Hijaab.....is a state of mind

Over the years, I have come across many types of hijaabis. There's the "I don't talk or look at boys" Hijaabi (I don't think there is anything necessarily wrong with her - her lifestyle just doesn't appeal to me), there's the "strictly business" hijaabi (I can relate to her), there's the "he's like my brother" hijaabi (I don't know what to think about her) and the "I'm covered and that's all that matters" hijaabi (I have issues with this one).

I want to preface this by saying that I'm not trying to play the holier than thou role here. I am sure there are a million and one things wrong with me and how I observe my hijaab. As a matter of fact, every now and then I'll do a little self evaluation and think the different ways that I totally don't do hijaab or Islam justice (astaghfirullah). I simply want to point out a few things that I've been noticing in my daily dealings with various hijaabis.

The "I don't talk to or look at boys" hijaabi: I used to be her. I had to be her. I felt that I needed to play this role in order to stay on the right path. After the Mr. Possibility situation I went into this mode. It worked for a while, but very quickly proved impossible for me. Notice, I say for me..as there are many sisters who I know are capable of playing this role. This, I think, is the best way to stay out of trouble....it works..but its hard.

The "Strictly business" hijaabi: This more of the type of hijaabi I am. I'll talk to a brother, but only because I need something...or because he needs something. Where some people may have issues with me in this regard is that I am also friendly...not friendly in a flirty manner (never that) but friendly the way you would be with a business colleague. I smile, laugh, joke around etc....but in a respectful manner.

The "he's like my brother" hijaabi: This is the sister that talks freely with and jokes around with brothers with the pretense that "he's like my brother."All I have to say to this sister is...be careful! Just because he's like your brother definitely does NOT mean he is...you're treading dangerous waters. Men are all the same..and their minds are all programed to think the same way. Besides, shaytan is one sneaky fellow. Bottom line, he's not your brother....don't treat him like he is.

The "I'm covered and that's all that matters" hijaabi: So, I have the HUGEST problem with this hijaabi. Okay, maybe that came out wrong. Let me explain. Non-Muslim men for the most part, don't understand hijaab. They are men nonetheless, they hiss and howl like dogs in a meat market at the sight of a pretty lady...even when that pretty lady happens to be a Muslim lady in hijaab. I have come across countless occasions where I have been winked at, had kisses blown at and been flirted with (I'm not that pretty). My general response to such inappropriate behavior is to look the other way and keep walking. However, I have seen other sisters laugh, smile back and even wave. They think its funny, but what this sister doesn't understand is that she just gave Islam a bad name. That man that flirted with her has no idea what Islam is or why we cover and by acting in such a manner you just showed him the Hijaab means nothing. No doubt, you can't help that you are beautiful...Allah (SWT) made you that way, but its a test...and by acting immature...you're failing. To me, hijaab is a form of Dawah. I use it explain why I can't shake a strange man's hand or why I definitely can't hug him. I use my Islamic identity to explain why I can't date, etc. When people mis-portray hijaab it upsets me.

This is more of a reminder to myself rather than an attempt to finger point.

True love.....

"I have a question...do you think true love can exist outside of the bond of mother and child?" I looked at him a little confused.

"Are you asking me if true love only exists between a mother and a child?" He looks at me in affirmation, and I think about it for a while.

"No, I think two people that are not related can truly love one another."

"I disagree." He says, "I believe that two people can have a strong like for each other and they can care for each other, but you can truly only love your child or your mother...everything else is like only."

I was a little annoyed by the conversation. I always believed that two people could love each other unconditionally and that love could conquer everything...but life has taught me that love definitely cannot conquer anything...and people don't love unconditionally...they just put up with each other.

What do you think?

OMG!!! Did you get engaged!?!?

So for those of you who know me...you know I'm far from engaged (see other blog).

Earlier today I ran into a brother I have known for a very long time. It seems he's been going to school just as long as I have and the two of us have known one another since then. I hadn't seen him for a while, so I stopped to say salaam and see how he was doing. It was rather pleasant catching up with him. As we talk, I notice he is looking at my hands and 10 minutes into our conversation he yells "OMG!!! Did you get engaged!?!" (relax...he's married).

I pause for a second in wonder until finally saying... "No, I didn't." And then he says, "Oh, I thought...because of your ring."

My ring is on my right hand...I have always worn this ring. And I have always been careful that I never wear any rings on my left hand in fear (or concern, rather) to confuse potential suitors into thinking that I am engaged or worse....married. Perhaps I should refrain from wearing rings all together? Or maybe I should wear a sign that says "I'm single"? Who knew a small piece of jewelry could insight such an assumption.

