow, can't believe that guy!
Loved this post btw :)
Like you said, if it's not safe for women then why are the men always going there? Hmmm.

Salma said...

Salam sis,

I feel that I have come across the same stupid comments from women.

But yeah, what stupidity, I think it's very immature to make such comments or just a blatant attack cause he feels like a loser.

Sacrifice4Allah said...

As Salaanmu 'alaikum sister,

How are you? InshaAllah you are ok.

hijaabified.beauty said...

Alhamdulilah I've been doing Ok. Just busy with school and work and have therefore not been able to blog lately. InshaAllah I'll be back soon. Eid Mubarak to all of you and your families. Please remember me in your duas.

farah said...

Hahahahaaha that is so ludicrous! Wow, this man obviously has issues...

I've heard the going out at night thing too...also, I've heard arguments against hijabis doing sheesha, which I find weird. Now, I don't advocate doing sheesha because unless its completely herbal, it alters your mind, and thus I recently stopped doing it, but the whole deal about hijabis specifically not doing it? If its bad, isn't it bad for all Muslims?

single4now said...

That's some guys for you. They say the most stupidest things one can imagine. I try to be nice when rejecting guys but some come out with terrible things to say that make you go, yes thank you, you just confirmed that my decision was right.

As for the "it's okay for you not you" bit, those guys are just stupid. Islam has said to both men and women to lower their gaze, keep good company, do good deeds and give in charity. I'm not sure where these fools got the idea that it's okay for them to act like gangsters and then think if a girl even does one thing they don't like it makes her a bad person/Muslim. Don't even pay attention to such guys. Avoid them at all costs. They are not worth any attention. :)

hijaabified.beauty said...

True say! you took the thoughts right out of my brain.

Kanwalful said...

Haha. This really cracked me up. Some boys are just really dumb. Oh wait, correction: almost all of them are. :P

shiney said...

I totally agree with you-I hate that phrase "Because you're a girl."

Umar said...

assalaamu alaikum sister,

Yes, we men can be pretty stupid some times but sometimes the kindest thing you can do when a guy is stuck on you is be honest with him, in as nice a way as possible. When you say you are too busy with work and school, he may hear not now but later and think there is hope. If you tell him up front that you are not interested in him, it may hurt his feeling temporarily but at least then he will move on and find someone else, inshaAllah.

hijaabified.beauty said...

Wa alaikum salaam Brother Umar.

Jazaka'Allah Khair for your advice. I don't get too many brothers commenting on my blog so when one comments its a treat.

You gave some good advice, and I agree. See the only thing is...I've tried the honesty thing with this brother in the past (apparently he's hooked..I have no idea why) and it just turned into this HUGE argument.

I believe honesty works with some individuals, they take it for what it is. Whereas others...sugar coating things work. I haven't yet figured out what is gonna work with this particular individual. However it seems I've diverted his attention for a while.