Saturday, November 29, 2008

Jihad-un-Nafs......

And I lost the battle big time. I'd rather not go into details, but I'd just like to say that I feel stupid to say the very least. What the heck was I thinking??

Anyways, I'm really not in the mood to discuss it, so instead I'll share something that I've been meaning to share for quite some time....

Dated June 26, 2006 ( I think) - In regards to Mr. Possibility (round one)...FIGHT..(Just Kidding)

Today I learned a very important lesson and while I am have a painfully difficult time digesting what life taught me, I am happy in a gloomy and gray kind of way. The lesson? Well, it has many parts to it. For starters, life is too short, I've learned that a broken heart really hurts and that keeping your feelings bottled up inside doesn't benefit anyone. I have learned not to trust too much and that thinking with your mind can be just as dangerous as thinking with your heart. I have learned that life is cruel, but Allah (SWT) is merciful. Alhamdulilah I am Muslim because if I wasn't I would be at a bar downing shots of vodka in a sad effort to drown my sorrows. I have learned that anticipation and optimism while beautiful are also the two ugliest concepts ever. And still, all I can think of is that painful broken heart that I am enduring at the moment.

If ther is one thing that I have always known, its that Allah (SWT) is the best of planners and that He never presents a person with a hardship that he cannot handle. I have always known that something that doesn't kill you will make you stronger and although optimism is not on my good side, I am going to let it stick around for a while.....its the only way I think I can survive.

I believe that everything happens for a reason, no matter how bad it hurts, there is a significance to everything and nothing is a mistake. Perhaps he was brought into my life to make me a better Muslim? My mind is obviously not sophisticated enough to comprehend the loop holes and reasons being the events of my life, only my Raab knows the answer to that. And while I can go on and on about the things that I am feeling despite my inability to comprehend, I am going to conclude by saying "Alhamdulilah."

7 comments:

Mad Muslima said...

you are a true believer...i cannot wait to meet you inshallah if Allah grants me a house in Jannah near you

i wish i had your strength for my situation is like this, except with the inclusion of a bit more complexity... inshallah our next eid (just a few days away) is blessed with a miracle to lift our hearts and souls...ameen

Salaam said...

*Sigh*

May Allah (swt) grant you the goodness you deserve.

And yes, please be gentle and careful with yourself and hold onto only the good thoughts. It's not enough to be a compassionate person, you have to be compassionate with yourself. There are enough people in the world to beat us up without doing it to ourselves.

Desert Princess said...

Subhanallah, if only I could see the world through your benevolent glasses! May our Creator always look down upon you with kindness..

Sacrifice4Allah said...

SubhanaALLAH! What an eloquently written piece and it is from the heart :). My dear sister may Allah bless you with the one who will make you smile from the heart. May Allah grant you the patience to overcome adversity and reward you in abundance. May Allah make you triumph in life and may Allah make you of the inheritors of Paradise. May Allah always Protect you and Guide you and may He Subhanahu wa Ta'ala mention you regularly to those close to Him, raise you in rank in Jannah, bless you and grant you the companionship of Rasulullah Sallalllahu 'alaihi wa Sallam. Ameen!

Jasmine said...

Salaam Sister, what has happened?
InshaAllah it is nothing too terrible - often when we have invested emotions into something, the disappointment feels stronger than it really is...there are few details of events in your post...it is difficult to advise,
WaSalaam, Jaz
x

Salaam said...

Eid Mubarak sister. Hope Allah is keeping you well...

Anonymous said...

Salaam sister,
I stumbled upon this blog entry and it struck me as how I felt 2 years ago as well.. but Alhamdulillah, I am seeing the hikmah (wisdom) behind that broken heart and sadness.
It was a reality check for me and a strong reminder to me that the only love I can 120% rely on, is love from Allah alone. Looking back, the whole episode made me a better, more resilient person Alhamdulillah.
Nevertheless, keep your chin up and inshaAllah hope you're feeling much better now.

~Your sister-in-Islam from the Far East of the world