For the males reading this...don't assume a girl wearing a ring is engaged or married, especially if the said ring is on her right hand. Generally, the Arab population wears their engagement ring on their right hand...but this is usually a diamond ring or other ring with a pretty gem that looks like it would be a wedding ring. If the ring looks plain, its probably not an engagement ring...especially if its on the right hand.

True Qaulities of the IbadurRahman....

(Lessons from Surah Furqan)

The day before yesterday we finished reading Surah Furqan in Tarawih. The Shaykh at my masjid does a small 10 minutes lecture on the tafsir of what was read. Of course he is unable in a such a short time to discuss the entire tafsir of the surah so what he does is pull out some significant stories and lessons and bases his lecture on that.

After reciting Surah Furqan he discussed the true qualities of an IbadurRahman (servant of Allah - Ar-Rahman). I took notes...

1. A true IbadurRahman does not walk with pride. He does not stomp his feet and he does not point his nose up high. He walks with humility.
Now a days walking with pride is something that we as Muslims do so much of. We walk into the masjid like we own the place as if the ground we walk on is blessed or something.

2. A true IbadurRahman says Salaam. This doesn't refer to just saying salam when you see another Muslim or upon leaving a gathering, this refers to saying salaam in such situations where there is nothing better to say than "salaam." For example, when you are having a trivial argument that is going nowhere, instead of wasting your time arguing when your time could be invested in something more worth while, stop the argument by saying "salaam" and walking away. In other words saying "you believe in what you want to believe in and I'll believe in what I want to believe in."

3. A true IbadurRahman prays Qiyam-ul-Layl. Alhamdulilah, local masajid have programs where people can come and pray qiyam-ul-layl in congregation. Alhamdulilah it seems many of the youth partake in such practices. The beauty of praying Tahajjud is that the entire world is asleep and it is just you and your Rabb. It is very easy for a person who prays to show off to pray while everyone is awake, but it is impossible for this person to wake up in the middle of the night when most of the world is sleeping, make wudhu and pray. Subhan'Allah praying Qiyam-ul-Layl is special.

4. A true IbadurRahman is not wasteful in his spending. While Allah (SWT) grants one money to spend it, it is not meant to be done in a wasteful manner. People should spend in a manner that is suitable to their means. Often times, today, we see people taking out loans for fancy cars to make a show to society. Or we will see people buying expensive designer purses that can cost $300, $400, $500 or more simply to show off that they have a designer bag. This isn't to say that a Muslim should be miserly either...people should spend within their means. Wear nice clothes, look nice, drive a decent car, but don't overspend.

5. A true IbadurRahman does not kill unjustly. I don't think this requires commentary.

6. A true IbadurRahman avoids Shirk. This does not just refer to overt shirk of ascribing partners to Allah (SWT) as the pagans have. The thing is, in today's society there is a certain degree of shirk when medicine works, instead of us acknowledging that Allah (SWT) cured us, we ascribe the cure to the medicine. When we get a promotion we are very quick to give ourselves high fives for the hard work that we have done but forget to make shurk to Allah (SWT). Even Riya (hypocrisy) is a form of shirk because a hypocrite does his worship in order to show the people rather than to please Allah (SWT).

7. A true IbadurRahman avoids Adultery. This refers to zina of the eyes, zina of the tongue, zina of the hands. In this day and age we live in a society where it is very easy to get caught up in zina, we have cyberspace at our fingertips and it is very easy to fall into Shaytan's trap. Its important for us to have pure intentions at all time so that our thoughts will be pure.

8. A true IbadurRahman avoids lying. When asked a question, a true Muslim will always give the truth to the best of his/her ability. Enough said.

9. A true IbadurRahman obeys the command of Allah and his Rasool (SAW). How often do we question someone when they say Allah (SWT) says in the Quran "XYZ"? Or the Rasool (SAW) says "WZY" and then someone carries on to say, "you know, not all Hadith are sound." Or they ask vague what if questions in a trivial attempt to undermine what was said by the person. What happened to the days when a revelation would come and immediately the people exhibited the change? Unfortunately I never knew those times, but it would be nice if we could emulate that attitude.

10. A true IbadurRahman fears for their family. Not only are they worried about their own spiritual well-being, they worry about the spiritual well-being of their family. They encourage their children to learn about the deen, they make Islam part of family life.

11. A true IbadurRahman fears Allah.

Disclaimer: I think the Shaykh mentioned 13 Qualities...and I only have 11...sorry.

What not to wear to the masjid....

So the title suggests that I will list out a number of thing not to wear at the masjid...but perhaps I'll take a different approach and just rant and rave like I normally do.

Lately, being that its Ramadan, I have found myself frequenting a number of the local masajid in my area, attending Qiyams, lectures, Tarawih, Iftar etc. And I have noticed a trend among many of the younger sisters. By younger I mean middle school/high school aged sisters. I won't totally blame them, their mothers should critique the manner in which they dress before they leave the house for the masjid and their older sisters in the community should be better role models. The trend?? Dressing inappropriately.

Subhan'Allah there are times when sisters walk into the masjid that I feel like I need to look away....I can imagine how daunting it is for the brothers. Poor poor brothers, they come to the masjid during Ramadan to pray Qiyam-ul-layl and still they are plagued with the challenge of looking away as a young sister with wide hips and a big booty walking by in her butt-tight skinny jeans. I know its Ramadan and I know shaytan is locked up, but boys will be boys.

My other pet peeve is the sister who walks into the masjid with a hijaab that's half falling off her head, while her nicely curled locks are peaking out. Or the sister who's make-up looks like she's dressed and ready to go to prom. Subhan'Allah, this is the masjid. Now, I think I could be a little more tolerant if these sisters were quiet, listening or even inside the masjid. Maybe this is the night that their hearts will open because of something the shaykh said? The problem is this is usually the sister that is in and out of the masjid, talking loudly, etc. attracting more attention to herself as if her curvy figure hasn't done so already.

Don't get me wrong, properly dressed hijaabi girls are no better! On the same note, not all the inappropriately dressed sisters are a problem. I'm not sure really what I'm trying to get at. Its just, it seems to me lately that our masjids have turn into these fashion parades and hook up joints. Its as if girls get dressed in their best attire with the intention to get hooked up at the masjid. DONT get me wrong...I would no better place to meet my man than the masjid...its just if it was done with a little more decency and a little more class that would be great!

On the other hand...I'm glad these sisters and their young counter parts are actually at the masjid at 2am on a Saturday night rather than some house party....so Alhamdulilah.

I just feel like if you have a little sister, tell she's beautiful just the way she is and that she doesn't need to flaunt her assets. I think us older sisters need to step up to the plate and be big sisters and guide the little ones...and if there's a brother reading this blog (which i doubt) do the same for your little brothers.

Perhaps I am hypoglycemic...cuz I feel like I just made no sense....

....end rant...

The past is non-existant

By brooding over the past and its tragedies, one exhibits a form of insanity - a kind of sickeness tat destroys resolve to live for the present moment. Those who have a firm purpose have filed away and forgotten occurrences of the past, which will never again see light, since they occupy such a dark place in the recesses of the mind. Episodes of the past are finished with; sadness cannot make things right, and depression will never bring the past back to life. This is because the past is non-existent.
Do not live in the nightmare of former times or under the shade of what you have missed. Save yourself from the ghostly apparition of the past. Do you think that you can return the sun to its place of rising, the baby to its mother's womb, milk to the udder or tears to the eye? By constantly dwelling on the past and its happenings, you place yourself in a very frightful and tragic state of mind.
Reading too much into the past is a waste of the present. When Allah mentioned the affairs of the previous nations, He the Exalted, said:

That was a nation who has passed away (Quran 2:134)

Former days are gone and done with, and you benefit nothing by carrying out an autopsy over them, by turning back the wheels of history.
The person who lives in the past is like someone who tries to saw sawdust. Of old, they used to say "Do not remove the dead from their graves."
Our tragedy is that we are incapable of dealing with the present: neglecting our beautiful castles, we wail over dilapidated buildings. If every man and every jinn were to try jointly to bring back the past, they would most certainly fail. Everything on earth marches forward, preparing for a new season - and so should you.

- 'Aaidh ibn Abdullah al-Qarni (Don't Be Sad)

This is more of a reminder for myself than anything. Often times its hard to look forward in times of difficulty and get on with life (at least it is for me). However, I am going to make this my Ramadan goal...to march forward like everything else on earth and prepare for what's next instead of worrying about what has already happened...INSHA'ALLAH.

Please remember me, my family and the Muslim Ummah in your dua this Ramadan.

Spring of my heart

O Allah, I am Your slave and the son of your male slave and the son of your female slave. My forehead is in your hand. Your judgment upon me is assured and Your decree concerning me is just.
I ask You by every name that You have named Yourself with, revealed in Your book, taught anyone of Your creation, or kept unto Yourself in the knowledge of the unseen that is with You, to make the Quran the spring of my heart, and the light of my chest, the banisher of my sadness, and the reliever of my distress.

AMEEN

(Taken from the Fortress of a Muslim)